DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I love your brother. Is he single?!

I do think getting a male perspective can be really good as they do tend to look at it from a different angle.

Im glad your brother had helped you even if you were really upset. He sounds a great bloke and is honest which is just what we need sometimes

rubberduck68 Great update! He speaks a lot of sense. Although I'm sorry that you are so upset. xxx

@rubberduck68 I love your brother!!

@Nosdacariad beat me to it 😂

I may cautiously have a new iron, Mr Ireland. Arranged to meet on Thursday. Seems too nice... As in a very sweet, pleasant man against my cynicism and potty mouth.

I'll fight you for him 😅

No such thing, nice is the new nasty ... haha, go for it!

sadly no, he is not single, but he has friends who are (sixties) and said that they all have moved pretty fast at securing a good woman on the apps whenever they have been excited by a few good dates - no excuses for this snail behaviour. it was a shocking, difficult conversation with him but one that I needed to have. Sour-dough has been deleted. I have finished off the wine, and want to thank all of your for keeping me in a straight line. If my brother separates from his partner, I'll give you the nod.

I think I needed a damn good cry and some wine, it helped.

He is very plain speaking, sometimes too much which is why I avoid sharing with him but his timing was good tonight, I was on the edge of a big cry and there he was!

Very proud of you! Good riddance!

He's ridiculously wholesome... Goes to football with his family every week, works in children's theatre, doesn't have a TV.... Where as I love rugby, pints, rollies and swearing 😂

@rubberduck68 I’m glad you had someone IRL to pour your heart out to. Your brother rocks! And well done for deleting Mr Sour.

I’m in the process of booking in dates with Mr Chatty and a new one, Mr Local. Mr Chatty seems like a genuinely nice guy and Mr Local sounds interesting but maybe a bit full on. Feel like there’s nothing to lose in at least meeting him though.

Sorry to hear what happened, but glad that your brother was there for you. I’m sure you’ll look back at some point soon and reflect that it was 100% the right call!

Haha so good! Well I hope that Thursday goes amazingly for both of you.

He sounds nice and opposites attract!

Well Mr Local is in the bin! He was being a bit difficult about when / where to meet and I decided if he’s annoying me before we’ve even met that is a major red flag! I’ll concentrate on the lovely Mr Chatty instead who also sounds really wholesome. My only worry is I won’t fancy him as I never seem to fancy the nice ones.

Legitimate worry but maybe give it time?
I am also currently "stress-testing" a nice guy. We shall call him Mr. Poet
We've been on five or six dates. He is objectively nice. Calm, present, treats me amazingly well. Sex is firmly 9 out of 10. I really enjoy spending time with him but...after sex I just want to get into my car and go home. Not cuddle, sleep in the same bed or have a slow morning. I've been pondering it for a few weeks now. Is this what being emotionally unavailable feels like?

Honestly, I would just send him a message to say, how are you, fancy another drink sometime soon?

Yes, it's in his court. Maybe he's lost interest, maybe he's been busy, maybe he's lost track of who said what to whom.

It's all just speculation, and men don't all behave the same say all the time. Trust your knowledge of the situation and the connection. If he doesn't reply, you get your answer. If he says no, you get your answer. But if you like someone and believe it is right, occasionally you have to give the man a guiding hand. This feels like one of those times.

@Polly1979 if you feel good when you're with him I'd consider whether you are used to anxiety with men and he's not making you anxious?

@Catza I would take 9/10!!

Morning all 👋🏻 !
Would appreciate some insight here.
Have been chatting to a new iron via OLD for a few days now. He’s a couple of years younger than me (I’m late thirties) which is strange for me as I normally only date my age and up, but ironically his conversational skills, grammar, showing interest, no sex talk are better than any man I’ve spoken to who is 10 years older.

He’s suggesting meeting but there’s two things I’m a bit 🤔 about…

He mentioned he’s been single for a few months following the end of a 9 year relationship - is it too soon??

He doesn’t have children. I usually prefer to date men with children as I have two young children and I think it’s hard to comprehend how much goes into parenting when you’re not one yourself, my ability to be spontaneous is basically zero. Also I do not want more children.

what would you do wise ones?

@Catza That seems quite positive overall so no reason not to keep going and see if your affections change.
Although when I think about my relationships over the years, the ones I’ve cuddled with afterwards have turned into LTR and the ones where we don’t havent lasted. It depends how important that is to you. And obviously the ones where we cuddled didn’t last so that’s also not a good indicator for me! They were more enjoyable though.

I'm new on here, but sadly not new to OLD. I'm done with it. Can we mention sites? that' have proved completely fruitless? I have chatted to people, for quite a while and then just ghosted. I'm sick of 42 year olds "Preferring older women" why, I don't know. Or the ones who complain that there aren't "any real women with out the filters and the trout pouts" and I a very much no filters etc, but when you message them, they ignore you !!! I'm currently in a wilderness of no social contact beyond work and it's a lonely place.

I know FA about FA but...it depends what a few months means.

6 less awful than 2 but still you risk him getting back together with the ex and/or associated drama.

No kids though so no NEED to be in touch unless assets in common.

On the kids front, maybe he doesn't want them. If not is that because he's still one himself (not age wise but maturity wise) though he has given a good impression so far.

I would meet and ask him for some of the info, you may not like him on first date anyway xxx

Hello and welcome!

Any complaining like that from a match and I'm done - who wants a grump for a teammate?

Also any man who thinks they can tell women how to look. I'm out.

Why don't they just quietly swipe left?!

I was just at a tank museum and there were so many men! I propose a man- heavy hobby for you.

Needlepoint? Pole dancing? 😁

I think I may have spotted a little flaw in your approach. When you say that you message them and they don't answer, I assume you contact them first. Which means that the comment about women is in their bio? Please don't match with these people no matter how attractive they are. If someone puts in their bio anything negative, it's an instant no from me. Especially if this is a comment about appearance of others, no-drama, how they are disappointed in their previous tinder attempts and so on. Also anyone who is "a bad texter".

Can confirm there are no eligible men in pole dancing studios 🤣