Page 14 | DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

Nosdacariad · 2026-02-24T07:23:37+00:00

The Rules: -The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin -Do not invest emotionally too soon -It’s all BS until it actually happens -Trust your gut instinct -People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault -Know your worth -If it's not fun, stop -Loo update is mandatory -No dating the thread -Treat others as you'd like to be treated -Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with -The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future -OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 08/03/2026 10:11

Betsy95 · 07/03/2026 19:23

Can I join, I’ve been dabbling on apps for about 6 weeks and it’s been … interesting 😬

Mr Philosophy - was really nice and kind but just not for me. So we had a lovely date but left it there.

Mr Coffee - seemed to have been on a year of reflection before dating (good sign) but then invited me on the most awkward coffee date of all time. (We aren’t seeing eachother again, mutual choice)

The Biker - was the most promising and we dated for 4 weeks he did make effort in picking me up and arranging dates, but by the end of it while I knew a lot about him I’m pretty sure he only knew my name and then got where I lived wrong (it was someone else’s location he’d been chatting to on the apps) Communication between dates was hard work and when I raised it he said I was like his ex, he only mirrors what he gets, it was my fault he wasn’t being himself, he doesn’t compromise what he wants and ended it. 😳

The Younger one - is 8 years younger than me (37) and we’ve agreed FWB while we date other people but honestly he’s the most consistent with communication and I appreciate the honesty of our agreement as does he.

Other than that I can’t be bothered to chat to half these people and / or they are either too full on or waaaaay to backward in coming forward.

Is this the norm … or just me?

Welcome - totally the norm and glad you're free of the one who DARVOed you x

OP posts:

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 08/03/2026 10:14

Jokethecoalwoman · 08/03/2026 10:03

Hiya, can I join in?

I've been seeing a guy I've known for a year since January. But the communication from him is awful. He will ignore messages, not respond for a week etc. I have told him that it makes me feel as if he's not interested - he responded with "I don't respond to anyone!" I have seen him ignore messages from friends/family.
He's said he's not ready for an exclusive relationship....but that he isn't seeing anyone but me.
It's messed with my head a bit and knocked my self esteem which I hate to admit!
It's been over a week since I seen him....and no communication in that time.
When we're together we get on, have fun and he is lovely. But I'm thinking of giving up as it just feels like he's not bothered.

Welcome and...pop him in the round file beginning with B 😁

OP posts:

NervesOfCotton · 08/03/2026 10:18

Jokethecolewoman Welcome!
Only you can decide what works for you.
I had an ex like this (not met through OLD) I put up with it although it made me feel awful. Same as yours, when we were together, it was brilliant, but the silences in between were torturous for me! He'd also be like 'Why do we need to be in contact? You know I love you, don't be daft!' & that would make me doubt myself & on it would go.

Anyway mine ended in a horrible way as he started dating somebody else & by the time one of his friends told me, they'd already been dating a few weeks & I had no idea as I'd just not seen him...

I wouldn't ever date anybody like that again. I don't expect to be in constant contact but I do need to know that they are at least still alive in between dates!

Jokethecoalwoman · 08/03/2026 11:00

@NervesOfCotton yip, exactly. I don't expect or want daily messages.
But for example when I was away at the weekend I sent him a photo....he didn't even look at the message!

NervesOfCotton · 08/03/2026 11:25

Jokethecoalwoman · 08/03/2026 11:00

@NervesOfCotton yip, exactly. I don't expect or want daily messages.
But for example when I was away at the weekend I sent him a photo....he didn't even look at the message!

You've told him how you feel & he's not going to change, so I suppose the question is then, are the good times worth it?

If not, then get back out there & look for somebody who treats you better.

coolpattern · 08/03/2026 11:25

Catza · 07/03/2026 15:59

Ha. This date sounds right up my alley. I am planning a hike with Mr. Poet next weekend. We've already done museum and tea a couple of weeks ago 😅

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I wouldn’t mind if he had some direction or firm ideas but it was all haphazard and wandering around aimlessly. He’s had a week to plan something. Just too low effort so early on and I felt he wanted me to plan everything and I’m too busy to look after another person.

