DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

You are just in a bit of a shock. You'll feel much better in a couple of weeks. It's not love, just dopamine withdrawal. The brain is doing its chemical brainy thing. Jump back in the dating game ASAP.

What email system do you use? There should be a way to block or at very least filter him into junk so you dont see it

I can filter into junk but then (as happened yesterday) if I go looking for something in junk (one of those tfa things in this case)there it is!

Hmmmmm is it Gmail or Outlook? Xxx

@downinfumps Aww it's horrible isn't it?
I'm in a similar position - seeing someone since January, lots of fun together...I got attached quickly and caught feelings....
He's not ready for a relationship.

It feels horrible. But we will get through it. Onwards and upwards.

Neither.

Big hugs! It’s honestly so annoying — why get into a relationship if that’s how you feel??
Dust yourself off. He wasn’t right for you, and he’s made space for someone who will be. Don’t let him weasel back in .....they almost always try. xxx

Usually if you access the email.through a laptop or PC you will have more options than accessing through a phone, so maybe look.into sending up a "rule" where anything from his address goes into its own seoerate folder you create, that was u never have to look at it

Thanks I dusted off my laptop and did just that earlier xxx

Good morning everyone! I hope everyone is good! I’ve lost track of this thread over the last few weeks so now there’s too many posts to catch up!
Just an update re Mr Cheval. Well I have to say it’s going amazingly well. It’s only been 5 weeks which we still have to keep reminding ourselves of. We have seen each other about 11 times, I’ve stayed over at his, emotional intimacy is developing, we are both being really honest about how we feel and our intentions and communication is really good. So far it’s everything I’ve been looking for so let’s hope this bubble doesn’t burst! We are exclusive but that sort of happened naturally as neither of us are people to date more than one person at once. ED is still a bit of an issue but it’s definitely getting better. We are both learning how to navigate it, we are talking about it and he has taken a testosterone test and will be seeing the GP.
Long may this continue 🙂

What a wonderful update!

Long may it continue!

What have you found has helped with ED, other than being open and honest and supportive? Reason im asking is a close friend of mine has recently met a new partner and had found that he seems to be struggling too. Would be good to pass on a few tips if you dont mind divulging. Totally ok if not tho!

I think it has helped him knowing that there is no judgement from me and that I am relaxed about it. I read something on chat GPT about focussing on the pleasure rather than the erection itself. First few times I stopped pleasuring him when he was losing erection thinking he wasn’t enjoying it but I now focus on his reactions and don’t stop as long as it seems like he is enjoying it and he does actually ejaculate when not fully erect which I didn’t even realise is possible! He said it’s helped him that I am still interested in sex and don’t avoid it, and for me it helps that he does keep trying even though it may not be successful and that he is also selfless and spends a lot of time pleasuring me. He has bought some viagra which we have used once and I think it helps him knowing it’s there if we need it. Yesterday we didn’t use it but only manually stimulated each other rather than PIV. If we had tried to have PIV I’m not sure we would have have been able to as I don’t think by the time we got to that point he was erect enough.
The testosterone test has come back normal so he is going to ask seek advice from the GP. Although it’s improving, I do think there is something physiological as he doesn’t get full erections on a morning and that is a big sign of something not being right.

@bluedabadeedabadoo Such lively news!

(there is a daily ED drug in a lower dose that might be useful if he was open to it) x

Yer he was telling me about this yesterday. It’s something to consider if there is something physiological or if this does continue.

Thank you for the information, I will pass onto my friend. It is early stages for them at the moment but any helpful insights may help if they get further down the line

@bluedabadeedabadoo such a lovely update. Very happy for you both.

I am also getting on rather well with Mr Poet. We, perhaps, foolishly booked a holiday together over Easter which I am slightly worried about but probably for no reason at all.

The only weird thing is now we are getting closer, I keep having thoughts about Mr Sailor I dated three or four months ago who self-destructed in a spectacular "I am not emotionally available" fashion. No idea why he started popping into my head again. God give me strength to not contact him and open a massive can of worms.

Thankyou all. I think the biggest indicator that this is good for me is that I’m not an anxious mess as many of you will recall I struggled with before with Mr P and Mr Beard. It’s so nice not to be overthinking and second guessing all the time as I don’t need to as he tells/ shows me how he feels (not in an OTT way) and is consistent so I have no reason to be anxious or second guess.

we haven’t booked a holiday but are planning a weekend away at the end of April.

@Catza enjoy what you have, sounds great 😁

@Catza don’t do it! I’ve felt the same, nice, calm, settled, potential relationship with the handsome and lovely Mr Scenester versus drama and anguish with Mr Elusive. He pops up now and again and messes with my head owing to the fact that while he would rarely commit to seeing me, when he did the chemistry was red hot! I’ll not be going there though, I know it’s not right for either of us.

There wasn't really drama as such but yes, it was piping hot! Everything was actually going pretty well and he was the one who wanted to talk about "the future" then three days later had the most bizarre episode throwing the baby out with the bath water. I can very much see he is bad news - just over a year or so after a divorce and very much in the middle of mid-life "I'm finding myself" crisis.
I shrugged at his declaration initially, wished him well and logged into dating apps but in the last couple of days just keep thinking about him.

If it was meant to be he will come back to you x

I am so tempted to message him!

I am making excuses.... Yeah he's not messaged me for two weeks but it's not new! He's always been a bad commentator and left me on unread! Right from the start! So that's just his communication style, we still had fun on dates!

The other part of me is thinking NO! It's been two weeks and he didn't even open your last message! So what if he's always been shit at messaging. I am allowed to be done.

Excuses....he works nights! He's tired!

Aggghhhh. Help me not to message him!

Don't message him because if you do you are just prolonging a situation that doesn't make you feel great. Not engaging with your message for so long is not great (and I have a low bar when it comes to what I tolerate.)

Just go and live your life and find some other men to chat with, or not. Maybe just focus on yourself and all the ways your life is fin and interesting without a guy to worry about.

@Jokethecoalwomanwhat’s the situation, fwb fine, someone you’re meant to be dating not fine. At 2 weeks I wouldn’t expect to hear from them again . I ended a relationship as sometimes he didn’t contact me for 3 days and that was way too long for me

@TheThingOnTheIce I would say "seeing each other". He's told me he's not ready for a relationship but he's not seeing anyone else.

Dates have been really fun. But the silences between are awful. Not opening messages, ages to reply.

There's no label....but at this point I'm not even sure if there's anything happening.

I actually think that he believes that everything is fine and that we'll see each other again, all very chill, why bother opening a message etc.