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Original poster

Husband doesn't want my baby

217 replies

Mumoftwo2020 · 27/12/2025 15:46

Hi all. I've been with my partner 6 years. He is 12yrs older than me. I have 2 teen kids (I was married 16yrs to ex husband) and he has 3 adult kids from his previous 25yr marriage.
Wanting more kids has never been something I had even considered until a year or so ago so we had never discussed it, as I suppose we both thought we were 'done'. I'm now 40 and I am really craving a 3rd child....to the point I struggle seeing pregnant women out in the street. I have had fertility struggles (9 miscarriages to get my 2 existing children) and when they were small it was literally the happiest period of my life - I loved it. They are now independent and loving life but as I had them so young compared to my friends, amd they are now older and dont need me in the same way as quite rightly want to be out with their mates, I feel a little lost and want to do it all over again. Lots of my friends are pregnant with the final baby or have very young kids. My husband is absolutely adamant he does not want more and whilst I respect that, it does make me feel sad. He feels, at 52, that he is far too old. I don't really have a relationship with his kids and his ex wife has been problematic. I don't blame him as I respect his right to choose, but I'm a little resentful that he had 3 with his ex (she was also 40 with their youngest and wanted 1 more before menopause) and I won't get that chance. I have done a lot for my husband over the years and it hasn't always been easy (I support us financially- I own our house and pay the mortgage, pay for all our holidays and food and work very hard in a senior job i have to support my kids and him - he earns much less and a big chunk of his money goes in maintenence to his ex) so I crave something just for me.
I guess I'm not looking for confirmation that he is in the right or wrong as it is what it is, just wondered if anyone else had been in this place and managed to switch the broodiness off? I just want to be able to move forward without this craving as its so hard.

OP posts:

Jk987 · 27/12/2025 17:27

Why don’t you plan a fantastic trip abroad instead? Just you and your husband? Make the most of your freedom now the kids are older!

MeinKraft · 27/12/2025 17:27

Couldn’t this just be your body giving you that last push to have a baby? Something to do with peri menopausal hormones i’m sure i read it’s normal to get really broody around age 40. Do you really want to throw a hand grenade into your life just when things are going nicely?

2026isgoingtobebetter · 27/12/2025 17:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Anothercoffeex · 27/12/2025 17:35

Im the big 40 next deceber, my baby will be 23 this may.

Yes i had a baby young and i loved it, would i want to go back to nights nappies, schools etc, and doing it all through my 50s, FUCK NO.
Theses years are mine and im living them.

Bellyblueboy · 27/12/2025 17:36

You both married very very young. You might not have even been 18 and he was 21?

I can understand why he wants to enjoy this stage of his life. I assume if the is still paying a big chick of maintenance then either his adult children are in university or there are some special needs?

Five children between you is a lot - and if he can’t afford the kids he has why add to that?

hypnovic · 27/12/2025 17:37

Get a dog. A baby isn't a hobby just for you!

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/12/2025 17:40

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 27/12/2025 15:54

Just get pregnant op. Mumsnet goes mental about that but hey, a baby is a gift.

I imagine people “go mad” because many people have experienced feeling unloved or unwanted by a parent, or having an absent dad who didn’t show any interest in them. And then OP will be back in a couple of years’ time complaining that her DH doesn’t pitch in with childcare and her marriage is falling apart. Nobody wins when a baby is unwanted and resented.

Boomer55 · 27/12/2025 17:41

I would get on with the next stage of your life. Enjoy the free time and go on holidays etc without babies to think about.

5 kids is enough for any couple.

pikkumyy77 · 27/12/2025 17:42

Mumoftwo2020 · 27/12/2025 15:54

I explicitly said I don't want to force him. I wanted advice from others who have been in this position to help switch off the broody feelings. I respect his decision, I did say that, and I'm not guilty tripping him - I don't share these feelings with him, I just feel sad inside.

May e you can’t switch off the broody feelings. You feel what you feel. Get a puppy and let your maternal instincts run wild with a little creature that will need tons of care and will also wreak havoc with your adult lifestyle.

and stop complaining that you pay more than him. It doesn’t entitle you to a third child.

pinkdelight · 27/12/2025 17:42

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/12/2025 17:40

Show quote history

Completely agree. A baby isn't a 'gift'. It's a person with a whole life to lead, not something to be tricked out of one of the parents to satisfy the other's urges.

Hopelesscase32 · 27/12/2025 17:44

Who on earth would want a newborn at 52. Leave the man alone.

suburberphobe · 27/12/2025 17:45

5 kids between you, and you want another one?!! You must be very rich....

Time for a therapist to unravel it all for you, me thinks.