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 08/03/2026 11:54

Jokethecoalwoman · 08/03/2026 11:00

@NervesOfCotton yip, exactly. I don't expect or want daily messages.
But for example when I was away at the weekend I sent him a photo....he didn't even look at the message!

It sounds plain rude.

OP posts:

Kaltenzahn · 08/03/2026 12:33

@Jokethecoalwoman that's just rude. I'm not one for pointless smalltalk or messaging daily with nothing to say but I wouldn't ignore someone if they messaged.

If the conversation comes to a natural close I have no issue going a few days without talking but if I ask a question or send a message that warrants a reply then they get deleted after 48hrs if they don't respond. If they've been consistent until then I might send a follow up message to give them another chance because it is possible to miss a message if you get a lot of notifications, but if they do it again they're gone.

Having said all that I've come off the apps because I find it more effort than it's worth so clearly my strategy wasn't working that well.

coolpattern · 08/03/2026 13:35

CleanShirt · 06/03/2026 13:37

So I had a strange night. Was feeling a little down after all the cancellations and lo and behold, the fireman pops up and I told him to come round.

Didn't get straight to DTD as we usually do and he wanted to talk. Said he realised we've only been for one drink and we should go for a drink next time rather than just calling each other up. Said that he cares about me and doesn't want me to think that he just sees me as someone to have sex with.

Only DTD once and he unloaded on me about how he was unhappy in London (he's from another country) and wants to move home next year. And a lot about his work life balance. I offered to take him on a fun day out to help him fall back in love with London, he seemed really excited about that. Also asked if I had time in April to go back to his home country with him (I don't).

Messaged this morning and still left unread. The man is constantly on his phone so go figure. I wonder if whoever he went quiet on me for has binned him off?

Will have to tread this one very carefully.

Edited

I really, really don’t like this man for you. I’ve been following for awhile and the way he is actively disrespectful in between “meets” would give me the major ick. Please block him and forget this man. I find it helps to concentrate on whatever irritates me and amplify it 1000x every time I think of one that ghosted me.

Polly1979 · 08/03/2026 13:45

I’ve dated someone who wasn’t very communicative between dates but if I messaged him he would read and reply. To just leave unread is rude unless he was genuinely busy. To me it suggests they’re not really that interested.

Kat888 · 08/03/2026 16:31

Yea sorry it doesn't look good he's not invested enough.

BoxOfCats · 08/03/2026 17:40

Betsy95 · 08/03/2026 09:07

I’m not sure they are for me to be honest, already thinking of taking a break! Have you met anyone on there previously that’s worked out well?

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I met my ex partner on there 3.5 years ago. We were together for 18 months. So it can work out by itself really is a numbers game! As I’ve said in here before I just treat it as a kind of entertainment and never expect much from it, then if anything good comes from it, it’s a pleasant surprise…

TwistedWonder · 08/03/2026 19:50

OptimisticFather · 05/03/2026 21:59

I tried it once. Interesting approach, I'm not sure if it's different for ladies but as a man I got shown 5-7 profiles a day and you just say yes or no to a date.

If they say yes, you both pay a fee (£9.50 I think), and then you basically put your availablity in. Once you both agree date is on.

The only time you can speak to the person is 4 hours before the date. So basically it's a blind date but you get to see some pictures and a bio first. I was very nervous, but soon settled once I met the person.

I'd give it a go again when I'm ready to start dating, but I'm not convinced you will find the one, as with the other apps you can message and work out if any are worth it.

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I gave it a try but despite it saying when I signed up my nearest place for dates would be my local city, every match it offered me said ‘you will meet in London’ - I don’t want to meet a stranger in bloody London.

NervesOfCotton · 08/03/2026 20:14

TwistedWonder is London far from you? (I know 'London' is a big place!) I wouldn't want to be travelling far for a first date.

TwistedWonder · 08/03/2026 20:28

NervesOfCotton · 08/03/2026 20:14

TwistedWonder is London far from you? (I know 'London' is a big place!) I wouldn't want to be travelling far for a first date.

It’s about 35 minutes on the train into Liverpool Street (and a £10 cab each way to the station)

Im a born and bred Londoner who since I moved out to the sticks have to be dragged kicking and screaming back.

