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Original poster

Date cancelled yet again. Did I do something wrong?

219 replies

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 15:21

Ie been talking to a guy for 2 weeks who has been the most emotionally attentive and consistent anyone has been for a long time. He seems to be genuinely looking for a serious relationship which is more than can be said for most people online. Lots of compliments, saying he wants me in his life etc. We were due to have a date yesterday and he cancelled on the morning of the date saying he had dental pain and a swollen face, and didn't want to meet me when feeling like that. ( earlier in the week he'd mentioned he'd had a procedure)I told him he should have told me the night before but he said he'd been really looking forward to it so thought hed just put up with niggling pain, but this pain he could not put up with. He was very apologetic about it etc and promised he'd make it up to me. I have a long history of being last down by dates at late notice over the last couple of years, and I told him it was becoming a literal joke at this stage and that I'd been let down a lot before. But I said that I took his word for it, and that we could reschedule and asked if he'd managed to get antibiotics. This was at 4pm yesterday and he never replied. I sent another message this morning just to ask if his teeth were feeling better and to reassure him not yo feel bad about cancelling as it wasn't his fault. He's still not replied. Have i done something wrong in mentioning my history of repeated date cancelling?Im an overthinker and he seemed so keen before.

OP posts:
Floorclean · 14/12/2025 15:52

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 15:50

But km not joking, im cancelled, usually at late notice by approximately 80% of dates. Im actually surprised if they turn up. My reaction was just a hjmmsn response. I was looking forward to meeting him and was obviously disappointed at being let down. I try to be an honest person, but maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the previous cancellations. I dud try and reassure him in the morning though with a nice message

So perhaps you need to stop this ridiculous excessive messaging where you seem to imagine you’re going to end up marrying the person

TwistedWonder · 14/12/2025 15:53

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 15:50

But km not joking, im cancelled, usually at late notice by approximately 80% of dates. Im actually surprised if they turn up. My reaction was just a hjmmsn response. I was looking forward to meeting him and was obviously disappointed at being let down. I try to be an honest person, but maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the previous cancellations. I dud try and reassure him in the morning though with a nice message

Why do you feel the need to reassure someone who has cancelled on you last minute and not replied to you with a nice message?

Sorry it does make you come across as a bit desperate and a pushover.

OLD needs a thick skin and strong boundaries otherwise you’ll get chewed up and spat out

TheAlcott · 14/12/2025 15:57

But your crappy experiences are not actually this individual guy's fault, is it OP? I mean yes, of course it's deeply frustrating (and online dating is a shitshow) but if I was him and I was genuinely feeling crap with dental pain I'd be thinking, fuck that for a game of soldiers after your response. These things do happen!

i think you might just need to chalk this one up again, I'm afraid.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2025 16:00

the absolute most you can know about someone after 2 weeks of texting is what they allegedly look like in a photo, and whether they’re good at texting. That’s it. That’s the maximum. Anything else is made up in your own head, and actually makes you the red flag, desperate to fall in love and will shoe horn anyone in to that fantasy. Saying ‘I want you in my life’ is patently ridiculous. Ridiculous from the person who wrote it, and ridiculous to be accepted as a sensible thing to write by the recipient. The best and healthiest response might be ‘I love your photos, your text chat and would love to get to know you more.’ Anything beyond that is fantasy.

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 16:05

What am I meant to say though when I repeatedly get cancelled by absolutely everyone? I'm sick of being kind and patient and believing everyone's excuses. I am genuinely a patient understanding person but I have my limits, and at thus point am struggling to trust what anyone says is definitely true

OP posts:
ItsmeMargo · 14/12/2025 16:05

He wants you in his life… After two weeks of texting and no actual meeting.

Some men have absolutely no intention of meeting women at all: they love the flirtation, they love the idea of keeping women hanging. I’ve never done OLD but my sister has on and off for years, and some of the men she chats with - WOW - They love bomb her, arrange to meet up, and then within 24 hours of the date they have some drama that means they have to cancel. And then she gets ghosted. It’s a game to them.

