DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Update: Date 8 with Mr Soughdough at his last night. Went to his local pub, then he cooked dinner (he is an amazing cook). I talked to him about Sunday/Monday and he seemed genuinely concerned that I thought the delayed response was a problem. His read had been that it was always a very loose arrangement as I had Mother's Day plans that day, and he was with a friend who is very unwell. He said he did forget to check his phone as they were deep in it that evening, which is why he messaged me first thing on the Monday, "so you'd know it was the first important thing I had to do that day." He said if it's not a fixed day and time, he considers it a casual arrangement, and to be fair he has always showed up for those both in person and on the phone. I am watching with interest (still didn't get there in bed, but defo not to do with his impressive skills!)

Need more clarity: If you said you'd send him your availability, as a man he will be expecting information (they are - sorry to generalise but I've found this to be true - facts based for processing and planning.) When you say you don't want to double text, what did you last text say, did it have info or just chit-chat? If that strand has died two days ago, you could go back and start a new strand. That is not double-texting. Double texting is if you've not heard back very recently and you keep messaging. You could say, "sorry I realise I didn't send you my availability - I've been waiting on locking a couple of dates down, how about X or X, does that work for you?"

Yeah thanks @rubberduck68 I think it’s fine to do that later and in our last text exchange on Sunday, all was well. He actually initiated that after our last date and was a bit flirty referring to us as a couple. He’s not a massive texter and I know that really and probably prefer it. I just think there is a balance to be had somewhere between constant updates and that feeling of being forgotten about. Glad it’s going well with Mr Sourdough xx

If he's referring to you as a couple, that's a lovely sign. I hope you manage to get dates in the diary that work for you both. Mr Soughdough has future planned by accident a couple of times, he says, "we should go there" then corrects and says "you should try it." Ha ha busted, I heard you the first time Mr!!

Thanks @rubberduck68 I feel a bit better about it now, I was stressing but I think he’s probably waiting to hear from me.

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately I might have to see him today but I will remain dignified. Not going to let him know how hurt I am. Perhaps I'll avoid men in their 20s going forward....

In the voice of Alison Steadman "Oh my Christ!"

I am going to second "Steadman" on that... what the actual?!!!!

Honestly on paper this guy seemed well above board - very good job, lovely home, messages were articulate and conversation flowed so there were zero red flags until the noises started 🙉

We had a call ahead of a planned date - which never went ahead after that 😂

I heard he passed away last year which gave me a weird feeling tbh despite never meeting him

I’ve blown off the phone call guy. I wasn’t feeling it in his messages tbh - he’s intelligent and a lawyer (I’m v educated so this matches) but he sounded a bit stuffy tbh. Not my type. Plus he was miles away.

Meanwhile nothing at all from Mr T, who I have a date planned with on Monday. I think he was into me as he seemed nervous around me and I think the no texting is deliberate so as not to mess things up/scare me off/chat too much before the date.

But I feel a bit disconnected from him.

Mr Persistent is being very attentive on text and I realise I do still fancy him.

I think everyone needs to cut this guy some slack. He sounds like a good one and the biggest green flag is that you were both able to talk about it.

I agree. File it away under "ambiguous behaviour noted" and then see if it is part of a larger pattern or just miscommunication.

The only reason I "jumped" on him is because rubberduck professed to feeling confused etc.....

Everyone has their own boundaries and Ts&cs, we can only offer advice on what we are presented with on here and we are of course prejudiced to our own preferences/thought patterns/experiences.

For me, if someone says, ill call you at 5pm, then either they call, or around that time if its not convenient to call they message to apologise etc. In my head, it takes 30 seconds to think of someone and type a message. If someone cannot be a) bothered to type a message or b) i dont cross their mind that they said theyd call so basically forgot me......im out 🤷‍♀️

Thats my boundary though. Mr sourdough wouldn't work for me. Hopefully he works for rubberduck as she sounds lovely 😍

Ok, so matched with a guy from overseas who answered one of my opening moves on bumble. Just a one word answer, no follow up question. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and replied and asked him a couple of questions. He answered one of them - two words - then ‘how are you this morning?’

I’m thinking of unmatching here and now, or asking ‘what about my other question?’ Am I just being a miserable cow?!

I have two school age kids and work full time so time is precious to me and I’m fed up with wasting it on these low-effort dickheads!

Definitely unmatch. He sounds so boring.

These day, if they don’t say something sparky I just unmatch.

That sounds positive. I guess everyone is different when it comes to communication, it’s great you could talk about it. Hopefully he takes it on board for future comms.

Men who stick their tongue out in the profile photos - just why?

And add to that the topless photos

Ugh. Instant block for tongue out or topless or low effort answers.

Don't question yourself. Even if you a miserable cow (and I am sure you are not) you deserve someone who can keep the conversation going. Wish him well and set him free.

I don’t like phone calls, video calls or voice notes. Makes me feel weird and more like an interview process. I’d rather just meet someone in person and see.

Eugh hate the tongue guys. Maybe they think it makes them look ‘fun’ but they just look imbecilic. I’m seeing so many profiles where their main pic has them in sunglasses then the rest are far away / more with sunglasses. If I can’t see the whites of your eyes mate, I’m swiping left.

As we say in our group chat ‘so far away only a hawk with binoculars has a clue what they look like’

Update from me.

Mr Nomad was here last weekend. He waterblasted my house and patio, fixed a broken fence and did a bunch of other jobs. He’s not one for traditional romantic gestures so I think this is how he shows he cares! We still chat every day but my house is going on the market just after Easter so it’s unlikely I’ll be able to fly down to see him anytime soon. And he’s not back in my home town until early May. So not sure what will happen now given the distance.

I haven’t seen Mr Charismatic in 2 weeks, when I invited him to mine for dinner. He is still messaging me on What’s App every few days (standard for him). When we last met, he said he wanted to invite me over for dinner sometime, but no actual invitation has been forthcoming. I messaged him earlier this week saying if he had an evening free this week we should catch up, he gave me a a “heart” emoji and has messaged about other stuff since but no actual suggestion to meet up. To be fair, he also bought a house this week so perhaps it’s been difficult to plan ahead. It just seems oddly in contrast with how he is in person, which is very engaged, considerate, the perfect gentleman. I think I need to chat to him again to see where his head is on the dating front, he last said a month ago that he was just tentatively getting his head back into dating. I’m fine not to rush, but having a hard time working out how he is feeling about it all.

Thanks for the update @BoxOfCats

How does the uncertainty sit with you?💜

Nothing doing here, couple of promising conversations started then fizzled out 🙃