Date cancelled yet again. Did I do something wrong?

[Forfucksake84]

Ie been talking to a guy for 2 weeks who has been the most emotionally attentive and consistent anyone has been for a long time. He seems to be genuinely looking for a serious relationship which is more than can be said for most people online. Lots of compliments, saying he wants me in his life etc. We were due to have a date yesterday and he cancelled on the morning of the date saying he had dental pain and a swollen face, and didn't want to meet me when feeling like that. ( earlier in the week he'd mentioned he'd had a procedure)I told him he should have told me the night before but he said he'd been really looking forward to it so thought hed just put up with niggling pain, but this pain he could not put up with. He was very apologetic about it etc and promised he'd make it up to me. I have a long history of being last down by dates at late notice over the last couple of years, and I told him it was becoming a literal joke at this stage and that I'd been let down a lot before. But I said that I took his word for it, and that we could reschedule and asked if he'd managed to get antibiotics. This was at 4pm yesterday and he never replied. I sent another message this morning just to ask if his teeth were feeling better and to reassure him not yo feel bad about cancelling as it wasn't his fault. He's still not replied. Have i done something wrong in mentioning my history of repeated date cancelling?Im an overthinker and he seemed so keen before.

OP you’re bitter about being let down before, which is understandable. Anyone who’d received that treatment would be bitter. But bitterness is not an attractive emotion, and it’s one we generally all conceal until we know someone well enough to reveal our more negative thoughts.

You showed that you were bitter, and you drew a parallel between his cancellation and the previous ones. That is exactly the emotion you were conveying, and that’s what he picked up on.

Maybe he’s a genuine man who is now put off by your response. Maybe he’s a faker who was always going to let you down. He was certainly OTT, so probably a love bomber.

If you can walk away, I would. But if you’re desperate for some sort of closure, or to have some dialogue about this, I’d at least leave it a few days and then message him. But be prepared for him to not reply.

In future try and stay a blank canvass as long as possible. We’re all a product of our experiences, but it’s best to keep things light until you really know someone.

OP, you're on a hiding to nothing now.

If it was an excuse, he's not going to care how many messages you send because he had no intention of meeting you in the first place.

If he was genuine, your response will have pissed him off. If the shoe had been on the other foot, we would be telling you to delete and block a man who moaned at you / 'took your word for it' for cancelling a date because you were in pain. Even if he then followed it up with an apology!

You really need to consider stepping away from online dating. You do not appear to be in the right headspace for it.

Definitely not

You haven’t actually met and he’s already told you that he wants you in his life ? I think that you’ve had a lucky escape !

You should not reveal any vulnerabilities like this to someone at this stage of dating. Don't say you've been let down a lot or that you had a shitty ex or that your parent is very unwell or that you have low self-esteem or anything else along similar lines. Once you do that, you reveal a vulnerability and some men can prey on that. They think that it will be easier to manipulate you or to mess you around because you'll accept anything. And then you've got the next bloke dicking about.

Yes and he said he wanted to spend the whole day/evening together from 1pm onwards

He didn't mean it. He was playing with your head. AND YOU FELL FOR IT

He'd said he wanted to spend quality time together which i did think was weird for a first date

This was good advice by @OneShyQuail but you don't seem to want to take it.

How unless you have a frantic social life can you not meet someone for 2 weeks? Unless you are a parent and need a babysitter, or live long distance you both should be able to meet for a coffee after work or at a weekend.

The point is that chatting and texting aren't real.
They create false intimacy.
You don't even know if you're chatting to someone genuine.

If it takes constant contact for 2 weeks or more, to keep it all going, the person isn't really interested and just wants a 'chat mate'.

Are you able to meet people in real life away from OLD?
It's far simpler and more like reality.

Please don't take this the wrong way but are you a) quite young and b) not very experienced with men?

I have children and this man lived an.hour away. With work, distance and other commitments its often not really possible

Well that's over the top for a first date. There's an implication there of possibly having sex if he's wanting the date to continue until the evening.
A first date should be a coffee or a drink with no expectations of anything else. If it's going well you could extend it by doing something else but I'd be wary of someone setting out an expectation beforehand of a 1pm date continuing into the evening.
I think he's a player.

I'd focus on meeting men in real life and also not talking to men an hour away unless you can find more childcare/ babysitters.

Or focus on your children and ignore men for a while.

Easier said than done. Is a shallow puddle out there

This is the only advice you need

A man is not a necessity.
If you have already had one relationship that's not worked with your children's father, I'd say keep men off the menu for a while and enjoy life with your kids.

Yeah, unfortunately as a single mother in you 40s that’s just not realistic.

OP - I’m the same that it often takes a couple of weeks to find a time we can meet, as are my friends in a similar position. Not like when I was in my 20s dating in London when an after work drink was much easier to arrange. It’s logistically hard in our position.

Where does she say she's in her 40s?

Sorry but this is really unfair. Single mothers are allowed to want to meet someone. It doesn’t mean we are not enjoying our life with our kids

It’s not you, it’s him.
Dating should be fun. Doubting yourself and second guessing is not. I’d block, delete and move on. He’s not worth spoiling Christmas for.

You’re right - I’ve assumed based on the 84 in her username.

Yes I'm 41, not 17 like some of you have implied

I remember you from some previous threads @Forfucksake84 and you really need a break from any kind of dating.
At 40, you are still young. You’ve clearly had a lot to get over in terms of awful treatment.
But wha you are doing is trying to find a man in order to solve issues that you need to work on yourself.
You have a need to have people not think badly of you? That is then you allowing men to walk all over you.
Take a break. Because you have been projecting ‘low self esteem’ to each man you meet. I can remember feeling like that, and a man stepped away. I met him years later and the reason he did that is because he knew I was vulnerable and he didn’t want to hurt me. He was right.
The men you are attracting, and they do sense it, know that they can treat you badly because you clearly desperately want to meet someone.
If a man you’ve never met speaks to you about having you in his life, it’s bullshit.
You are looking at a man you’ve never met to heal your heart and make you feel better. When they don’t, you get more hurt. More bitter.
It’s really tough but step away. From all of it. You will never meet anyone decent in your current state.
Searching for validation and wondering if you are doing and saying the right things are just going to lead to more hurt.
You need some time to heal, properly. Delete the apps. Don’t bother for a while.
Then the person you need to meet is… you! Try something new, volunteer for a couple of hours each week, try a hobby, do something, and meet some new friends. Get counselling if you can. Build up your self worth. Make a better life for yourself.
If you think I’m being judgey please don’t.
I felt the same as you did at one point and took a great deal of time out.
Best thing I ever did.
Really improved my self worth and realised it was me who needed to fix myself.
And oddly enough met someone when I was volunteering and I never had to wonder if I was good enough as we were friends first.
And no more replies after mulled wine.
You are worth so so much more than the way you are treating yourself right now.
You don’t need a man, or us, to confirm you are a decent person.
You already know. I hope you take some time out, and if I learned one thing, feeling the way you are is loneliness.
Being completely alone, with no man, but with some great friends, is the opposite of being lonely.
Treat yourself with more care and I promise you, you will be surprised at how great you can feel. And I’m nearly two decades older than you - there is still time!

Being a single mum you have to have an even higher bar and really take your time to look at people over time. Your choice of partner also impacts your kids.

Also on the date he'd proposed from 1pm till evening, why on earth did you agree to that? surely you want a short date like a coffee for first meeting.

Great advice from @ThisJadeBear