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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband doesn't want my baby

217 replies

Mumoftwo2020 · 27/12/2025 15:46

Hi all. I've been with my partner 6 years. He is 12yrs older than me. I have 2 teen kids (I was married 16yrs to ex husband) and he has 3 adult kids from his previous 25yr marriage.
Wanting more kids has never been something I had even considered until a year or so ago so we had never discussed it, as I suppose we both thought we were 'done'. I'm now 40 and I am really craving a 3rd child....to the point I struggle seeing pregnant women out in the street. I have had fertility struggles (9 miscarriages to get my 2 existing children) and when they were small it was literally the happiest period of my life - I loved it. They are now independent and loving life but as I had them so young compared to my friends, amd they are now older and dont need me in the same way as quite rightly want to be out with their mates, I feel a little lost and want to do it all over again. Lots of my friends are pregnant with the final baby or have very young kids. My husband is absolutely adamant he does not want more and whilst I respect that, it does make me feel sad. He feels, at 52, that he is far too old. I don't really have a relationship with his kids and his ex wife has been problematic. I don't blame him as I respect his right to choose, but I'm a little resentful that he had 3 with his ex (she was also 40 with their youngest and wanted 1 more before menopause) and I won't get that chance. I have done a lot for my husband over the years and it hasn't always been easy (I support us financially- I own our house and pay the mortgage, pay for all our holidays and food and work very hard in a senior job i have to support my kids and him - he earns much less and a big chunk of his money goes in maintenence to his ex) so I crave something just for me.
I guess I'm not looking for confirmation that he is in the right or wrong as it is what it is, just wondered if anyone else had been in this place and managed to switch the broodiness off? I just want to be able to move forward without this craving as its so hard.

OP posts:
Lilactimes · 27/12/2025 17:09

Hollietree · 27/12/2025 16:40

Get a puppy instead.

have to say @Mumoftwo2020 I am with the majority of posters on this too.

Try and find another sense of joy and purpose in your life - puppy ... push yourself at work... fostering....plan a trip... there will be something else out there that will make you feel good too.

xx

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 27/12/2025 17:09

Mumoftwo2020 · 27/12/2025 15:46

Hi all. I've been with my partner 6 years. He is 12yrs older than me. I have 2 teen kids (I was married 16yrs to ex husband) and he has 3 adult kids from his previous 25yr marriage.
Wanting more kids has never been something I had even considered until a year or so ago so we had never discussed it, as I suppose we both thought we were 'done'. I'm now 40 and I am really craving a 3rd child....to the point I struggle seeing pregnant women out in the street. I have had fertility struggles (9 miscarriages to get my 2 existing children) and when they were small it was literally the happiest period of my life - I loved it. They are now independent and loving life but as I had them so young compared to my friends, amd they are now older and dont need me in the same way as quite rightly want to be out with their mates, I feel a little lost and want to do it all over again. Lots of my friends are pregnant with the final baby or have very young kids. My husband is absolutely adamant he does not want more and whilst I respect that, it does make me feel sad. He feels, at 52, that he is far too old. I don't really have a relationship with his kids and his ex wife has been problematic. I don't blame him as I respect his right to choose, but I'm a little resentful that he had 3 with his ex (she was also 40 with their youngest and wanted 1 more before menopause) and I won't get that chance. I have done a lot for my husband over the years and it hasn't always been easy (I support us financially- I own our house and pay the mortgage, pay for all our holidays and food and work very hard in a senior job i have to support my kids and him - he earns much less and a big chunk of his money goes in maintenence to his ex) so I crave something just for me.
I guess I'm not looking for confirmation that he is in the right or wrong as it is what it is, just wondered if anyone else had been in this place and managed to switch the broodiness off? I just want to be able to move forward without this craving as its so hard.

You had 9 miscarriages when you were young; you are far more likely to miscarry at your age now. Even if you decided you would go ahead with another pregnancy, there is no guarantee you would end up with a baby. It is fine to feel broody and sad about not having another baby. You will just have to learn to live with that I’m afraid. Perhaps keeping the thought of a much higher risk of miscarriage at the front of your mind will help stem the feeling of sadness. The trauma of miscarriage or stillbirth is much greater than the sadness of being baby-free. Be thankful for what you have, think about ways to add more to your life without that being a baby.

AnnieLummox · 27/12/2025 17:10

I’m always surprised by how posters claim to long for a baby, but they don’t care about that hypothetical child enough to think “Maybe growing up with a dad who had to be pushed into having them will be shit”.

Lilactimes · 27/12/2025 17:10

NotMySanta · 27/12/2025 17:07

It’s hormonal - the last “push” to procreate before your ovaries give up completely. It’s like adolescent rage - all you can do is wait it out.

