Almost made a mistake and being almost threatened

[Brou]

I will absolutely admit I have not behaved impeccably. I should have shut things down far sooner.

We have had someone working on our home for a month or so. I am without question physically attracted to him. But I have never cheated in my life. I just don’t have that side to me.

Usually I’m quite reserved so that sort of stops me from growing too close to acquaintances. But there was something very disarming and friendly about this person and we became much more friendlier than is the norm for me in these situations. I should have just kept my distance. But by no means have I been flirting or anything.

Somewhat recently we became very close to kissing. I mean I was actual millimetres from his face. But I have a happy marriage and a good husband. So I shut the things down and said something along the lines of this was a mistake. We did not touch.

I thought I would just avoid this individual but the other day he asked if we could talk. I thought we could be adults and say something like “look we got carried away before anything stupid happened”. And that would be it.

But in a bit of a non sequitur he said “how would your husband feel that you almost kissed another man in his home”. He said it in a very disturbing tone. Very much a power play.

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I really can’t stand the idea of this person playing games. He’s still got several more weeks left. I’ve been going into the office so I can avoid seeing him.

I shared this with my sister and she is adamant I absolutely should not confess anything to dh. Just to keep my head down and “ignore the prick who is bored”. Sister said I should stop the work but I’m scared he will properly start blackmailing me.

I obviously made a mistake but stopped myself. I really am torn. Should I just own up?

I have a very lovely and reasonable husband. But it really was nothing. We weren’t flirting for weeks or anything (not my nature).

I haven’t eaten properly since. What is the least bad option?

I have no idea how far this person would take things.

Please don’t twist the knife. I am clearly very upset at myself for getting myself into such a stupid and vulnerable position

he said “how would your husband feel that you almost kissed another man in his home”.

You forgot to tell us what your reply was? 😳

Also no sure how you go from absolutely no flirting at all to actually nearly kissing someone, but I suppose that's not the question really.

I had thought about saying something like this to get ahead like you said. It just feels too much like game playing and more lies. So I’ve kept quiet. But I do think it would be a way to cover my self should this prove to be completely unhinged.

Bloody hell, op hasn't done anything wrong,
The dirty fucking builder is the problem,

You seem overly anxious and blowing this out of all proportions. Book a few sessions with a counsellor to work through what is going on with you, both in respect of this drama and in general.

How did you end up millimeters from his face if there was no flirting? Your story doesn't make sense.

What would you have to lie about though? You say nothing happened?
I don’t understand though how you can go from absolutely nothing, no flirting or anything to then being mm away from him about to kiss.

I could not believe my ears. He has always been very low key and easy going. Seemed like nothing bothered him. So to see this side which is almost menacing for the fun of it has deeply disturbed me.

I just said that nothing happened. And my husband and i trust one another (true).

I could tell he was playing games so tried to make it look like I was not in the least bit concerned

@Brou ignore the intentionally unsupportive posts.

Just because you’re married does not mean you’re infallible. Yep, made an error of judgement. That’s pretty human. These life lessons only serve to make us appreciate and value so much more what we have.

Sounds like your reaction brings front and centre how much you value DH, otherwise you would simply ignore and move on. Instead it’s made you feel very vulnerable to what you could have potentially damaged.

The builder sounds like a player and has form for inappropriate professional behaviour. Horrible to have such a person in your home.

I have had a similar experience where a person working in my home made me uncomfortable. I now check out the builder before I check the quote. That’s what I learnt from the experience.

OP, do you think he might have made that comment in a sexy, “come-on” way and you misread it as a threat? Just wondering because you found him quite sweet before tge near-kiss, right? Although if he made you feel scared, you’re probably reading him correctly.

Just ignore him, if you can. He’ll be wanting to get paid and leave, now that things are awkward between you.

This man has had a very nasty and quite weird reaction to rejection....makes me think he's manipulated you and gone in very strong in the first place. Give yourself a break OP, you've learnt a lesson. Maybe it's time to invest some extra energy into your marriage and you DH, and have sure you protect what's discuss to you.

Yep, made an error of judgement. That’s pretty human. These life lessons only serve to make us appreciate and value so much more what we have.

In what way did the OP make an error of judgement if she didn't flirt with him?

I feel like it would said in a nasty way. Not playful at all. I got the sense that he wanted to unsettle me (didn’t let him get the satisfaction).

OP you need to wake up. If your face was mm from his you put them there. People don’t just walk up to strangers and do this. Friendly = flirting here.

I would have to tell my OH if something like this happened. I would probably say something like ‘I was friendly and chatty with him, then realised he expected more when he was inches from my face and I’ve been avoiding him ever since’

I’m sure my husband would understand that and it’s the truth!

This sounds so dramatic.

What were you doing to be milimeters away from his face? Did you approach him? Did hi approach you? Or was it mutual?

You need to accept some sort of accountability here, as it sounds like you’ve definitely been flirting because you fancy him. Otherwise you wouldn’t feel so anxious about this man telling your husband.

Just stay away from him as much as you can. Keep verbal communication to an absolute minimum.

And my husband and i trust one another (true).

You won’t mind him knowing you almost kissed the other man then. And he’ll believe you didn’t mean it.

🤷‍♀️

Don't say anything to your husband, OP. If this man says anything (and I doubt if he would, for his own sake), I would say you had enjoyed chatting with him until he stepped too close, and you wish people could be friendly without having their friendliness taken for a come-on.

OP, you were tempted and you resisted just in time. (Like many, many people on MN will have been tempted during their lives, but few would admit it). That's the important thing - that you said no.
If this scummy builder says something to your husband then you'll have to fess up. He'd be hurt, of course, but hopefully he'd see how remorseful you are.
I can't see the builder saying anything, though. He wouldn't want to risk getting decked or not being paid.
Get him out as soon as you can, forgive yourself, and be more careful in future.

The OP said she was "actual millimetres from his face".

Wouldn't your OH ask you how that came to be?

But by no means have I been flirting or anything.

You obviously were flirting, else you wouldn’t have come close to kissing him.

You have to be honest with yourself, else what’s the point in asking for advice.

You did wrong but only took it so far.
Therefore I wouldn’t say anything and see it as a lesson learnt.
Just avoid the guy.

Why do you need to 'cover yourself' if, as you say, you weren't flirting or doing anything?

Such a cunty response. Completely unnecessary.

If he attempts anything similar say to him "I've no idea what you're talking about. I never had the slightest intention of kissing you. I'm going to speak to my H about what you've said as I don't feel comfortable with you in our home". Keep firm to this.
You may want to tell your H about the 'bizarre' thing the guy said to you if you think you can hold your nerve and not admit to any feelings your H doesn't need to know you had.