DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

If you dont feel like doing it then it isn't right for you.
Sex should be the most natural feeling in the world. I used to shudder at the thought of sleeping with someone else but then when I met my DP I never gave it a second thought.

All these games and counting when to do it etc. If ppl are doing that and second guessing each other I honestly dont think the relationship is a go-er.

Sex should be the most natural feeling in the world, but as a woman I don't think for me it's ever been that simplistic - I wish it was. There are too many women on here (myself included) who have believed a man is up for a relationship, they sleep with him, and then he disappears. I am guarding my heart from that, and that feels right for me. My current reluctance is not attached to my attraction of him sexually - I really fancy him - it's that I have been burned before, and what's the point of making mistakes if we don't learn from them.

@rubberduck68 do you feel comfortable talking to him about it?

So I had a strange night. Was feeling a little down after all the cancellations and lo and behold, the fireman pops up and I told him to come round.

Didn't get straight to DTD as we usually do and he wanted to talk. Said he realised we've only been for one drink and we should go for a drink next time rather than just calling each other up. Said that he cares about me and doesn't want me to think that he just sees me as someone to have sex with.

Only DTD once and he unloaded on me about how he was unhappy in London (he's from another country) and wants to move home next year. And a lot about his work life balance. I offered to take him on a fun day out to help him fall back in love with London, he seemed really excited about that. Also asked if I had time in April to go back to his home country with him (I don't).

Messaged this morning and still left unread. The man is constantly on his phone so go figure. I wonder if whoever he went quiet on me for has binned him off?

Will have to tread this one very carefully.

That is some mixed messages, especially him leaving you on read - for me that would feel harsh.

Yeah, if things go in that direction tonight I will talk to him - just tell him I’m a bit of a slow burn on that front, also I like to get STD checks before jumping into bed with him. I know that’s controversial and a lot of people don’t bother, but I live in a big city and in my age group STDs are really on the rise!

That's all really sensible! And if he's as good as he sounds he'll be happy to wait.

Unread! I sent him a link to something we spoke about when he left and he's not even read that.

Feels like some lines are being blurred and I'm not sure how I feel. He's interesting and funny (and works shifts like me so gets having limited time) and very good in bed. He's definitely confusing me with this latest twist.

Sorry but this seems like a classic bait and switch. I personally don't have time for all this emotional intensity and wouldn't bank on him being anything but an infrequent booty call with a touch of future-faking.

I agree
even fwb should have a level of respect and he has none seemingly

Never heard bait and switch before, very interesting!

Me neither… What exactly is it?

I would be seriously effed off.

I think it's very sensible.

Bait and switch is when you apply for a credit card at 0% and then they give you one at 10% because they've used their 0% quota that they didn't mention when you applied.

Or when MrX invited me to dinner with his daughter before Christmas in his home town and I travelled there to discover he was skint and I was paying 😅

Im so sorry, but it just sounds like hes spinning you a yarn or saying what he thinks you need to hear.

Words are so so easy. Some people can easily lie to your face. Obviously its easy on the phone.

Actions. All the time actions. Look at their actions.

I understand. Because i have only ever slept with people im in an actual relationship with.

I cant do ONS or sleep with someone after a few dates (no judgement to those who do) but i need an emotional connection and feelings of safety and loyalty to be enjoying myself! 😂

The only ever ONS i had when I was in my late teens never even made it to a ONS because I just couldnt do it, I did not feel connected enough.

So all my sexual partners have been my boyfriends. Not had loads lol, 7 in total, ive had long term relationships you see. My shortest relationship was around a year long

It sounds like he wants the “girlfriend experience” without any of the commitment. Doesn’t want it to feel transactional but doesn’t want an actual relationship either.

@CleanShirt why must these men mess with our heads! If it’s any conciliation I’ve been led the same dance by Mr Elusive xx

@CleanShirt you did a lovely thing by offering to show him London but just remember he doesn't see you as gf material and won't treat you that way. Whereas there will be someone who he will treat better, maybe someone from his own country?. Personally if you really like him, take sex off the table as he has said and see what happens. If you are ok with just sex, then you'll have to be ok with being picked up and dropped. Id be fuming if I did all that only to be left on read but the reality is hes said he wants a less sex focussed thing so just meet for a drink next time.

Today, I was at the beach (late summer here) and a man in the wild approached me and gave me his number. Of course I panicked and was totally tongue tied. He was cute but way too young for me (32, I am 44!).

Mr Charismatic asked me to go view an open home with him tomorrow that we were both interested in. And I invited him to stay for dinner afterwards. We still go for days in between messages, but he’s been consistent in messaging when there’s something to actually say and in wanting to meet up. I get the sense he’s very considered as a person generally so not the kind to rush into anything.

And Mr Nomad is coming up next weekend to see me, and has offered to do more DIY on my house to help get it ready for sale. Still doesn’t want a relationship, but is apparently quite happy to spend the weekend waterblasting my patio, painting, and repairing a broken fence.

I’m not sure my brain can cope with all this.

Wow, that’s bold of the 32 year old, I wouldn’t worry about the age gap, if there’s attraction there, but I can’t see you finding time to fit him in, but you never know, he could be the one and have something the other 2 don’t have.

@BoxOfCats ooh that's exciting! Very brave of that chap to just give you his number on the beach.

Both of your irons would absolutely mess with my head I don't know how you do it. All the domestic stuff with no commitment would drive me mad!

god I never get approached irl
though I’m pretty sure I’m autistic and have ‘fuck off’ permanently written across my forehead
tbh though I’m glad as I’d hate it and probably run away 😂

I do get approached get a lot when I’m out but I do seem to be a twat magnet. There seems to be something about me that draws fuckwits my direction 😂