Ways to distract yourself:

  1. go to the gym a lot more and get a bitchin’ hot body - you will be the envy of your post-part friends and your menopausal future self will thank you for gaining strength and muscle tone. Plus you will be too exhausted to crave parenthood
  2. avoid women with cute babies. Seek out the really unhappy ones with ppd
  3. book an adventure holiday - japan or Costa Rica. It will remind you of the things you CAN do with teens that you CANNOT do with a baby in tow

Love this @NotMySanta - think this may be my 2026 goals list ❤️

PurpleBubble · 27/12/2025 17:10

sickleaveornot · 27/12/2025 16:54

Was his ex wife alot older then him? How could he have all adult kids but had a child with his ex at 40?

Not to mention that OP was married to her ex for 16 years and has been with her partner for 6. I'm guessing she is actually more mid 40s ...

Bellyblueboy · 27/12/2025 17:12

sickleaveornot · 27/12/2025 16:54

Was his ex wife alot older then him? How could he have all adult kids but had a child with his ex at 40?

I suppose his youngest could be 18 - his wife could be 58. 6 years isn’t a huge age gap? People just assume the man should be older for some reason.

Sunshine1500 · 27/12/2025 17:14

I’d be rethinking my relationship with him. If you really wanted a baby you’d be better off doing it alone anyway.
however I’d think long and hard about what the baby years would be like with two teenagers too!
sometimes we have to appreciate what we already have!

TheMorgenmuffel · 27/12/2025 17:14

I dont blame him. Even if you got pregnant straight away, which would be unlikely, he'd be a pensioner with a teenage child.
It isn't that he doesn't want your baby specifically. Its not a rejection of you personally, its that he doesn't want to start over at his age.

I got really really broody just before I started getting symptoms of perimenopause, my ovaries last hurrah so to speak. It may be that.

Its ok to be sad, its understandable, but don't let it consume you.

Soontobe60 · 27/12/2025 17:16

With kindness OP, you really need to get a grip! Firstly, why is he paying anything to his ex and their adult DC? How old were all the Dc when you got married?
Do you realise that if you were to divorce, he’d be entitled to some of your house equity, pension, savings?

Paperwhite209 · 27/12/2025 17:17

I support us financially- I own our house and pay the mortgage, pay for all our holidays and food and work very hard in a senior job i have to support my kids and him - he earns much less and a big chunk of his money goes in maintenence to his ex

No wonder he doesn't want you having another baby!

Realistically though, given what you went through when you were much younger to have your existing children, and all the risks that come with a more mature pregnancy, plus the next 18 years of child rearing, even with a 100% healthy child and no issues conceiving, I think it's a massive risk to take tbh.

pinkyredrose · 27/12/2025 17:19

Mumoftwo2020 · 27/12/2025 15:46

Hi all. I've been with my partner 6 years. He is 12yrs older than me. I have 2 teen kids (I was married 16yrs to ex husband) and he has 3 adult kids from his previous 25yr marriage.
Wanting more kids has never been something I had even considered until a year or so ago so we had never discussed it, as I suppose we both thought we were 'done'. I'm now 40 and I am really craving a 3rd child....to the point I struggle seeing pregnant women out in the street. I have had fertility struggles (9 miscarriages to get my 2 existing children) and when they were small it was literally the happiest period of my life - I loved it. They are now independent and loving life but as I had them so young compared to my friends, amd they are now older and dont need me in the same way as quite rightly want to be out with their mates, I feel a little lost and want to do it all over again. Lots of my friends are pregnant with the final baby or have very young kids. My husband is absolutely adamant he does not want more and whilst I respect that, it does make me feel sad. He feels, at 52, that he is far too old. I don't really have a relationship with his kids and his ex wife has been problematic. I don't blame him as I respect his right to choose, but I'm a little resentful that he had 3 with his ex (she was also 40 with their youngest and wanted 1 more before menopause) and I won't get that chance. I have done a lot for my husband over the years and it hasn't always been easy (I support us financially- I own our house and pay the mortgage, pay for all our holidays and food and work very hard in a senior job i have to support my kids and him - he earns much less and a big chunk of his money goes in maintenence to his ex) so I crave something just for me.
I guess I'm not looking for confirmation that he is in the right or wrong as it is what it is, just wondered if anyone else had been in this place and managed to switch the broodiness off? I just want to be able to move forward without this craving as its so hard.

Why does he pay so much if his kids are grown up?

Anyway YABU. You shouldn't have a baby to fill a vacancy in your heart when your husband doesn't want one.

How about fostering?

