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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Almost made a mistake and being almost threatened

211 replies

Brou · 22/11/2025 16:26

I will absolutely admit I have not behaved impeccably. I should have shut things down far sooner.

We have had someone working on our home for a month or so. I am without question physically attracted to him. But I have never cheated in my life. I just don’t have that side to me.

Usually I’m quite reserved so that sort of stops me from growing too close to acquaintances. But there was something very disarming and friendly about this person and we became much more friendlier than is the norm for me in these situations. I should have just kept my distance. But by no means have I been flirting or anything.

Somewhat recently we became very close to kissing. I mean I was actual millimetres from his face. But I have a happy marriage and a good husband. So I shut the things down and said something along the lines of this was a mistake. We did not touch.

I thought I would just avoid this individual but the other day he asked if we could talk. I thought we could be adults and say something like “look we got carried away before anything stupid happened”. And that would be it.

But in a bit of a non sequitur he said “how would your husband feel that you almost kissed another man in his home”. He said it in a very disturbing tone. Very much a power play.

I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I really can’t stand the idea of this person playing games. He’s still got several more weeks left. I’ve been going into the office so I can avoid seeing him.

I shared this with my sister and she is adamant I absolutely should not confess anything to dh. Just to keep my head down and “ignore the prick who is bored”. Sister said I should stop the work but I’m scared he will properly start blackmailing me.

I obviously made a mistake but stopped myself. I really am torn. Should I just own up?

I have a very lovely and reasonable husband. But it really was nothing. We weren’t flirting for weeks or anything (not my nature).

I haven’t eaten properly since. What is the least bad option?

I have no idea how far this person would take things.

OP posts:
Jugendstiel · 25/11/2025 23:52

Stillpoor · 25/11/2025 12:16

They both played a part in it.
Not just one to blame but when it came to the crunch she saw the light.
But it's all his fault obviously.

What's all his fault?
Nothing happened. Nothing happening is nobody's fault. because it didn't happen.

But threatening talk about her husband 'finding out', designed to make her feel scared and ashamed of something that didn't happen - that is his fault because he is the one doing the threatening.

Pretty simple.

Laura989 · 27/11/2025 20:55

Just make sure you don't lower your guard at any point. He could very well be trying to film or record you saying something.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 27/11/2025 21:00

Brou · 22/11/2025 20:37

This is what I meant by blackmailing. Is he going to try it on with the bill now he thinks he has something to “bargain” with?

Edited

I have to say I did wonder if he had his phone set to record while he was having that conversation with you.

washinwashoutrepeat · 28/11/2025 08:17

Yack. He is a weirdo!

GuyForksAndKnives · 28/11/2025 08:43

Cucy · 22/11/2025 18:57

I disagree.

OP is as just as much to blame here and it’s unfair blaming the workman when OP was flirting with him and giving him all the signals.

She either needs to tell DH the truth and be honest about her part in it or don’t say anything.

You are suggesting coming up with a whole new lie, which is pointless because it’s still a lie and it’s unfair on the workman.

A decent honest builder who's trusted to go into people's houses wouldn't act like this knowing the person was married.

I wouldn't feel happy with him in the house by himself in case he started snooping in my knicker drawer.

Ripplemoment · 28/11/2025 16:49

NormasArse · 22/11/2025 17:02

You didn’t kiss. He went too far into your personal space, and you were uncomfortable with that. That’s why you’re staying away from the house when he’s there- because you fear he misinterpreted your friendliness, and you don’t want that to happen again. Now you just want the job finished.

Thats your story- stick to it.

Absolutely this.
Get your head straight.

Definitely get in that he gives you a creepy vibe, which he bloody does.

Avoid the house and get him out asap.

My story would be if he does try to say anything was HE got i to your space, you backed off away and he had the fxcking cheek to imply there was something between you.

You have given him a wide berth since.
He mistook a friendly manner for something else.

Stop beating yourself up, useless emotion.

I would absolutely hate him being alone in my home, having the run of it.
He doesn't sound trustworthy.
Sorry.

Branleuse · 28/11/2025 22:46

ZoggyStirdust · 25/11/2025 12:08

Is that what you read? That he tried it on with her and she stopped him?

suggest you read the op’s posts again

No, but that's what I'd be telling my husband if anything came of it.

Coffeislife · 28/11/2025 22:59

I would tell my husband instantly

ZoggyStirdust · 29/11/2025 10:28

Branleuse · 28/11/2025 22:46

No, but that's what I'd be telling my husband if anything came of it.

I always thought lying to partners was a bad thing and pretty much condemned on here when a man does it.

but you do you

NormasArse · 29/11/2025 12:39

ZoggyStirdust · 29/11/2025 10:28

I always thought lying to partners was a bad thing and pretty much condemned on here when a man does it.

but you do you

So you think it’s worth causing her husband misery by telling him she found another man (who sounds like he was grooming her tbh) attractive?

She let her feelings run away with her, but she didn’t act on it, so what’s to tell?

savannahnights · 12/12/2025 00:31

NormasArse · 29/11/2025 12:39

So you think it’s worth causing her husband misery by telling him she found another man (who sounds like he was grooming her tbh) attractive?

She let her feelings run away with her, but she didn’t act on it, so what’s to tell?

She will cause him more misery if she lies and gets caught. It would undoubtedly destroy his trust in her and make him question what else she is lying about.

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