Id far rather go on a date I can drive to

NervesOfCotton · 08/03/2026 20:38

TwistedWonder Aah ok, I see what you mean.

Clarabella77 · 09/03/2026 08:44

Jokethecoalwoman · 08/03/2026 10:03

Hiya, can I join in?

I've been seeing a guy I've known for a year since January. But the communication from him is awful. He will ignore messages, not respond for a week etc. I have told him that it makes me feel as if he's not interested - he responded with "I don't respond to anyone!" I have seen him ignore messages from friends/family.
He's said he's not ready for an exclusive relationship....but that he isn't seeing anyone but me.
It's messed with my head a bit and knocked my self esteem which I hate to admit!
It's been over a week since I seen him....and no communication in that time.
When we're together we get on, have fun and he is lovely. But I'm thinking of giving up as it just feels like he's not bothered.

This is a common tale. Look at the facts:
The situation makes you anxious
His communication style is incompatible with yours
He says he doesn't want a relationship.

Then ask yourself what he is bringing to your life? If the occasional meet-ups and no chaf between is fine, sure kero seeing him. But it sounds like you are looking for more than he is willing or able to give.

Eesha · 09/03/2026 11:26

@Jokethecoalwoman id agree here, hes told you he doesnt see this as relationship material. He isn't even keeping in touch. To me, youre a placeholder till the right person comes along. That alone would make me furious. But at least hes been honest to an extent.

For what its worth, this happened to me, and I was the one deluding myself. When we broke it off, he was very much 'i told you I didnt want this'. We did get back together several years later but this time we were both ready.

rubberduck68 · 09/03/2026 21:38

Jokethecoalwoman · 08/03/2026 10:03

Hiya, can I join in?

I've been seeing a guy I've known for a year since January. But the communication from him is awful. He will ignore messages, not respond for a week etc. I have told him that it makes me feel as if he's not interested - he responded with "I don't respond to anyone!" I have seen him ignore messages from friends/family.
He's said he's not ready for an exclusive relationship....but that he isn't seeing anyone but me.
It's messed with my head a bit and knocked my self esteem which I hate to admit!
It's been over a week since I seen him....and no communication in that time.
When we're together we get on, have fun and he is lovely. But I'm thinking of giving up as it just feels like he's not bothered.

You were vulnerable when you told him how you feel and he did not meet you with an acceptable response. Next!

rubberduck68 · 09/03/2026 21:41

Update: Mr Soughdough did call yesterday and we are going out again this week!

CleanShirt · 09/03/2026 22:42

rubberduck68 · 09/03/2026 21:41

Update: Mr Soughdough did call yesterday and we are going out again this week!

Ooh! What did he say?

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 10/03/2026 09:02

rubberduck68 · 09/03/2026 21:41

Update: Mr Soughdough did call yesterday and we are going out again this week!

Brill! Tell all.

To paraphrase Abba

"Does your brother know?"

OP posts:

rubberduck68 · 10/03/2026 10:33

CleanShirt · 09/03/2026 22:42

Ooh! What did he say?

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He was very chatty and asked if he could entice me out with him again - that was a big yes from me! I asked him over for dinner as it's date 7 and we seem to have done a lot of coffee, drinks, bands on a loop... He said that sounded lovely and was very keen. Yesterday we even had a small text exchange in which he sent me the name of a venue I couldn't place on our phone call so I must have been on his mind...

rubberduck68 · 10/03/2026 10:34

Nosdacariad · 10/03/2026 09:02

Brill! Tell all.

To paraphrase Abba

"Does your brother know?"

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Ha ha my brother does not know!! Can we keep it a secret for now?!

BoxOfCats · 10/03/2026 16:30

rubberduck68 · 10/03/2026 10:33

He was very chatty and asked if he could entice me out with him again - that was a big yes from me! I asked him over for dinner as it's date 7 and we seem to have done a lot of coffee, drinks, bands on a loop... He said that sounded lovely and was very keen. Yesterday we even had a small text exchange in which he sent me the name of a venue I couldn't place on our phone call so I must have been on his mind...

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Exciting!! This all sounds like it’s going really well.