Date cancelled yet again. Did I do something wrong?

[Forfucksake84]

Ie been talking to a guy for 2 weeks who has been the most emotionally attentive and consistent anyone has been for a long time. He seems to be genuinely looking for a serious relationship which is more than can be said for most people online. Lots of compliments, saying he wants me in his life etc. We were due to have a date yesterday and he cancelled on the morning of the date saying he had dental pain and a swollen face, and didn't want to meet me when feeling like that. ( earlier in the week he'd mentioned he'd had a procedure)I told him he should have told me the night before but he said he'd been really looking forward to it so thought hed just put up with niggling pain, but this pain he could not put up with. He was very apologetic about it etc and promised he'd make it up to me. I have a long history of being last down by dates at late notice over the last couple of years, and I told him it was becoming a literal joke at this stage and that I'd been let down a lot before. But I said that I took his word for it, and that we could reschedule and asked if he'd managed to get antibiotics. This was at 4pm yesterday and he never replied. I sent another message this morning just to ask if his teeth were feeling better and to reassure him not yo feel bad about cancelling as it wasn't his fault. He's still not replied. Have i done something wrong in mentioning my history of repeated date cancelling?Im an overthinker and he seemed so keen before.

I mean regardless, you don’t know each other and haven’t even met so pinning your hopes on this person isn’t a good.

Commenting you are always getting cancelled probably appeared to be a bit of a moan. He might also be a pain but you don’t know each other yet

i mean this kindly. You’ve probably scared him off with your intensity and overthinking x

I was always of the thought that if they cant meet pretty quick what chances have they got of holding down a relationship/maintaining dates etc.

You are chatting to someone who doesn't exist though. Until you meet them it could all be for nothing as there is no spark or they/you aren't interested. Such a waste of time spent on weeks of chatting to meet and it turned out to be nothing. If you cant fit in a quick half an hour coffee at a weekend or an evening to make sure they are who they say they are then you/they shouldn't really be out there trying to date.

Your looking for actions. Not words. Words are easy

I discovered on the apps that there's a whole load of blokes who aren't ready to date, or who aren't single, or who are just a bit weird who like chatting to women, usually offloading their problems or pretending to be super-into them, and they have no real intention of meeting them. That's without including the ones chatting and promising dates hoping to get pictures of you in compromising positions.

You need a filtering strategy to weed out all these types, I've suggested Burned Haystack on FB.. Otherwise it's 95% a waste of time and you can't spot the nice men (and there are some, I found one, my friends have found one) on there and you are just wasting time with all these men chatting crap for weeks.

That's not nice of you to post this.

Age has nothing to do with these things. Maybe inexperience but not age

I would just leave the ball in their court. If they don’t apologise profusely and reschedule - they weren’t that into you. It’s annoying and rude perhaps but at least you found out early.
No point trying to be a super sleuth about it or saying anything to them. Just unmatch and move on. Honestly the men who want to take you out on a date will find a way! Forget those who don’t.

This guy was a red flag anyway the fact he was talking about wanting you in his life, before he even met you. And yet he couldn’t manage to actually meet you for a date or at least reschedule.

I’ve been quite blunt with men before telling them I don’t text daily before an initial meeting, or if they keep texting I’ll be direct and ask them if they’ve made plans for our date. That tends to repel the ones who are time wasters just looking for an ego boost
and have no real intention of meeting.

There are exceptions but I noticed many men who try and text you to death before even meeting, are trying to create a false sense of intimacy and don’t have good intentions .

I’m not sure if you’ve read the whole thread, but the op doesn’t get it at all. She’s been told gently, articulately, patiently, slowly, subtly, repeatedly. People are having to resort to sledgehammer tactics to help her understand.

Yes, probably. Kindly, you're way too invested in someone you've never met.

For heaven’s sake, @Forfucksake84 - don’t add online stalking to your repertoire!

I think it's really dodgy that he was making these claims after a few days of dating. How can he possibly know when he hasn't even met you in real life? No doubt he found you attractive from your photos and conversations but that's probably as far as it went and he's not really up for a relationship.
Hope you have better luck next time.

They were never dating.
It was phone calls. Or texts.
Not in person.

Well, quite. Pre-dating perhaps. Far toosoon for romantic declarations.

1. Someone repeatedly complimenting you online means literally nothing.
2. They may also be a love bomber
3. Never talk for more than a week without arranging a date. Honestly, 3 conversations is enough.
4. If it takes them 2 weeks to arrange a date (assuming they haven't been on holiday or something) they are probably going to fanny you around. Men who like you don't waste time.
5. Bringing past trauma into dating is never good. 'Some other guys cancelled waaaah'. Don't do it.
6. Never ever ever tell men that other men have treated you badly. It tells them that they can too. Even if you say 'so I no longer accept that treatment'. They don't hear that part.

OP, you don't even know this man. The level of investment from you towards a complete stranger on the internet is insane.

He could have let you know before and he didn’t. Read about shark cages - good strong boundaries and weed out the crap. I’d say you have everything right about you. Men online are crap you have to wade through 💩

Natalie Lue has a great book that would help you, OP. 'The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship'.

How do you know he is constantly online now? Because you are checking his status on WhatsApp? Do yourself a favour and turn that functionality off.

Were you a bit snide and too much? For me, yes, but for someone else, no.
I would have just replied "sorry to hear that, let me know if you want to rearrange". If they come back to you, great, if they don't, they don't. Until you've met someone (several times), they are just random strangers.

Are you feeling a bit more positive @Forfucksake84 ?