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Original poster

Husband doesn't want my baby

217 replies

Mumoftwo2020 · 27/12/2025 15:46

Hi all. I've been with my partner 6 years. He is 12yrs older than me. I have 2 teen kids (I was married 16yrs to ex husband) and he has 3 adult kids from his previous 25yr marriage.
Wanting more kids has never been something I had even considered until a year or so ago so we had never discussed it, as I suppose we both thought we were 'done'. I'm now 40 and I am really craving a 3rd child....to the point I struggle seeing pregnant women out in the street. I have had fertility struggles (9 miscarriages to get my 2 existing children) and when they were small it was literally the happiest period of my life - I loved it. They are now independent and loving life but as I had them so young compared to my friends, amd they are now older and dont need me in the same way as quite rightly want to be out with their mates, I feel a little lost and want to do it all over again. Lots of my friends are pregnant with the final baby or have very young kids. My husband is absolutely adamant he does not want more and whilst I respect that, it does make me feel sad. He feels, at 52, that he is far too old. I don't really have a relationship with his kids and his ex wife has been problematic. I don't blame him as I respect his right to choose, but I'm a little resentful that he had 3 with his ex (she was also 40 with their youngest and wanted 1 more before menopause) and I won't get that chance. I have done a lot for my husband over the years and it hasn't always been easy (I support us financially- I own our house and pay the mortgage, pay for all our holidays and food and work very hard in a senior job i have to support my kids and him - he earns much less and a big chunk of his money goes in maintenence to his ex) so I crave something just for me.
I guess I'm not looking for confirmation that he is in the right or wrong as it is what it is, just wondered if anyone else had been in this place and managed to switch the broodiness off? I just want to be able to move forward without this craving as its so hard.

OP posts:
Potteryclass1 · 27/12/2025 15:51

Just because you support financially it doesn’t give you the right to demand another baby.
just because he had 3 with his ex, it doesn’t give you the right to have 3 with him.
you sound immature and a bit resentful.

its not just a baby you’re having, it’s a child who grows into a teenager and a person who needs their parents to have energy.

babies born to older dads (and mums!) have a higher probability of mental health issues etc

you cannot force or guilt trip a 52 year old into having a baby. It sounds like he has the maturity you don’t have.

Alexadidzammomarryjackie · 27/12/2025 15:52

You already have 5 children between you. Why would a 52 year old want to go back to nappies and sleepless nights? If you gave birth today he'd be 70 by the time the child left school. Either accept there won't be any more babies or leave and find someone younger. But to me it sounds like you've got enough going on without child number 6 to worry about.

FortnumsWeddingBreakfastTeaPlease · 27/12/2025 15:53

What exactly does he bring to the table and why is he paying a chunk of maintenance for adult children?

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 27/12/2025 15:54

Just get pregnant op. Mumsnet goes mental about that but hey, a baby is a gift.

Original poster
Mumoftwo2020 · 27/12/2025 15:54

I explicitly said I don't want to force him. I wanted advice from others who have been in this position to help switch off the broody feelings. I respect his decision, I did say that, and I'm not guilty tripping him - I don't share these feelings with him, I just feel sad inside.

OP posts:
Minty25 · 27/12/2025 15:55

I don't blame him. He'll be a pensioner by the time it goes to Uni ! I had my last kid at 38 and we both need to retire for health reasons but still having to financially support kids.

parietal · 27/12/2025 15:56

You can feel sad that the baby-parenting stage of life is over but also know that is the right thing. And you can find things to look forward to in the next stages of life.

Periperi2025 · 27/12/2025 15:57

Broodiness can be a symptom of perimenopause (and a really intense one at that), some of the other symptoms of perimenopause like insomnia, anxiety and rage can also be brutal, before adding in a baby.

Snowyowl99 · 27/12/2025 15:59

You sound a bit immature. Having another baby at your age will be very tiring...then you will have a teenager in your 50s . Your husband is 52 ...cut him some slack. That ship has sailed

HoppityBun · 27/12/2025 16:01

so I crave something just for me.

OP that’s a huge burden to place on another living being, let alone creating a new life for that exact purpose. That new life would have a father who doesn’t want it to exist but who nevertheless would have a relationship with that life, creating life long issues.

Get a dog.

calminggreen · 27/12/2025 16:02

Why is he still paying maintenance when you have said his 3 kids are adults??

but I agree with your ex …52 is far too old. You need to reconcile your feelings about a final baby - that’s the bed you have to lie in when you get into a relationship with someone so much older who has already been there done it and got the t shirt (especially if his previous marriage broke down after his ex wife had a final baby at 40)

Dozer · 27/12/2025 16:05

I have fewer DC than I would have liked for fertility and practical reasons.

Your reasons for wanting DC3 seem weak. Reasons not to do so seem much stronger.

‘financially supporting’ your DP seems a poor decision when you have two DC to support.

