Date cancelled yet again. Did I do something wrong?

[Forfucksake84]

Ie been talking to a guy for 2 weeks who has been the most emotionally attentive and consistent anyone has been for a long time. He seems to be genuinely looking for a serious relationship which is more than can be said for most people online. Lots of compliments, saying he wants me in his life etc. We were due to have a date yesterday and he cancelled on the morning of the date saying he had dental pain and a swollen face, and didn't want to meet me when feeling like that. ( earlier in the week he'd mentioned he'd had a procedure)I told him he should have told me the night before but he said he'd been really looking forward to it so thought hed just put up with niggling pain, but this pain he could not put up with. He was very apologetic about it etc and promised he'd make it up to me. I have a long history of being last down by dates at late notice over the last couple of years, and I told him it was becoming a literal joke at this stage and that I'd been let down a lot before. But I said that I took his word for it, and that we could reschedule and asked if he'd managed to get antibiotics. This was at 4pm yesterday and he never replied. I sent another message this morning just to ask if his teeth were feeling better and to reassure him not yo feel bad about cancelling as it wasn't his fault. He's still not replied. Have i done something wrong in mentioning my history of repeated date cancelling?Im an overthinker and he seemed so keen before.

To be honest I wouldn’t be telling him about your past let downs he doesn’t need to know that. I find it a big red flag that he wants you in his life after just texting for two weeks and you have never met

Sorry OP I know you’re not taking onboard what most are saying and choosing to only focus on the minority who are agreeing with you but he’s absolutely within his rights to write you off after your message. I know many of the women on here would block a man who sent that sort of response to cancelling a date. You’re past dating life is not his fault or his business yet.

You need to take this on the chin, stop getting so involved with a stranger and learn from this

Should I send an apology message saying I really didn't mean to come across that way, and that I would like to continue chatting

I dont believe anything he says

Try not to overshare with someone you don't know

He could be a bot, in Venezuela, a woman.....please don't believe people until you know for sure

No

Don't contact him again unless he messages you

OP you're asking the wrong question by saying 'should I be written off' How about you write him off, along with any other no-shows. You come across as desperate because you're waiting to be picked, rather than thinking about whether people match up to your standards.

No leave him alone ffs - take onboard what’s being said and let it go

If you message again you really will come across as needy and desperate

No, just leave it, because while I think your message to him was a bit out of order, I think he's gone over the top with lovebombing type behaviour and that's a red flag.

For heavens sake don't text him again! Just delete the number and move on.

No, he isn't interested in you - he would have replied by now. Leave it. Everything he's said previously was bullshit.

Go for it - if you want him to see it, roll his eyes, think just fuck off now, and block you.

Hi OP. I am also OLD and if the 84 in your username is your year of birth we are a similar age. I’m sorry OLD is stressful for you; I agree it is a really frustrating experience.

My advice to you is this: until you have met someone in person, proceed on the basis they owe you very little. You are strangers. People are entitled to cancel if they’re unwell and he did give you several hours notice - he didn’t just not turn up. I know that it’s disappointing but he isn’t obliged to fight through dental pain to go on a date. I can’t think of anything worse than having dental pain and having to go on a first date.

I don’t know whether this guy was genuine or not and nor does anyone on this thread. if he was genuine, he was probably put off by your message. It was too full on and I would not respond if I received it. I disagree with those saying don’t reply at all because if he’s genuinely too unwell to come and has let you know, not acknowledging it is rude on your part and I wouldn’t expect anyone to get back in touch after that. Just send a short acknowledgement, and if you’re really keen you can say you suggest to reschedule for when he’s better

next time something like this happens, I know you’ll be upset but send a polite and breezy response and phone a mate to vent. Regardless of how you feel, ALWAYS present a relaxed appearance to someone you have never met as no one will respond well to a heavy response and being made to feel chastised by someone they have never met.

From the OTT messages, sounds like this guy may not have been the one anyway. I hope things improve for you.

NO NO NO

The number one rule is if they want to message, they will and efforts to get them to make this less likely not more.

i personally wouldn’t have send this morning’s message either but now the ball is very very much in his court. He will message or he won’t but another message from you will make it worse.

You haven't done anything wrong. Up your bar. If someone can't commit to a first date it isn't setting a good precedent for future dates. If someone let me down like that I wouldn't give them another chance.

Absolutely don’t message him again.

Incidentally, if 80% of your matches are genuinely cancelling on you that tells me you are not weeding out the flaky, disingenuous arseholes. Take a look at Burned Haystack Dating Method on Facebook or Instagram, it’s free, they explain some good rules for weeding out the dickheads from online dating and only matching with guys who are a lot less likely to love bomb and then flake out on you than 80%.

Good grief. No. Just leave it and move on.

Maybe some time away from online dating completely would be a good move? You do need a very thick skin and unfortunately you're now coming across as rather desperate. Good men will be put off by that, and bad men will use it against you. Don't give them the opportunity.

Try a different dating site / different way of dating.

(01) Breeze - on this app people get matched on the app and if they both tick "yes" or agree to the match, the app arranges a date. The date is set at a local cafe of bar, and each person (datee) pays £10 to the app to set the date up. (There is no fee if you don't match with anyone - nor if you choose to decline all the suggested dates).

^ This app removes all this nonsense texting and talking for two weeks online without ever meeting.

(02) Try speed dating local events.

The way you are currently approaching dating getting too invested in the words and texts men spout before meeting isn't working for you - and you say that men have cancelled too many times.

There are other ways of meeting people / dating which involve meeting in person much more rapidly (ie speed dating or Breeze) - these options remove hours and hours of totally nonsense worthless meaningless texting.

The thing is i really don't want anyone thinking badly of me or misunderstanding what i meant. I wasn't accusing him of lying. I told him I was sorry he was in pain and my frustration wasn't really aimed at him and it was only in hindsight that I realised how the message came across. He told me he was sorry I had been let down before and it was after that that I said it was becoming a joke. I'd had a couple of mulled wines and the response wasn't intentional

OP, it will help you so much if you think of the people you are dating as strangers until at least date 5 or 6.
Dont get invested in messaging, meet then for a quick coffee in the day, asap, like after chatting for a day or 2 get something booked in that week.
If they cant, move on to the next.
If a man wants to, he will. End of. Rinse and repeat.
Dont get attached to someone until you know them. The real them. Not words on a screen, not pictures, not even after a few dates, this isnt real

Oh and I did also say I wasn't blaming him for the fact I'd been down a lot

@Forfucksake84

Let me put it another way, you have no right to keep bothering this man now. Don't be weird. His silence is telling you to go away.

Can you not see that it’s quite heavy to be talking about your own past experiences and you being upset by them?

You haven’t done anything wrong in terms of deserving to be thought of “badly”. Your message was “wrong” in terms of it not being conducive to him wanting to reschedule if that makes sense?

The thing is a lot of people can't meet really soon after matching. Often a couple of weeks go by before we're both available. So we have to continue chatting online or it just fizzles out. I guess just get attached to the idea of someone, especially when they seem really keen and invested as most of them are so dull and make zero effort. So yes it is upsetting when things like this happen

You need better boundaries, love bombing after two weeks is not normal, sorry but he’s just not remotely interested (his loss)

Look. He isn't a person. He is a faceless nameless something at the end of an Internet line. He could be a woman or a bot. Or a rapist living in Venezuela

Why oh why do you give a SHIT what he thinks or feels?

Are you 17?