User8008135 · 27/12/2025 17:46

I get having that feeling of broodiness OP. Honestly I still get pangs time to time but I look at how a baby would negatively change our life, as to me those cons are more important. For me, the effect on my health, age, more stretched money and the fact it would take support from my Kids who have additional needs all outweigh.

As I say I get pangs but reminding myself of the cons outweighing helps. But that may not be case for you.

5128gap · 27/12/2025 17:47

I don't think you can 'switch off' your feelings. Eventually they will switch themselves off, but that could be a fair few years in the future. So I think you need to find a way to live with them if you want to stay in this marriage, and not let them spoil the life you do have.
I suppose it's no different to anything else we might want in life that's not an option. We consider all the possibilities to make it an option (in this case, leave him) and if they're not viable or desirable, acknowledge we're sad about it, grieve it, then get on with making the best of what we do have.
In your case, building a more meaningful life outside of your role of mother, a career, hobbies, a social group. Because eventually the third child would be independent too, and you'd be in the same boat again.

Toastythesnowman · 27/12/2025 17:47

An answer for the broodiness, have a look at childcare costs? That's enough to make anyone cry let alone when you're also paying for teen children, a house and a grown ass man.

ParentingRollerCoaster · 27/12/2025 17:48

Put yourself at the centre of your story and maybe find a great counsellor / therapist.

BerryTwister · 27/12/2025 17:51

OP I think you just have to think yourself out of this state of mind.

All of us with older kids are nostalgic for the days when they were little. Life was so much simpler when it was all about toys, farm parks, bedtime stories - rather than boy/girlfriends, alcohol, parties, endless taxi’ing, phones etc.

And I know that “now or never” feeling that comes when you hit 40.

But you can’t turn back the clock. You had your time with little kids, and now it’s time for the next chapter. And really, it wouldn’t be the same second time around anyway, because your child wouldn’t have a sibling, and you would be older. So you’d have to be more involved in playing etc, when it already sounds like you have a very busy stressful life.

Also teens have a habit of throwing curveballs. You can think that they’re all sorted and they don’t need you, and then suddenly they hit some crisis and you have to save them.

The feeling will pass, and I bet in a few years time when you start to reach the menopause, you’ll be very glad you’ve not got a primary school child to look after.

Zanatdy · 27/12/2025 17:51

With respect, he is 52 and done it all 3 times and his DC are older. My brother had a 3rd with his 2nd wife age 48 and whilst he loves his son, it’s made his life much harder and he is currently clinically depressed. They admit they are exhausted as older parents. He had his first DD in his teens, so he had all the benefits of having DC young. He knew his now wife wanted children though, and he didn’t want to deny her the opportunity to be a mother. In your case, you both have kids and just because you’re the higher earner doesn’t mean he owe’s you a child. You need to let it go, as hard as it can be when you want a child.

climbintheback · 27/12/2025 17:52

Don’t blame him

godmum56 · 27/12/2025 17:52

Slowdownyouredoingfine · 27/12/2025 17:25

Buy a puppy.

no don't do that either

FizzySnap · 27/12/2025 17:52

Given your extensive past issues (when you were 16 years younger) it may not even happen. All you can do is be grateful for the two you had.

Your friends’ babies will grow up eventually and they’ll miss having young children. Every parent has their time, and then it ends.

Maybe get a dog if you want to nurture something?

Theroadt · 27/12/2025 17:52

Potteryclass1 · 27/12/2025 15:51

Just because you support financially it doesn’t give you the right to demand another baby.
just because he had 3 with his ex, it doesn’t give you the right to have 3 with him.
you sound immature and a bit resentful.

its not just a baby you’re having, it’s a child who grows into a teenager and a person who needs their parents to have energy.

babies born to older dads (and mums!) have a higher probability of mental health issues etc

you cannot force or guilt trip a 52 year old into having a baby. It sounds like he has the maturity you don’t have.

I’d agree with most of this except the assertion that babies born to older parents have greater mental health problems etc. as an older parent myself I can’t see it, and it’s quite offernsive (esp the “etc”)

godmum56 · 27/12/2025 17:53

pikkumyy77 · 27/12/2025 17:42

and stop complaining that you pay more than him. It doesn’t entitle you to a third child.

Show quote history

DO NOT get a puppy (or other live animal) unless all the adults in the house want one.

DreamTheMoors · 27/12/2025 17:53

You said in your first post that you weren’t looking for “confirmation.”
Fair enough.
But it sure as shit sounded like you were you were looking for permission.

Regardless of what anyone on this thread says or doesn’t say, I get the distinct impression you’re gonna do exactly what you want to do.

Which is not very nice to your partner - or to any potential child.

Maybe it would be better to leave your partner and find somebody who wants to have one more child - perfectly aligning with your life goals.

godmum56 · 27/12/2025 17:54