Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Almost made a mistake and being almost threatened

211 replies

Brou · 22/11/2025 16:26

I will absolutely admit I have not behaved impeccably. I should have shut things down far sooner.

We have had someone working on our home for a month or so. I am without question physically attracted to him. But I have never cheated in my life. I just don’t have that side to me.

Usually I’m quite reserved so that sort of stops me from growing too close to acquaintances. But there was something very disarming and friendly about this person and we became much more friendlier than is the norm for me in these situations. I should have just kept my distance. But by no means have I been flirting or anything.

Somewhat recently we became very close to kissing. I mean I was actual millimetres from his face. But I have a happy marriage and a good husband. So I shut the things down and said something along the lines of this was a mistake. We did not touch.

I thought I would just avoid this individual but the other day he asked if we could talk. I thought we could be adults and say something like “look we got carried away before anything stupid happened”. And that would be it.

But in a bit of a non sequitur he said “how would your husband feel that you almost kissed another man in his home”. He said it in a very disturbing tone. Very much a power play.

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I really can’t stand the idea of this person playing games. He’s still got several more weeks left. I’ve been going into the office so I can avoid seeing him.

I shared this with my sister and she is adamant I absolutely should not confess anything to dh. Just to keep my head down and “ignore the prick who is bored”. Sister said I should stop the work but I’m scared he will properly start blackmailing me.

I obviously made a mistake but stopped myself. I really am torn. Should I just own up?

I have a very lovely and reasonable husband. But it really was nothing. We weren’t flirting for weeks or anything (not my nature).

I haven’t eaten properly since. What is the least bad option?

I have no idea how far this person would take things.

OP posts:
BakedBeing · 22/11/2025 20:54

Brou · 22/11/2025 20:37

This is what I meant by blackmailing. Is he going to try it on with the bill now he thinks he has something to “bargain” with?

Edited

Well him telling your husband is not going to end in him being more likely to get paid in full… Of course men are not the ones always in charge of finances but it might not hurt for him to think yours is, should he raise this again…

wizzywig · 22/11/2025 20:58

I think hes scary. Hes giving me the creeps

Willyoujust · 22/11/2025 20:58

Tell your husband that he’s been trying to flirt with you and tried to kiss you and he makes you feel uncomfortable- all true!!! You can leave out the part that you fancy him!

OhDearMuriel · 22/11/2025 21:07

It’s a non-issue, nothing actually happened.

Don’t be intimidated by a chancer scumbag in your own home.

Head high, never justify yourself to anyone.

MenoCoach · 22/11/2025 21:09

Brou · 22/11/2025 16:33

Yes, this is something I’ve considered. Husband knows my past and the fact that I’ve never been unfaithful.

I’m really not the best liar though. I do think I would run steam if an actual confrontation took place and I was having to straight up lie.

You didn't do anything. At one point your face was near his face. Ooooo.

NOTHING HAPPENED.

OhDearMuriel · 22/11/2025 21:09

Willyoujust · 22/11/2025 20:58

Tell your husband that he’s been trying to flirt with you and tried to kiss you and he makes you feel uncomfortable- all true!!! You can leave out the part that you fancy him!

Really? Why would you create potential drama?

CherrieTomaties · 22/11/2025 21:09

Brou · 22/11/2025 20:34

Have read through some of the messages.

I don’t think I am being evasive at all.

i acknowledge my part in this. I absolutely almost kissed the man before coming to my senses. It’s not like I fell and landed by his face. Thank fuck I didn’t get carried away. He is very much not the nice guy I took him to be.

But it’s definitely not been a month of inappropriate behaviour. Absolutely not. I shouldn’t have been as friendly and as chatty as I was. I should have been honest with myself and acknowledged I was only behaving in that manner due to my attraction.

Im not meaning to sound nasty here but you admit you fancied him and almost kissed him, but you’re upset at the builder for saying “how would your husband feel that you almost kissed another man in his home”. Which is the truth isn’t it?

I mean, he sounds like a creep anyway acting inappropriately with a married paying customer- but it’s your own actions you should be upset with. I really don’t see how you think you’re being “threatened”?

OhDearMuriel · 22/11/2025 21:11

@CherrieTomaties
Could it be the intimidating tone of his voice??

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/11/2025 21:24

CherrieTomaties · 22/11/2025 21:09

Im not meaning to sound nasty here but you admit you fancied him and almost kissed him, but you’re upset at the builder for saying “how would your husband feel that you almost kissed another man in his home”. Which is the truth isn’t it?

I mean, he sounds like a creep anyway acting inappropriately with a married paying customer- but it’s your own actions you should be upset with. I really don’t see how you think you’re being “threatened”?

This is absolutely right.

