DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I'm starting to dread the thought of more endless conversation with potential matches! I would just ask. Physical attaction is an important part of a relationship and IMO it's better to get that out of the way.

Having said that, I lack confidence, so can possibly understand why MrChatty has not asked, however with this group of fine people on this thread my confidence is growing, so just ask.

If we've been talking 3-4 days with no mention of meeting IRL I start to get bored, but I don't enjoy the messaging stage and hate talking to lots of different people at once.

Morning all!

I'm on a mission at the moment touring another country (sounds more fun than it is, it's Wales, which I love BTW!)

Tinder is blowing up with beautiful men who I cannot practically date as I vowed not another long distance. It is like the song says, raining men 😅

@rubberduck68 if your mate wants to dance the "pick me" then let her but I don't want that for you - dude needs to make the effort.

@whallaloadofbollocks that behaviour is not endearing in a grown man, good decision on your part.

I've missed so much I don't have the names of the people who asked can we join if we're not dating, I'm not in charge but YES please stay 😁

Otherwise it's all flakes on the apps.

I'm thinking of suggesting a new thread rule

If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give a second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. My reason for saying this - it's been said upthread - if this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do we want what comes next?!

Finally (excuse the essay) MrX is back "I miss you, come back" no apologies, no curiosity, no empathy...

Me too, I like to mention meeting in the first couple of days just to gauge their response.

Far too many of them start freaking out 'Oh, well I'm really busy & I'm not sure & maybe at some point but I don't know, I don't like to meet too early, I have a lot on so I don't know' type messages, then I know it's never going to happen so I move on.

Nosdacariad Sounds good, on the rule!

Enjoy your adventures! I love Wales.

Your ex is a persistent F* isn't he!

A long time ago, my ex kept messaging me to get back together, I changed my phone no in the end as he was really getting me down. I then bumped into him in town & he was 'Oh i've been trying to get hold of you' (no email back then) I instantly said 'Yeah sorry, my phone's broken, I don't have a phone at the mo'... Whilst I was holding my mobile in my hand!

And it was like slow motion as he looked down & saw it in my hand... I felt awful but needs must & all that.

That's a great story! I have blocked him everywhere but can't on email. It's #7 since I said not to contact me again.

I'm the same, limit of a week, maybe two then meet or nothing.

A local guy I was chatting to could not meet in two weeks but HAD SHOWN MY PROFILE PICS TO HIS DAUGHTER not sure what world he's living in but not one I wanted to be part of!

Yes I thought you'd said that it's email. Why don't they invent a block on email?!

Oh I chatted to one like that, he sat with his 18yr old daughter every evening showing her who he was talking to etc. She was also OLD & did the same. I was a bit 'Well my kids aren't teens yet, it's not what I'd do but maybe it's just a bonding thing? Bit weird though'... So tentatively carried on chatting... Until he said 'Yeah she often hears me have sex & I hear her & we laugh about it in the morning'.

Nope.

That's freaking hideous!!

I know! There's being open & honest with your kids etc, & then there's THAT.

I like them to ask within a week, I'll stretch that to two if there are other circumstances like working away and kids (less likely as I'm mid fifties). I just block them if they haven't asked by then because experience has taught me that the ones who are keen always ask quite fast and plan the date.

Kids should not be part of your selection process! My adult kids are always super nosey about my dating choices but unless it becomes an actual relationship I do not introduce or discuss.

Still so sad about Mr Soughdough and very perplexed: in his words to my face on Friday it was "an amazing date" and it ended with a lot of hot kissing so I know he fancies me. Still finding it hard to believe he would just wander off. Question: he texted Sunday and I replied and that conversation ended. Is it up to me to text with a new conversation? I don't want to chase, but I also struggle with texting etiquette, while the voice of "if he wanted to he would" is ringing in my own ears...

rubberduck68 Entirely up to you. I wouldn't, as I'd always think 'Would he have just disappeared if I didn't text?' but if you'd feel better to text one more time, then do. I know there's that 'rule' that you mustn't double text but I ignore that really & just do what I feel.

I am sorry that it's like this.

@rubberduck68 it's horrible isn't it? But yes, if be wanted to he would!!

I deleted everyone from my phone last night who had made no effort. So all of them 😂

I dated a bloke who posted on FB a meme about bacon and pussy my favourite breakfast and tagged me in it. His adult daughter saw it and commented how grim it was and he replied ‘what you’ve not heard us shagging then?’

I asked him to take it down and was told I have no sense of humour - this man was a 50 something b grandfather ffs

I think a week is long enough but on the other extreme I’ve had men say they don’t chat and want to go straight to a date. When I’ve said I prefer a day or two chatting I’ve been called a timewaster

The one and only time I went on a date with minimal messaging it was an absolute disaster so I think a few days seeing if there’s anything there then arrange a date.

CleanShirt Haha, I know the feeling!

TwistedWonder Ugh. Grim.

I had a date the day after we started chatting once, it was fine, no worse than any of the others

This man is not dateable... run

"When I’ve said I prefer a day or two chatting I’ve been called a timewaster" this reaction is the big red flag, but also hoorah to when the trash takes itself out... next!

I'm loving this cull of the man herd. Hovering over my phone address book and considering it. Part of me still holding out that he will message me.. I know, I am pathetic!

Oh he’s long gone - though now shacked up with his next poor victim. Good luck to her

Fun fact that I read recently: if you kiss a man for longer than six seconds, oxytocin kicks in the same way as if you'd had sex with him. After the snogathon on Friday with Mr Soughdough, I am counting to three on my next early dates and pulling away! I definitely have feelings for him, which is odd this early on... maybe it was the very long kisses!

Oh I didn't do 100% cull... Annoyingly I've left the fireman in there, but I've saved him under "DON'T DO IT HE'S NOT WORTH IT"

This is interesting. The last two men I kissed on the lips were mad for me after it. Unsure if it was 6 seconds!

Anyway I have a story of hope. On bumble I met a man last year who I thought I’d seen on another dating site. First date went so well so I went for full on snogging at the end. We’ve now been seeing each other for 5 months and it’s going well. Usual messages on site then on WhatsApp then met. He didn’t hang around and neither did I. As he doesn’t live near me but works different areas I’ve recently travelled across London to see him but he’s done similar so it evens out. Going so well he’s coming on a family holiday this summer.

Oh any idiots or not meeting quite soon or not texting back then I’d probably bin them. I’ve been internet dating before and had my share of idiots.