Rosiecidar · 14/12/2025 16:05

Things happen, this guy cancelled and gave an explanation. I think bringing up your past experiences and telling him what he should have done may have sounded like a telling off rather then believing him. I wouldn’t respond to a message like yours, I would honestly be thinking what would it be like if we were actually in a relationship…

Pinkissmart · 14/12/2025 16:05

mumofoneAloneandwell · 14/12/2025 15:46

Yeah I would assume he's 4ft 11 and doesnt plan to meet you irl xx

What’s wrong with being short? What a dickish thing to say

mumofoneAloneandwell · 14/12/2025 16:07

Pinkissmart · 14/12/2025 16:05

What’s wrong with being short? What a dickish thing to say

Show quote history

Nothing omg

But people online do this when they arent the typical 'desired' appearance

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2025 16:07

Just say nothing op. Let them chase you. One text ‘I’m sorry to hear that. Hope you get better soon. Text me when you’re better to rearrange’ That’s it. Then move on. Stop thinking about them. Don’t even start thinking about them in fact. Stop fantasising. Just get on with your life.

MissMoneyFairy · 14/12/2025 16:08

Don't message him again and try and meet irl, do you socialise, it all sounds way too much.

Original poster
Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 16:11

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2025 16:07

Just say nothing op. Let them chase you. One text ‘I’m sorry to hear that. Hope you get better soon. Text me when you’re better to rearrange’ That’s it. Then move on. Stop thinking about them. Don’t even start thinking about them in fact. Stop fantasising. Just get on with your life.

I text him this morning just saying I hoped he felt better and to not feel bad about yesterday as it wasn't his fault snd wasn't in control.
So I did make efforts to rectify the situation

OP posts:
Snoken · 14/12/2025 16:14

There is no way for you to know if he's making up excuses or if his situation is genuine. If it is genuine then I can totally see why he has backed off. It's not his fault that other men have cancelled dates with you before but you are taking it out on him. You need to treat every human as a new person and don't attach faults to them that you don't know that they have. It's not fair and it makes you sound very prickly.

LovesLabradors · 14/12/2025 16:14

I think perhaps you're being too earnest and trusting OP - you're taking all these men's texts as honest, when men can write anything they want on a screen. Doesn't make what they say true - as a PP said, some text in the hope of nudes/sexting. Some are in relationships & just playing about.
It's not a criticism - you're probably a nice, trustworthy person yourself, and judging men you meet online to have similar standards as you.
I wouldn't have taken this man's "I want you in my life" at face value, esp when he's never even met you. Obvious love bombing/future-faking.

OhNoMyLovely · 14/12/2025 16:14

I find it hard to understand how a man can say he wants you in his life after never having met you and only spoken to you for 2 weeks.
He sounds rather odd.

It's hard to know what's going on but if you aren't weeding out the odd-balls early on then it's maybe not surprising that they turn out 'odd' when you're supposed to meet- and they cancel.

It comes over as if they are full of hot air, say the 'right' things but are just playing a game.

TheAlcott · 14/12/2025 16:15

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 16:05

What am I meant to say though when I repeatedly get cancelled by absolutely everyone? I'm sick of being kind and patient and believing everyone's excuses. I am genuinely a patient understanding person but I have my limits, and at thus point am struggling to trust what anyone says is definitely true

I realise I sound like I'm on this guy's side, which isn't really the case!

But imagine if you had had to cancel a date at short notice for a genuine reason, and got back the response that you sent? Wouldn't that piss you off? Wouldn't you think, hang on - it's not my fault you've had previous shitty experiences?!

Again, not defending him specifically: he may very well be just another gameplaying twat. But you did ask! Next time, meet early, don't do loads of texting beforehand, don't build it up into anything. Online dating is a numbers game, nothing more.

MoominMai · 14/12/2025 16:16

@Forfucksake84 i don’t think you did anything wrong at all. Its a reasonable thing to say the should have told you the night before if thy were in such pain and then yiu also followed up with telling them it’s not their fault and if they’re any better. Not sure what more you could have done.

I have no clue why so many people cancel, likely a mixture of a ‘better’ offer and some I think never have any intention ever of actually meeting up and then there are those in relationships but who do it as a vanity thing to see if they’ve ’still got it’ and in between all that lot are the genuine ones I guess. I stopped OLD 10 years ago, either I meet someone naturally or not at all as I found it to toxic a decade ago!

