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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Date cancelled yet again. Did I do something wrong?

219 replies

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 15:21

Ie been talking to a guy for 2 weeks who has been the most emotionally attentive and consistent anyone has been for a long time. He seems to be genuinely looking for a serious relationship which is more than can be said for most people online. Lots of compliments, saying he wants me in his life etc. We were due to have a date yesterday and he cancelled on the morning of the date saying he had dental pain and a swollen face, and didn't want to meet me when feeling like that. ( earlier in the week he'd mentioned he'd had a procedure)I told him he should have told me the night before but he said he'd been really looking forward to it so thought hed just put up with niggling pain, but this pain he could not put up with. He was very apologetic about it etc and promised he'd make it up to me. I have a long history of being last down by dates at late notice over the last couple of years, and I told him it was becoming a literal joke at this stage and that I'd been let down a lot before. But I said that I took his word for it, and that we could reschedule and asked if he'd managed to get antibiotics. This was at 4pm yesterday and he never replied. I sent another message this morning just to ask if his teeth were feeling better and to reassure him not yo feel bad about cancelling as it wasn't his fault. He's still not replied. Have i done something wrong in mentioning my history of repeated date cancelling?Im an overthinker and he seemed so keen before.

OP posts:
FirstdatesFred · 14/12/2025 15:24

It's hard to judge from your post, but it's a possibility he had a genuine reason for cancelling and was put off by you "telling him off" for it and sounding quite bitter about past experiences.

It's also possible he's a player and was chatting to someone else at the same time and had a stronger connection to them.

It's also possible he just hasn't got round to replying yet especially if he's feeling rough.

Either way all you can do is be clear you would still like to meet up and leave the ball in his court, but try not to get over invested before you meet people.

It's also a potential red flag for you both to be talking in terms of "I really want you in my life" so soon and does sound a bit love bomby...

ContentedAlpaca · 14/12/2025 15:27

Was it a first date?
It seems a bit full on to be saying he wants you in his life, after only talking to him for two weeks.

megacat · 14/12/2025 15:27

He gave you plenty of notice, what difference would it have made if he let you know the night before? It’s not like he cancelled with an hours notice. He was likely hoping to feel better in the morning.
To then go on a rant about being let down again when the poor guy probably felt like shit was a big mistake. Chalk it up to experience he will have run a mile by now.

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 15:28

Yes it was a first date. I thought that as well. I said I appreciate you saying that, but you haven't net me yet

OP posts:
DancingNotDrowning · 14/12/2025 15:29

I wouldn’t reply if I’d received your message.

it was unnecessarily dramatic

blacksax · 14/12/2025 15:33

I see this all the time on Mumsnet.

Man does something shitty, unpleasant, or just flaky, thoughtless or inconsiderate.

Woman starts thread asking "What did I do wrong?"

AAARGHHHH. Why do so many women blame themselves for the shitty, unpleasant, flaky, thoughtless, inconsiderate behaviour of men? JUST WHY?

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 15:35

Lots of compliments, saying he wants me in his life etc

I am correct in thinking you haven’t actually met in RL?!

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 15:35

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 15:35

Lots of compliments, saying he wants me in his life etc

I am correct in thinking you haven’t actually met in RL?!

No we haven't

OP posts:
Floorclean · 14/12/2025 15:36

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 15:35

No we haven't

Good lord

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2025 15:36

‘Lots of compliments saying he wants me in his life’ BEFORE you’ve even met?! That’s a giant red flag that you missed. So I think the thing that you’re doing wrong is a complete inability to spot the wrong-uns.

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 15:37

It’s hard to believe that two adults behave like this - he sees you in his life? He’s emotionally attentive?

A fortnight
all virtual messaging

ComfortFoodCafe · 14/12/2025 15:37

Your message was rather dramatic!
I wouldn’t reply either and thank my lucky stars that I avoided a major headache.

Overthebow · 14/12/2025 15:38

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 15:35

No we haven't

Yes red flag from him, way too full on if you haven’t met yet. You also probably put him off by saying that when he cancelled.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2025 15:38

Op, gently, it isn’t a compliment if someone gives you this much flattery before you’ve met. It’s a sign that they’re not remotely sincere.

workshy46 · 14/12/2025 15:38

I wouldn’t have mentioned that you have been let down a lot in the past , it sounds needy and desperate and a lot to put on someone you haven’t even met. That being said him saying that he wants you in his life after not even meeting is weird so bullet dodged I’d say

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/12/2025 15:40

I bet he pops back up with a lame excuse.

Block him, OP.

TwistedWonder · 14/12/2025 15:40

He’s probably copying and pasting the same generic nonsense to several women and he got a better offer.

Any man who comes out with over the top shit before you’ve even met us a huge red flag

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2025 15:44

My best guess is that this guy just wants sexting. Loads of (insincere) compliments. He will be texting a good number of women. No intention whatsoever of actually going on a date with any of them. Will pretend to. See which of them will up their game to win him by sending naked photos.

Viviennemary · 14/12/2025 15:45

He has backed off. Maybe you came over too intense. You haven't even met him yet. Don't message him again. If he does get in touch try to keep it on a more casual footing.

TheAlcott · 14/12/2025 15:45

Well, he's love bombing before you've even met, so that's a terrible sign.

But...if his excuse is by some chance genuine, then you've gone way OTT with your response.

This doesn't sound like it's got legs, either way.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 14/12/2025 15:46

Yeah I would assume he's 4ft 11 and doesnt plan to meet you irl xx

BillieWiper · 14/12/2025 15:48

Yeah the way you responded made it sound like you didn't believe him. If I had dental problems and a stranger accused me of lying about it while I was in agony and had apologised profusely, I wouldn't want to see them again either.

LlynTegid · 14/12/2025 15:48

Regardless of who is most unreasonable, you don't seem compatible, so whilst sad, better you found out now.

smallsilvercloud · 14/12/2025 15:49

You haven’t heard anything in 24hrs, I think he’s just a flaky time waster. By the way a lot say they are looking for a relationship, doesn’t mean it’s true and in this case not even meet you, take a guy online telling you what you want to hear with a pinch of salt, meet and let them prove it.

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 15:50

But km not joking, im cancelled, usually at late notice by approximately 80% of dates. Im actually surprised if they turn up. My reaction was just a hjmmsn response. I was looking forward to meeting him and was obviously disappointed at being let down. I try to be an honest person, but maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the previous cancellations. I dud try and reassure him in the morning though with a nice message

OP posts: