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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Date cancelled yet again. Did I do something wrong?

219 replies

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 15:21

Ie been talking to a guy for 2 weeks who has been the most emotionally attentive and consistent anyone has been for a long time. He seems to be genuinely looking for a serious relationship which is more than can be said for most people online. Lots of compliments, saying he wants me in his life etc. We were due to have a date yesterday and he cancelled on the morning of the date saying he had dental pain and a swollen face, and didn't want to meet me when feeling like that. ( earlier in the week he'd mentioned he'd had a procedure)I told him he should have told me the night before but he said he'd been really looking forward to it so thought hed just put up with niggling pain, but this pain he could not put up with. He was very apologetic about it etc and promised he'd make it up to me. I have a long history of being last down by dates at late notice over the last couple of years, and I told him it was becoming a literal joke at this stage and that I'd been let down a lot before. But I said that I took his word for it, and that we could reschedule and asked if he'd managed to get antibiotics. This was at 4pm yesterday and he never replied. I sent another message this morning just to ask if his teeth were feeling better and to reassure him not yo feel bad about cancelling as it wasn't his fault. He's still not replied. Have i done something wrong in mentioning my history of repeated date cancelling?Im an overthinker and he seemed so keen before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 19:27

But its more the fact I could have been misunderstood as rude and bitter and ruined tge potential of something good that bothers me. If he'd just faded on his own that would have been easier to deal with. I just hate blaming myself for things in my own head

OP posts:
DogsandFlowers · 14/12/2025 19:30

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 19:27

But its more the fact I could have been misunderstood as rude and bitter and ruined tge potential of something good that bothers me. If he'd just faded on his own that would have been easier to deal with. I just hate blaming myself for things in my own head

It was never going to be good, he sounds as dodgy as they come and it sounds like you’ve dodged a major bullet

ThisJadeBear · 14/12/2025 19:32

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 19:27

But its more the fact I could have been misunderstood as rude and bitter and ruined tge potential of something good that bothers me. If he'd just faded on his own that would have been easier to deal with. I just hate blaming myself for things in my own head

This isn’t about him now @Forfucksake84 it’s about you. You are allowing your thinking to spiral and it’s upsetting you.
You are future faking yourself.
Even if you had said the ‘wrong’ thing that’s a lesson. You are dragging that much pain around with you, you can’t think straight.
You are becoming your own red flag now.
Who this man is or what he thinks now doesn’t matter.
He’s a stranger.

Lifeislove · 14/12/2025 19:35

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 18:31

Should I send an apology message saying I really didn't mean to come across that way, and that I would like to continue chatting

No definitely not. You step away and learn from this.
Next match you have limit to a few messages over 3 or 4 days then suggest a video call if you're keen. Then take it from there. This weeds out the fake men (there are a lot on the sites, the sexters, the ego boosty ones and so on. Nice regular genuine men will do a video call at a mutually arranged time if they're interested in you and you're interested in them.

tlofmlwcharlie · 14/12/2025 19:36

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 19:27

But its more the fact I could have been misunderstood as rude and bitter and ruined tge potential of something good that bothers me. If he'd just faded on his own that would have been easier to deal with. I just hate blaming myself for things in my own head

You'll know for next time. Reflect on this and think of better responses for the future.
However, if you're overthinking like this, I'm inclined to agree with others who have suggested you take some time out of online dating. You aren't in the right headspace for this.
He's a stranger. You don't know him. You didn't really believe his reason for cancelling the date. He was weird about saying the date would continue until the evening. He doesn't sound all that great anyway.
This was not going to be the guy you were going to run off into the sunset with and live happily ever after.

TwistedWonder · 14/12/2025 19:38

Someone mentioned your previous threads OP so I had a look and honestly please please step away from dating and work on yourself.

You came out of an LTR with your kids dad, jumped straight into another relationship with someone you say broke your heart and seem to have stumbled from disastrous date to the next with a string of men who wave red flags in your face that you completely ignore.

Please stop chasing unsuitable men, work on your boundaries which appear to be non existent and prioritise your kids. Your desperate need to have any old bloke is making you needy, desperate and very very vulnerable

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 19:44

I don't want any old bloke. I do have standards believe it or not, but even the nice ones end up ghosting for no reason

OP posts:
Crushed23 · 14/12/2025 19:50

Bullet dodged. You don’t need an intense, lovebombing creep in your life.

Cardinalita90 · 14/12/2025 19:51

Given your updates about kids and time constraints, you really should take the advice of doing a video call with all potential dates. It'll weed out the timewasters and mean you don't have to get childcare/wait ages just to go on a date where for whatever reason, there's no chemistry anyway.

If one or neither of you can find 20 minutes free to do that, you probably don't have time to date right now.

HighlyUnusual · 14/12/2025 19:52

It might be you are not in the right place for dating, OP, but if you want to carry on, join the Burned Haystack Dating Method on FB, learn to spot the obvious red flags early (as this guy had them, you ignored them) and then and only then move forward with any other men.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 14/12/2025 19:53

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 19:44

I don't want any old bloke. I do have standards believe it or not, but even the nice ones end up ghosting for no reason

Jeez

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Stop banging on about the same old stuff. You're making no sense.