CherrieTomaties · 22/11/2025 21:31

OhDearMuriel · 22/11/2025 21:11

@CherrieTomaties
Could it be the intimidating tone of his voice??

Could be. But he’s not wrong is he?

They’re both to blame for nearly kissing each other.

He probably tries it on with all his female clients. Mostly likely he won’t tell the husband anything but would have said what he said to the OP cause he felt rejected as she shut it down before it escalated.

BunnyLake · 22/11/2025 21:49

PatThePenguin · 22/11/2025 18:05

OP didn't kiss him so she can say in all honesty to her husband that nothing happened, if it comes to it.

True, but she'll have to be prepared to explain how she came to be millimetres from his face.

I’m not sure that needs to be known. If workman says that she can say he’s talking crap.

TessSaysYes · 22/11/2025 21:51

Own up to what?...nothing happened literally, apart from in your head...so you think he's going to say " hey hubby, your wife ALMOST kissed me" . He will sound ridiculous. He LL sound nuts.
Nothing happened, so stop stressing. Your thoughts are confidential inside your head. I think it ll be fine. Just be careful next time.

Wayk · 22/11/2025 23:27

Relax, you did nothing wrong. He is on a power trip. Just avoid him and count the weeks until he is finished.

Mistyglade · 22/11/2025 23:33

Sorry nrtft but just ignore the bloke, he’ll be gone soon. What's he going to say happened anyway?

Don’t worry. X

OhDearMuriel · 23/11/2025 00:18

CherrieTomaties · 22/11/2025 21:31

Could be. But he’s not wrong is he?

They’re both to blame for nearly kissing each other.

He probably tries it on with all his female clients. Mostly likely he won’t tell the husband anything but would have said what he said to the OP cause he felt rejected as she shut it down before it escalated.

You are missing the point.

He is absolutely wrong to be threatening and sinister about it.

PatThePenguin · 23/11/2025 00:20

BunnyLake · 22/11/2025 21:49

I’m not sure that needs to be known. If workman says that she can say he’s talking crap.

Lie to her husband?

pocketpairs · 23/11/2025 00:26

Annoying, being friendly is offering a cup of tea, having a conversation about the weather, NOT being millimeters away from kissing the guy!! You're being dishonest, and at the very least having an emotional affair.

Having said that you probably need to hope this thing blows over, and stop acting like the victim. Use this as a learning experience.

pocketpairs · 23/11/2025 00:28

Omgblueskys · 22/11/2025 17:14

Bloody hell, op hasn't done anything wrong,
The dirty fucking builder is the problem,

Have you lost the plot or something?! She was having an emotional affair that almost got physical..

CherrieTomaties · 23/11/2025 01:13

OhDearMuriel · 23/11/2025 00:18

You are missing the point.

He is absolutely wrong to be threatening and sinister about it.

Missing what point?

He was telling the truth.

The OP admits she nearly kissed him.

So how exactly is the builder “threatening” her and being “sinister” about it?

Mumsnet is full of drama llamas 🤣🤣

mummymetalhead · 23/11/2025 01:25

OP you still haven’t explained the run up to the near kiss. You can’t go from a normal conversation to nearly snogging someone in a heartbeat.
If that was the case, what’s to stop you snogging everyone in Tesco?!
There must have been SOME flirting.

Makingadecision · 23/11/2025 01:56

NormasArse · 22/11/2025 17:02

You didn’t kiss. He went too far into your personal space, and you were uncomfortable with that. That’s why you’re staying away from the house when he’s there- because you fear he misinterpreted your friendliness, and you don’t want that to happen again. Now you just want the job finished.

Thats your story- stick to it.

This is a good plan

RachelFanshawe · 23/11/2025 02:03

How on earth did you manage to be millimetres from his face?

LonelyPotato · 23/11/2025 02:17

Not quite in the same vein as the OP, but I have been millimetres away from a workman’s face because my shower was broken, he was from a company employed by my landlord and my bathroom is tiny, especially where the entrance to the shower is. He told me to “check it was running warm” and then pinned me in between the running water with his obese body against the wall so I couldn’t get out without him moving. His disgusting face millimetres from mine as I stood up from leaning forward to check the water. The bastard even hesitated while pinning me in for several seconds with a smirk on his face. He did fuck off and I got out and away but PPs should think that as OP has described, the guy chose to use her circumstance as a power play. Men can be utterly disgusting in their attempts at dominance, especially when they see you as a vulnerable easy target when they get their ego dented.

InLoveWithAI · 23/11/2025 02:50

I don't think you're being honest with yourself about the flirting.

As others have said, you don't go from 'do you want milk in your coffee' to millimeters away from someone's face.

Pryceosh1987 · 23/11/2025 02:55

We must forgive ourselves before obatining forgiveness from others.