PrestonHood121 · 27/12/2025 17:19

I mean, stop using protection and just see what happens.

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 17:19

gottakeeponmoving · 27/12/2025 16:09

40 is too old. I had my last at 37 and I struggled. Instead of looking backwards to baby days - look forward to being a grandma.

Also, think about your relationship with this man. You aren’t painting a very good picture of him. He doesn’t sound very supportive and seems quite selfish.

Plenty of women have kids in their 40s

berightorbehappy · 27/12/2025 17:21

Sometimes our head needs to rule our heart. You’re an adult so by now you should know that just because you really want something if it affects others, then maybe you shouldn’t get what you alone want . What if the next child has a disability .. is the whole family prepared for that challenge ?

Peanutbutton · 27/12/2025 17:22

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 27/12/2025 15:54

Just get pregnant op. Mumsnet goes mental about that but hey, a baby is a gift.

That’s genuinely evil. What do you think of men switching out women’s BC pills for placebos to knock them up? Same bloody thing. Disgusting.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 27/12/2025 17:23

You are too old and he is way too old

shhblackbag · 27/12/2025 17:24

HoppityBun · 27/12/2025 16:01

so I crave something just for me.

OP that’s a huge burden to place on another living being, let alone creating a new life for that exact purpose. That new life would have a father who doesn’t want it to exist but who nevertheless would have a relationship with that life, creating life long issues.

Get a dog.

Honestly, this. Is it hormones? It'll likely pass.

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 27/12/2025 17:24

The person who doesn’t want the baby gets the casting vote. In the circumstances (age, number of existing kids you have between you) I don’t blame him at all.

PrincessSakura · 27/12/2025 17:24

I’m 35 and have a 15 and 13 year old, no way would I want to start again now, I do get broody sometimes and miss the years when they were small and needed me more but I have so much freedom now, we can go out as a family and do more exciting/adventurous outings. Myself and my husband get to have date nights and more time together as the children want to be with friends or doing their own thing sometimes.

I know for a fact I’d be completely wiped out with a newborn and we’d be so limited as a family having to consider the needs of a much younger child, meaning the older two or one parent would miss out on certain things as it wouldn’t be suitable.

It’s easy to forget the sleepless nights, the crying, the potty training, running around after a little person with no safety awareness, the terrible twos! All of the primary school events, the tantrums etc, children are a blessing and there are many positives but it’s hard, it’s exhausting physically and mentally! You may feel you have energy now but what about when you’re 50 with a 10 year old? Would you really be willing to go through all of that again?

godmum56 · 27/12/2025 17:24

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/12/2025 16:19

You have five kids between you who all still need you. You are too old imo, and your husband definitely is. Hormones are a bitch at that age - ask me how I know - but they settle down and you will feel better.

This.

Slowdownyouredoingfine · 27/12/2025 17:25

Buy a puppy.

shhblackbag · 27/12/2025 17:26

PrestonHood121 · 27/12/2025 17:19

I mean, stop using protection and just see what happens.

If you do this, you should be preparing to be alone. Completely unfair to father and child.

Tulipsriver · 27/12/2025 17:26

You have two teenagers to think of. Even if your husband was onboard, it probably wouldn't be in their best interests for you to start again. Could you honestly be there for them as much if you had a newborn or toddler taking up most of your attention?

I understand the teen years isn't your favourite stage, but they still need you. They could have exams to prepare for, the start university or their careers, break up with partners, fall out with friends, have issues around body image, bullying, substance misuse... the teen years can have lots of ups and downs. Personally I think they need a mum who has time to notice how they are doing and is available to support them as they become adults, and that would be much harder to do if you were dealing with teething or potty training at the same time.

Then there's the emotional impact of having half siblings. How would they feel seeing you and their stepdad create a new family where neither was the stepparent? One that they weren't equally part of? Especially when they are full of teenage hormones?

rereturner · 27/12/2025 17:27

Apologies if I’ve got the maths wrong, but if you’re 40, your first marriage lasted 16 years and you’ve been with your current partner for 6, I think you would have been 18 at the most the first time you got married?

No judgement on that, but I do think it’s quite unusual and maybe you didn’t have time as an adult to explore yourself outside of being a wife and then a mother?

It could help your feelings to look into something that is solely about you and your development to help distract you from these feelings. Maybe retraining for a different career, investing some time in a new hobby or finding a new group of people to socialise with.

I hope I don’t sound like I’ve made assumptions here, but lots of people have a period of years in their late teens/early twenties that doesn’t involve family making - there could be some fab opportunities for you to explore now your children are older.

rereturner · 27/12/2025 17:27

Edited due to duplicate posting

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