DogsandFlowers · 14/12/2025 20:00

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 19:44

I don't want any old bloke. I do have standards believe it or not, but even the nice ones end up ghosting for no reason

How nice are they if they’re ghosting?
exactly.

paddleboardingmum · 14/12/2025 20:01

You can't tell who's nice or not. This guy said he wants you in his life, a glaring red flag and very weird thing to say from someone you've never even met.

Catza · 14/12/2025 20:36

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 19:44

I don't want any old bloke. I do have standards believe it or not, but even the nice ones end up ghosting for no reason

If they ghost, they are not "nice".

ThisJadeBear · 14/12/2025 20:51

@MrsDoubtingMyself sadly I don’t think the OP is taking any of it in.
It takes a lot of time and investment to find a decent partner. People think they don’t exist but they do. Sadly, I think most of the online ones are a waste of time, though.
Even if you find a decent one, pinning your self esteem and your whole future on them is asking for trouble.

TwistedWonder · 14/12/2025 21:00

ThisJadeBear · 14/12/2025 20:51

@MrsDoubtingMyself sadly I don’t think the OP is taking any of it in.
It takes a lot of time and investment to find a decent partner. People think they don’t exist but they do. Sadly, I think most of the online ones are a waste of time, though.
Even if you find a decent one, pinning your self esteem and your whole future on them is asking for trouble.

If you search the OP’s previous threads there’s a long line of dreadful men waving huge read flags in her face and she takes absolutely nothing onboard despite everything telling her the same thing repeatedly.

Unfortunately I think she’ll message this one again despite 99% of PP’s telling her it’s not a good idea.

OhNoMyLovely · 14/12/2025 21:07

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 19:27

But its more the fact I could have been misunderstood as rude and bitter and ruined tge potential of something good that bothers me. If he'd just faded on his own that would have been easier to deal with. I just hate blaming myself for things in my own head

But it was never going to be good.
He showed that by his ridiculous comments that he could see you in his life. A woman he'd never met.

I don't know your back story but another poster has summarised what she knows.

If that is true, I still say you need to take a break from dating and not trying to find a man to 'make you happy' or fix your self-worth.

You may be 41, but the way you're approaching dating is , sorry , like someone in their teens.

If men really want you, they make the effort. You don't need to run after them or ask for a 'second chance' if they cancel or ghost you.

One thing to take on board is men show what they feel by their actions.
Not their words.
Words are cheap and meaningless.

ThisJadeBear · 14/12/2025 21:12

TwistedWonder · 14/12/2025 21:00

If you search the OP’s previous threads there’s a long line of dreadful men waving huge read flags in her face and she takes absolutely nothing onboard despite everything telling her the same thing repeatedly.

Unfortunately I think she’ll message this one again despite 99% of PP’s telling her it’s not a good idea.

Show quote history

I remembered one of them very clearly. The drunk driver dude. These awful men are out there, they have such low standards of behaviour. And I am not judging I have been there….

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 21:48

He is constantly online now as well. I wouldn't be surprised if he's talking to someone else and that's why he cancelled with the tooth excuse.

OP posts:
MaddieJo22 · 14/12/2025 21:58

This is meant kindly, but you're massively overcomplicating things. You'd never met him! Him saying all these things is a red flag. Please see that. But then you chastising him is also really over the top. It might be meant with good intentions but it'll just lead to self sabotage. I think you need to increase your self esteem. I understand dating is hard but it's also meant to be fun and not draining, especially in the early days.

Arlanymor · 14/12/2025 22:07

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 21:48

He is constantly online now as well. I wouldn't be surprised if he's talking to someone else and that's why he cancelled with the tooth excuse.

You weren't very nice to him - he's entitled to talk to other people, you've never met and much less are in a relationship. Tell yourself the tooth thing was an excuse if it makes you feel better, but you're projecting stuff on to him that you don't know to be true.

OhNoMyLovely · 14/12/2025 22:08

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 21:48

He is constantly online now as well. I wouldn't be surprised if he's talking to someone else and that's why he cancelled with the tooth excuse.

So you should block him from your views.
You're torturing yourself.

What you had with this man was 2 weeks of chat. You're reacting as if this some long term relationship that's ended. Your disappointment is out of proportion.

I feel very sorry for you.
What comes over is that you fixate on any man who shows any interest.
Rather than thinking HE is the prize, think of yourself as the prize they must win.

I've not read your other threads but other posters here have.
They are saying that trying to help you isn't working because you aren't listening.

Can you see how you give that impression?

ThisJadeBear · 14/12/2025 22:08

@Forfucksake84 what are you hoping for by posting? You are getting some great advice, and you just keep returning to this man.
It sounds obsessive and a bit creepy that you are checking he is online.
Perhaps these behaviours are attracting awful men, they could also drive away a decent man.
Who he chats to is his business, and if he’s talking to someone else, the same.
Even the most sage MN posters aren’t getting through now.
If you want to carry on torturing yourself like this, you need a level of emotional support from someone professional.

Whatsthatsheila · 14/12/2025 22:12

Honestly @Forfucksake84 he just found another bird to definitely suck his cock, rather than going on a date with someone for the first time who was unlikely to put out.

block and delete him.

Sorry.

PS - emotionally attentive after 2 weeks?? That’s a bit full on and impossible to tell when you’ve not met them. Dial that back and stop getting so invested. It’s giving off needy/clingy vibes. Not attractive

Whatsthatsheila · 14/12/2025 22:14

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 19:02

He'd said he wanted to spend quality time together which i did think was weird for a first date

He wanted to shag 🤣

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