DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

How long would it take him to send a brief reply to you?

I would hate this.

@Nosdacariad it would take him days.

And I'm so annoyed to admit this but ....it would only be after I'd chased up with a second message.

But in person - all good.

Jokethecolewoman It won't change, you deserve better.

bluedabadeedabadoo Great update! Pleased for you.

I guess it depends what you're looking for 🙂

There is plenty more out there for you. Not this.
Look at how hes making you feel

@Jokethecoalwoman our coach @OneShyQuail thinks you are worth more and so do I 😘

Mr Boulder has arranged a time and place. We'll see 😁

@Jokethecoalwoman you are definitely worth more....if thats what you want...

Everyone has their own boundaries, what they will accept, what makes them feel good. Its best not to compare to others. But listen to yourself and what you need. Dont settle and feel uncomfortable. A potential new relationship shouldn't make you feel like that!

@Nosdacariad 😘

I think "not wanting a relationship" is the biggest red flag of all. When a man tells you who he is... you deserve someone with intention.

This ALWAYS translates as I want a relationship only on my terms. They won't say that though as it sounds bad.

Or more likely "I don't want a relationship with YOU"
And all that "I am not seeing anyone else"... maybe not, maybe not yet, maybe a total lie as well.
I wouldn't go there personally.

Annddd Mr Boulder has gone quiet now I've agreed his suggestion.

When is the date?
Do you feel comfortable bringing this up when you see him?

It's Sun.

We are each driving 45 min so not sure I want to go if I don't hear. WWYD?

I mean...
I am seeing Mr Poet tomorrow night (1,5h drive for me). We haven't spoken since yesterday lunchtime. I'm not actually assuming the date is off unless he tells me otherwise. Pauses are quite normal for us and zero expectations for constant texting. We are actually far more likely to have a phone chat once a day than text throughout.
So you maybe need to look at a broader pattern. If he has form for going quiet for a few days but then still shows up with a plan, that's ok. But if you are not happy with this and would like more consistency, talk to him when you see him.
A quick text a couple of hours before the date to say "I'll be setting off at 3pm, I'll ring you when I'm there" could be a low pressure way to check if the date is still on. But wouldn't it be? You are the prize!!

Thank you @Catza it has been a few messages daily since we matched, him messaging last thing and me messaging first.
I'll do as you suggest🙂 it's just the idiocy of OLD has made me very cynical.

Oh. He messaged 😅

Well, there we go 😝

I’m going on a first date tomorrow- connected during one of my fleeting visits to the dating apps (hate them!)

Over messages he seems very nice, articulate and respectful. He lives about 45 minutes away from me but is travelling back tomorrow following a wedding he’s at today which is about 2.5 hours in the other direction.

Hes booked himself a hotel in my town (where we’ll be meeting) for the night tomorrow. I get it’s sensible as he might decide to have a few drinks, there’s been absolutely no suggestion of me staying there with him, and I don’t want to! But… do you think he’ll be expecting it?

He’s booked a table for dinner and drinks which I appreciate him going to such effort, though I do try and keep first dates a bit more low key generally…

@whallaloadofbollocks i always find it weird when reading that someone has booked a hotel and assume they expect sex. It's never happened with me as im in London so usually people are there as well so can travel easily. However a friend of mine seems to always have men booking hotels and they always expect sex! I mean when does a woman book a hotel for a date?

Being honest I would say the fact he’s booked dinner and a hotel does suggest he’s thinking sex is on the cards. It seems a bit presumptuous imo and I’d feel uncomfortable with this as a first date. Have you told him you prefer something more low key?

To me it’s a bit too much for a first meeting

Still no luck on the apps for me - i think i just like a younger looking/acting type but men in their 50s on the apps seem to look so much older (im late 40s). I feel really mean to swipe left but i dont find them attractive. I thought both my long term exes were extremely cool/hot. In fact im not finding anyone attractive at all, which is super worrying. Im worried that ill never find anyone appealing again. Does anyone else feel this way?

Yep. I’m 60 and just don’t really fancy anyone.

My last foray into OLD in barely swiped on anyone and had zero matches. Lots of unsuitable likes but no one I wanted to swipe back on.

I started to realise a while r back that I just don’t feel attracted to photos and a few words so OLD just doesn’t work for me