Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Almost made a mistake and being almost threatened

211 replies

Brou · 22/11/2025 16:26

I will absolutely admit I have not behaved impeccably. I should have shut things down far sooner.

We have had someone working on our home for a month or so. I am without question physically attracted to him. But I have never cheated in my life. I just don’t have that side to me.

Usually I’m quite reserved so that sort of stops me from growing too close to acquaintances. But there was something very disarming and friendly about this person and we became much more friendlier than is the norm for me in these situations. I should have just kept my distance. But by no means have I been flirting or anything.

Somewhat recently we became very close to kissing. I mean I was actual millimetres from his face. But I have a happy marriage and a good husband. So I shut the things down and said something along the lines of this was a mistake. We did not touch.

I thought I would just avoid this individual but the other day he asked if we could talk. I thought we could be adults and say something like “look we got carried away before anything stupid happened”. And that would be it.

But in a bit of a non sequitur he said “how would your husband feel that you almost kissed another man in his home”. He said it in a very disturbing tone. Very much a power play.

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I really can’t stand the idea of this person playing games. He’s still got several more weeks left. I’ve been going into the office so I can avoid seeing him.

I shared this with my sister and she is adamant I absolutely should not confess anything to dh. Just to keep my head down and “ignore the prick who is bored”. Sister said I should stop the work but I’m scared he will properly start blackmailing me.

I obviously made a mistake but stopped myself. I really am torn. Should I just own up?

I have a very lovely and reasonable husband. But it really was nothing. We weren’t flirting for weeks or anything (not my nature).

I haven’t eaten properly since. What is the least bad option?

I have no idea how far this person would take things.

OP posts:
PinkPonyClubDancer · 22/11/2025 16:31

If it came down to it, it’s your word against his. Who would your husband believe? I’d just ignore the prick.

Brou · 22/11/2025 16:33

PinkPonyClubDancer · 22/11/2025 16:31

If it came down to it, it’s your word against his. Who would your husband believe? I’d just ignore the prick.

Yes, this is something I’ve considered. Husband knows my past and the fact that I’ve never been unfaithful.

I’m really not the best liar though. I do think I would run steam if an actual confrontation took place and I was having to straight up lie.

OP posts:
Brou · 22/11/2025 16:33

i really just want to take all power away from this weirdo.

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 22/11/2025 16:36

He has no power, nothing happened. He said, she said......

MissMoneyFairy · 22/11/2025 16:36

If he makes any more stupid comments just say are you threatening me, or your dh didn't seem that interested when you told him.

FirstdatesFred · 22/11/2025 16:39

Agree, he has no power. Nothing happened. Even if it does come out (unlikely) you can look your husband in the eye and say nothing happened.
It's not abnormal to have crushes on others so don't beat yourself up about that. It's a monumentally bad idea to act on them and you stopped short of that.

londongirl12 · 22/11/2025 16:41

You clearly have been flirting, you don’t get millimetres from kissing someone if you weren’t, so you’re not innocent in all this. I wouldn’t tell DH and just avoid the guy until he leaves. Let this be a strong wake-up call.

Brou · 22/11/2025 16:45

londongirl12 · 22/11/2025 16:41

You clearly have been flirting, you don’t get millimetres from kissing someone if you weren’t, so you’re not innocent in all this. I wouldn’t tell DH and just avoid the guy until he leaves. Let this be a strong wake-up call.

I really haven’t. I don’t enjoy flirting. I found it easy to speak to him. On my life I wouldn’t classify it as flirting. Just being friendly.

OP posts:
SeaAndStars · 22/11/2025 16:46

Nothing happened. Give this workman a VERY wide berth and let the work run its course. If there's ever any danger of you being in the house alone with him again invite your sister round.

Brou · 22/11/2025 16:46

Okay. I really thought getting ahead of this was the way to go.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
Brou · 22/11/2025 16:48

SeaAndStars · 22/11/2025 16:46

Nothing happened. Give this workman a VERY wide berth and let the work run its course. If there's ever any danger of you being in the house alone with him again invite your sister round.

absolutely no chance! I check the ring before going home. And have been going to my mum’s a lot. Perfect excuse with the house being dusty.

its so unsettling I just don’t know what his motivation was to say such a thing. Beyond just enjoying the power trip

OP posts:
JazzyBBBG · 22/11/2025 16:49

What sort of job is he doing is he easy to get rid of? I would certainly be telling DH he makes you feel uncomfortable.

