DatingThread 55 - Spring has Sprung!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

So pleased it sounds promising all over again. Your bro will be good if Mr Sourdough is good.

I think I can mainly stand by the (poor in this case) advice I gave and say this can be the exception that proves the rule!

Or really that despite all very good advice, often tried and tested experiences, it’s just sometimes just going with your gut is the best thing to do.

Enjoy date 6 😃

I haven’t received any poor advice on here, just caring advice from people who wanted a good outcome for me. I don’t know Mr. Soughdough very well yet, and he doesn’t know me very well yet, but I don’t think texting will change that, but in person our connection is absolutely lovely.

Flakey sods! Next!

Oh wow, that was a turnaround!

I have a date (but not time or place) pencilled in with Mr Boulder.

Not my physical type but very calming.

Oh definitely. It's just that I am still doubting whether I can connect twitch him emotionally so I am being extra guarded about these things. Also, I've had bad experiences of men rushing to introduce me to their friends and kids before relationship was fully established and then backing out of seeing me only weeks later. I just want to take things extra slow in that department.
But he doesn't give an impression of being too eager, just very into me in an intentional way. Nice change of pace, for sure.

That's really nice to hear. I often think we place too much emphasis on men always initiating and forgetting that they are also...humans with feelings and may feel that it all seems one-sided. It doesn't hurt to message every now and then.

Thats a lovely update, I’m glad you messaged Mr S in the end.

I totally relate to your post above. I am used to guys moving at lightning speed. In fact, my ex husband proposed to me after we had been together for 2 weeks (and being 25 with no common sense, I said yes!).

I have struggled a bit with Mr Charismatic because he doesn’t message often. However I’ve noticed that when he does message it’s because he genuinely has something he wants to say, and he is very responsive when there is actually something to discuss. He doesn’t ever ask to see me more than a day or two in advance, but he has regardless still been consistent in asking to meet up, and when we see each other he’s fully engaged, very considerate and lovely. He does seem to be super busy and making time to see me when he can so I’m taking that as a good sign.

@rubberduck68 so pleased to read this update!
Just goes to show different we all are and that is ok!
I clearly need more attention 😂🙈 not sure what that says about me lol but good on you for taking charge and following your feelings. I hope it blossoms for you

'consistent in asking to meet up' is important. I am moving away from texting every day = interest as I had men do this who were flaky as hell in the end.

Oh I need it too, a lot, but I'm having to really quieten that voice that says what happens in-between dates is as significant as what happens on them, because my love bombers quietened that voice and then crushed me once the fast connections were made. I am watching Mr Soughdough VERY carefully now though. He does that again, and it's a pattern, and that is information

I am anxious as I approach date 6. I know that by now there must be an expectation that we have sex, but the recent wobble has pulled me back. He's locked in a date near my house, and I don't want to have sex with him. How do I handle this? Will it push him away if I make him wait any longer? I might have been up for it if he hadn't disappeared for so long, but I'm not getting naked with him until I see how consistent he is going to be moving forward.

That is a lovely change of pace, watching this for you with excitement, not concern...

Mr Soughdough is not my physical type, in fact on our first date I walked in and thought "nope" and left thinking, "oh maybe" and every time I saw him the attraction built.

@rubberduck68 i wonder whether he was pulling back because sex wasnt on the table and he didnt think you were that interested. He then pulled away, you then realised you did like him, then contacted him and he now knows you are interested. In terms of sex - i would say only do it if you want to. Its a tough one as i personally knew i was the type to get emotionally invested so havent slept with tons of men. If i really was interested, i would do everything except full on sex as that just helped me keep that part of me away from getting hurt!

I met a guy who professed to be a dating coach for men who advised his men to pull back to ensure the woman actually wanted them. I guess its the same for women, we want to be chased to know that we are wanted.

I know FA about FA but tell him you are so looking forward to it but you're not ready yet.
Unless he's an inveterate shit he will respect that.

If he pulled away because I didn’t shag him after a fourth date, then he’s not someone I want to be with. Just so hard to know that isn’t it, I guess the information will unfold on Friday…

I think it depends really - i guess men see interest as through sex.

That makes me feel quite pressured, the thought that he thinks I’m not interested in him because I haven’t slept with him yet… surely not all men think this way, that if you haven’t shagged them by the fourth date you’re not interested? If they do then I may be eternally single!

Unfortunately it’s not just men who seem to think like that. I’ve seen numerous posts on here from women who feel they have to have sex by the 3rd date otherwise you’re friend zoning them. And these are grown adult women who still feel pressured to have sex before they’re ready just to prove’ to the men they’re interested.

No one should feel pressured to have sex whether it’s first date or 20th date. And like you any man who thinks I’m not interested because of some arbitrary made up ‘3 date rule’ isn’t the man for me

@rubberduck68 if youre not keen to have sex - then wait. If he backs off again, then your decision was correct

This is what I think, and also he is a much older, intelligent, slow, considerate man, not a twenty something looking for the next kill... A lot of our conversations are about art and museums, he's never even brought up sex before! I think context of the person is important, but importantly, there's been some pretty hot kissing, he knows I fancy him!

I’ve just had a message that Breeze are now active in the nearest city to me (about 8 miles away) - what’s anyone’s experience of that app?

I tried it once. Interesting approach, I'm not sure if it's different for ladies but as a man I got shown 5-7 profiles a day and you just say yes or no to a date.

If they say yes, you both pay a fee (£9.50 I think), and then you basically put your availablity in. Once you both agree date is on.

The only time you can speak to the person is 4 hours before the date. So basically it's a blind date but you get to see some pictures and a bio first. I was very nervous, but soon settled once I met the person.

I'd give it a go again when I'm ready to start dating, but I'm not convinced you will find the one, as with the other apps you can message and work out if any are worth it.

You shouldn't feel pressured. It's your body, your choice and men should respect that (and I would). If there is a genuine connection and the dates are going well, then he should be prepared to wait.

I would be going on the date, and just seeing how you feel. If the evening is going well, end it with a kiss, and ask him out for another date. You will know the measure of the man then! If he doesn't commit, then you know exactly what he was after, and you will have dodged the bullet.