WelshRabBite · 14/12/2025 16:16

OP, I need you to write 100 lines of “it all means nothing until we’ve met in person, and sometimes, even then, it STILL means nothing.”

Then read those 100 lines any time you start messaging a man from a dating app.

Some men are just on there for an ego boost and never intend to meet anyone, some are married/have a partner, some are players, some are arseholes, some are nothing like the image they portray on the app, and some just aren’t suited for you.

Invest NOTHING until you’ve met them in person, you just won’t see a decent return on that investment.

OhNoMyLovely · 14/12/2025 16:16

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 16:11

I text him this morning just saying I hoped he felt better and to not feel bad about yesterday as it wasn't his fault snd wasn't in control.
So I did make efforts to rectify the situation

Show quote history

You see, I'd have just left it.

You sound too keen and happy to accept what may be a pack of lies.

No proof he had a dental issue at all.

I think you're being played a lot of the time but you aren't seeing the signs.

Redburnett · 14/12/2025 16:20

OP you would be well advised to give up online dating and look to meeting someone in real life. You are taking the let-downs far too personally.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2025 16:22

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 16:11

I text him this morning just saying I hoped he felt better and to not feel bad about yesterday as it wasn't his fault snd wasn't in control.
So I did make efforts to rectify the situation

Show quote history

fgs, stop over analysing what you did or didn’t do, what you should or shouldn’t have said.
this guy, and guys like him, were never interested in the first place.
learn from ‘I want you in my life.’ No he doesn’t. Obviously, he doesn’t know you.

NormasArse · 14/12/2025 16:22

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 15:21

Ie been talking to a guy for 2 weeks who has been the most emotionally attentive and consistent anyone has been for a long time. He seems to be genuinely looking for a serious relationship which is more than can be said for most people online. Lots of compliments, saying he wants me in his life etc. We were due to have a date yesterday and he cancelled on the morning of the date saying he had dental pain and a swollen face, and didn't want to meet me when feeling like that. ( earlier in the week he'd mentioned he'd had a procedure)I told him he should have told me the night before but he said he'd been really looking forward to it so thought hed just put up with niggling pain, but this pain he could not put up with. He was very apologetic about it etc and promised he'd make it up to me. I have a long history of being last down by dates at late notice over the last couple of years, and I told him it was becoming a literal joke at this stage and that I'd been let down a lot before. But I said that I took his word for it, and that we could reschedule and asked if he'd managed to get antibiotics. This was at 4pm yesterday and he never replied. I sent another message this morning just to ask if his teeth were feeling better and to reassure him not yo feel bad about cancelling as it wasn't his fault. He's still not replied. Have i done something wrong in mentioning my history of repeated date cancelling?Im an overthinker and he seemed so keen before.

I think you blew it tbh.

But then he was a bit full on too.

Probably for the best!

MissMoneyFairy · 14/12/2025 16:22

OhNoMyLovely · 14/12/2025 16:16

You see, I'd have just left it.

You sound too keen and happy to accept what may be a pack of lies.

No proof he had a dental issue at all.

I think you're being played a lot of the time but you aren't seeing the signs.

Show quote history

No proof he even exists

Owly11 · 14/12/2025 16:23

You are taking out on him previous experiences with other people without even waiting to find out if he is genuine. If he is genuine then you lost out because no one wants to be accused of something they didn't do by someone they have never met. As a rule of thumb, one late cancellation should be given the benefit of the doubt. Two and it's time to move on. Trying to make things up to him compounds the problem, it doesn't solve it.

TwistedWonder · 14/12/2025 16:23

Forfucksake84 · 14/12/2025 16:11

I text him this morning just saying I hoped he felt better and to not feel bad about yesterday as it wasn't his fault snd wasn't in control.
So I did make efforts to rectify the situation

Show quote history

But again why do you feel you need to rectify a situation with a stranger who cancelled a date and hasn’t responded to your message?

You sound too vulnerable to be doing OLD - you really need to be able to brush off disappointment and think ‘next’ rather than dwell on the ones who wasted your time. OLD full of time-wasters, don’t take it personally

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