Brou · 22/11/2025 16:53

JazzyBBBG · 22/11/2025 16:49

What sort of job is he doing is he easy to get rid of? I would certainly be telling DH he makes you feel uncomfortable.

we’re doing some building work to our downstairs. We are hoping to have it done in time for Christmas. Should be the case.

OP posts:
FlyingApple · 22/11/2025 16:55

Blackmailing you for what though?
Also, how can you be millimetres from his face but not be flirting? Sorry but I just can't imagine it.
I'm sure your husband won't believe him though.

AudiobookListener · 22/11/2025 16:57

How's this for a plan: Keep quiet, keep right out of his way. He isn't going to say anything that would jeopardize him getting paid now is he? Don't expect the work to be of a great standard. If he frightens you in any way, tell him to leave, tell your husband he is creepy and just pay for the work he's done. Once you've said he's a creepy bastard, who is your husband going to believe?

Brou · 22/11/2025 16:59

FlyingApple · 22/11/2025 16:55

Blackmailing you for what though?
Also, how can you be millimetres from his face but not be flirting? Sorry but I just can't imagine it.
I'm sure your husband won't believe him though.

I don’t really know. I’m just very anxious and somewhat catastrophising. Worst case scenarios etc

OP posts:
JazzyBBBG · 22/11/2025 16:59

Could you say you are sick of the mess and move out to your parents/sister until it's done?

SeaAndStars · 22/11/2025 17:01

"I just don’t know what his motivation was to say such a thing. Beyond just enjoying the power trip"

He's probably a manipulative, letchy git who tries to get into the knickers of every woman he encounters with his 'charm' that you mistook for "disarming and friendly". Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, he's put out and is having a dig. Sounds like an all round horrible bit of work.

Underneath it all he's probably a complete coward, won't want to risk not getting paid, a bad reputation or your husband decking him.

Put it down to experience. It'll all melt like snow when he buggers off.

NormasArse · 22/11/2025 17:02

You didn’t kiss. He went too far into your personal space, and you were uncomfortable with that. That’s why you’re staying away from the house when he’s there- because you fear he misinterpreted your friendliness, and you don’t want that to happen again. Now you just want the job finished.

Thats your story- stick to it.

FlyingApple · 22/11/2025 17:02

Brou · 22/11/2025 16:59

I don’t really know. I’m just very anxious and somewhat catastrophising. Worst case scenarios etc

Well if you're feeling that bad, your husband will probably think it's worse than it actually is.
I'm sorry you're feeling so terrible.

ZoggyStirdust · 22/11/2025 17:05

One of those threads which would go very differently if the op was a man…

Omgblueskys · 22/11/2025 17:08

Op what a shit he is, Your dented his ego , he was hoping for a shag on the side whilst in work time, work time your paying him for, he's seen his arse op,
Stay out of his way,
If h asks tell him you find builder a bit creepy and leave it like that,

ConstitutionHill · 22/11/2025 17:08

Yeah, how did your face get to be mm from his, were you both peering close up at some pipework?

I think I would say something to DH like... "I'm not sure about this builder. I'm getting slightly weird vibes. The other day we were standing close and for a second I though he was going to lean in so I backed off, maybe I'm wrong but I get an odd vibe" - then you have got ahead of it. Unless your DH is the type to then go and lump him.

But yeah, massive wake up call!

Brou · 22/11/2025 17:09

NormasArse · 22/11/2025 17:02

You didn’t kiss. He went too far into your personal space, and you were uncomfortable with that. That’s why you’re staying away from the house when he’s there- because you fear he misinterpreted your friendliness, and you don’t want that to happen again. Now you just want the job finished.

Thats your story- stick to it.

My sister said this exact thing.

Thanks all so much. My sister can be quite extreme in her responses (we are very different) so was questioning her approach.

Feel much better. I was seriously about to bloody tell my husband everything tomorrow

OP posts:
BreakfastClubBlues · 22/11/2025 17:09

Personally, I wouldn't describe 'nearly kissing and stopping millimeters away' as nothing. And if was nothing, why not just admit it?

The only person I feel sorry for is your husband.

Swipe left for the next trending thread