DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I really, really, really need you guys to keep me strong so I don't message him. My brain wants to fill in the gaps right now and get answers, but the only answer is his silence and if I'm getting bumped, I want to do it with dignity!!!

Don't do it! Delete him if it will help. His silence is speaking volumes right now x

Delete his number. Remove any temptation. If he’s interested- he’ll reach out, but you don’t want to message him first and for him to reply and you’ll be then wondering “would you have got in touch if I didn’t?”

You seem so lovely from all of your posts on here, so if he’s not willing to step up to the plate and make the effort, he’s not worth your time. And I know it’s hard after such brilliant dates!

rubberduck68 Just remind yourself how it's going to feel if you text him & he ignores you... Keep coming back to that thought. Deleting him is a good idea, then if he wants to contact you, he can...

Occupy yourself with something else, anything else!

I completely understand how you are feeling @rubberduck68 - I would want to reach out and get closure. What happens if he comes up with an excuse, would you accept it, or question how real it is? Is that the kind of man you want to be with?

You deserve better. After four amazing dates with a lovely person, he should either have arranged the next date, or at the minimum a text message to say he no longer has interest or met someone new. It's down to him to do this, not you. I can understand that the conversation might be hard for him, but there really is no excuse for him to be in contact one way or another...

Sorry, it sucks. Time to move on and find yourself a man that recognises how lucky he is to have found someone wonderful. He is out there!

As I replied to his last text, if I hear nothing ever again that is being ghosted, right? I never know what the definition is. Is he waiting for me to start a new text thread, is this my fault, is he thinking I have ghosted him?

If I delete his number from my phone can I still receive messages from him? I'm not great with technology! Or men, apparently!

Yes but it will show as a number not his name

Yes, if you hear nothing again, you've sadly been ghosted.

What was your exact last message to him?

Yes it will just show as a random phone no. Will you know it's him by the way he writes?

@rubberduck68don’t text him, you’ll kick yourself if he either ignores or comes back with a brush off. He said he would call and didn’t . It’s so common in dating you’re not alone.

On Friday he said he would call at the end of the date, then he texted Sunday about a bike ride he'd been on Saturday and how he'd fixed a problem that we'd talked about with his house, and I replied that the bike ride sounded like fun and I was glad he'd fixed the leak. I was brief as he hadn't asked me any questions. That was it.

I don't know, maybe. Anyone else who might write in a friendly tone or asking for a call is in my address book with a name, so I guess so?

rubberduck68 You could always write down the last 3 digits of his phone no (just the last 3!) then if you do hear from a random number then you can check.

@rubberduck68 dont do it!
He has let you feel like this, wondering, guessing, with no clarity.

What im going to say is so harsh but its not meant in an unkind way (i think you are awesome)
There is lax and not being into texting and then there is this....how can you possible foster a connection with someone if you don't speak for nearly a week or so between dates. He isnt pursuing you. If he really wanted you, he would be trying to make sure you wernt seeing anyone else being top of the order. Nothing he has done demonstrates this.

Please please save his number as Mr Sour so you know and remember what he did, so when he crawls out of the woodwork to breadcrumb you you can remember who he is. Or just block him

The fact you had 4 dates then he does nothing to either move things forward or kindly end it speak volumes about his character.

You can do better!

P.s I dont think men have to really like you to snog your face off 🤷‍♀️ sorry.

I could I guess. The general feeling on here is that he should have called to arrange another date by now, and I am started to lean into that, hard as it is. I just haven't had that many good dates in a row for such a long time, but I guess he didn't feel the same way. Even if he contacts me before the weekend, I feel that I shouldn't give him a chance, whilst really wanting to.

There is no confusion in my mind - this is 100% on him to make the next move. He said we would call to arrange a date and he hasn't, and your last message is simple and straight forward, and he could easily reply to continue the conversation.

I don't think that you should (and know that you are not a big texter) but if you sent something like the following:
"Hey, hope everything is okay, just following up and wanted to see if you would like to go on another date?"

How would you feel to each of these:

1. He does not respond
2. He responds with "Yes - lets do it? How about X" with no apology or information on why?"
3. He responds with "Sorry I've been so busy with work, how about X"?
4. He provides some kind of apology or explanation

Only you can make this decision. Personally, I think I'd delete & block at this point so that there's no wondering if he might get back in contact ever, but that might not be the way you want to do things.

It is a gut punch when it feels like things are going really well and they suddenly disappear without explanation. In my case I assumed another woman but also realised that if he doesn’t even respect me enough to let me know of his change of heart he clearly wasn’t the person I thought he was anyway and the potential relationship I was mourning was just a fantasy.

I wouldn’t block in this situation but I would delete his number so there was no way I would be tempted to contact him

@rubberduck68- it’s so rubbish and so hard not to text. I agree he left it as he would call, so the ball is in his court. I also agree if he wanted to then he would.
It is possible he is busy/dead?! But he dropped you a text, so could have done so again by now.
It’s him being rude, and probably keeping options open - I know that’s hard to hear and I know our brains keep finding better reasons/excuses for them - well mine does, but it’s always wrong.

It is so much easier on the outside to see it than it is when in it - but every time you want to text him you could post on here instead - the power of this thread will see you through.

I’ve renamed contacts before eg/ Don’t Answer or something more aggressive about them - if that’d help - Mr Sour sounds feasible?

I did once do this though as Shit4Brains when angry, only to meet again and then he randomly phoned my number whilst I and my phone were next to him - I think he expected to see love hearts or ‘mr handsome’ - didn’t go down well - which is fair but apparently it was wrong as he was in fact more intelligent than I! Sorta funny now and actually his response said all the reasons I’d renamed him. I would be more careful now!

Do nice things for you - and he will fade in your mind soon enough.

@rubberduck68 If I'm right you did not sleep with him yet?

I deleted Mr IT’s number after a week as was worried I’d message when drunk but did not block. It’s been a month and I’ve heard nothing.

MsJinks That's brilliant

I agree. I only block when someone had harassed me or pissed me off massively.

But deleting number takes away the temptation to call