I really dislike it when people say that teen DC ‘don’t need’ parenting and/or ‘are independent’. Often to justify things they want to do that aren’t in the DCs’ best interest.

Your DC have presumably been through challenges and changes: few teens want their parent(s) to have another DC.

Tryingatleast · 27/12/2025 16:06

Op I’m so sorry but with that amount of miscarriages to be blessed with your two it would be very difficult to have a baby. At 40 they treat mums as high risk anyway but with you it would be a level up from that. And with his age being 52- it just doesn’t seem wise

LilyCandelabra · 27/12/2025 16:08

Please don't do this to your teens. They still need you. They don't need a baby sibling taking all your time and attention when they are doing important exams and making important choices. You won't be able to do a redo when baby 3 is a teen so will throw yourself wholeheartedly into teen parenting then and your current teens will notice the disparity, so you'd be better committing to the teen parenting now.

MilkyNoway · 27/12/2025 16:09

If his kids are adults why is he paying child support?

squidveitch · 27/12/2025 16:09

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 27/12/2025 15:54

Just get pregnant op. Mumsnet goes mental about that but hey, a baby is a gift.

Don't do this OP. Or if you do, don't expect your husband to stick around.

gottakeeponmoving · 27/12/2025 16:09

40 is too old. I had my last at 37 and I struggled. Instead of looking backwards to baby days - look forward to being a grandma.

Also, think about your relationship with this man. You aren’t painting a very good picture of him. He doesn’t sound very supportive and seems quite selfish.

Dontbeme · 27/12/2025 16:10

Please tell us that you have protected yourself (and your DC) financially in this marriage, why are you supporting him financially as he pays for his adult DC.

Sleepasaurus · 27/12/2025 16:11

Wanting a baby because your teens no longer need you that way, because your friends are all having babies or because he’s got dc with his ex are awful reasons to bring a baby into this world.

He doesn’t want a baby so you need to choose. Is that desire stronger than your love for your dp?

Roosch · 27/12/2025 16:11

Mumoftwo2020 · 27/12/2025 15:46

Hi all. I've been with my partner 6 years. He is 12yrs older than me. I have 2 teen kids (I was married 16yrs to ex husband) and he has 3 adult kids from his previous 25yr marriage.
Wanting more kids has never been something I had even considered until a year or so ago so we had never discussed it, as I suppose we both thought we were 'done'. I'm now 40 and I am really craving a 3rd child....to the point I struggle seeing pregnant women out in the street. I have had fertility struggles (9 miscarriages to get my 2 existing children) and when they were small it was literally the happiest period of my life - I loved it. They are now independent and loving life but as I had them so young compared to my friends, amd they are now older and dont need me in the same way as quite rightly want to be out with their mates, I feel a little lost and want to do it all over again. Lots of my friends are pregnant with the final baby or have very young kids. My husband is absolutely adamant he does not want more and whilst I respect that, it does make me feel sad. He feels, at 52, that he is far too old. I don't really have a relationship with his kids and his ex wife has been problematic. I don't blame him as I respect his right to choose, but I'm a little resentful that he had 3 with his ex (she was also 40 with their youngest and wanted 1 more before menopause) and I won't get that chance. I have done a lot for my husband over the years and it hasn't always been easy (I support us financially- I own our house and pay the mortgage, pay for all our holidays and food and work very hard in a senior job i have to support my kids and him - he earns much less and a big chunk of his money goes in maintenence to his ex) so I crave something just for me.
I guess I'm not looking for confirmation that he is in the right or wrong as it is what it is, just wondered if anyone else had been in this place and managed to switch the broodiness off? I just want to be able to move forward without this craving as its so hard.

Why is he paying for adult children? At 52 he is too old. Does he bring any value to your life?

Divorce him and have another baby with a younger man? You’ll be better off!

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 27/12/2025 16:13

He is quite old to be a dad all over again so I think you need to respect that

sittingonabeach · 27/12/2025 16:13

Hormones can be a bitch at your age. I used to dream I was pregnant almost continuously for a couple of years in my early 40s.

Iocanepowder · 27/12/2025 16:17

Have you forgotten what having little kids is like op? I have a 5 and 2 year old and it is shit. Both DH and I are absolutely exhausted. No rest when you’re ill. Trying to juggle childcare and work. 2 year old battling me every time I try and change her nappy. Favourite word is ‘no’. All i wish for is sleep. Don’t do it!

myhaggisblewup · 27/12/2025 16:18

Mumoftwo2020 · 27/12/2025 15:54

I explicitly said I don't want to force him. I wanted advice from others who have been in this position to help switch off the broody feelings. I respect his decision, I did say that, and I'm not guilty tripping him - I don't share these feelings with him, I just feel sad inside.

You can't force him anyway full stop.
You need to accept his choice and in his shoes if you fell pregnant I would probably leave you.

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/12/2025 16:19

You have five kids between you who all still need you. You are too old imo, and your husband definitely is. Hormones are a bitch at that age - ask me how I know - but they settle down and you will feel better.

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