My husband lost his job and I’m finally saying it out loud

[Mamalolly]

Sorry if this ends up being long I just need to get it off my chest because I feel like I’m going to explode if I keep it in any longer.

My husband lost his job, and I’m finally admitting it out loud. We’ve got two kids one’s still a baby and I’m not working right now because I’m home with them. I’ve been trying so hard to stay calm and keep things normal for the kids, but inside I’m absolutely terrified.

Every day feels like I’m holding my breath. I can’t stop worrying about how we’re going to manage the rent, the bills, food, nappies, everything. It feels like there’s no breathing room, and every time I try to plan ahead, I just end up spiralling. I’ve been cutting back on everything I can, but it never feels like enough.

My husband’s been applying for jobs nonstop, but he hasn’t had any interviews yet. I can see how much it’s getting to him. He’s trying to stay positive, but I can tell he’s scared too. He keeps saying he feels like he’s letting us down, and it breaks my heart because he’s not he’s doing everything he can. The job market just feels impossible right now.

I feel guilty for not working, even though I know looking after a baby is basically a full-time job on its own. I keep thinking about trying to find something, but childcare is so expensive that it feels like we’d just end up worse off. It’s such a horrible catch-22.

I’m exhausted from trying to stay strong all the time. I smile and act like everything’s fine for the kids, but when they’re asleep, I just fall apart. The fear is unreal.

Still, somewhere deep down, I do believe we’ll get through this. We’ve faced hard times before, and somehow we’ve always found a way. I just wish it didn’t have to feel this heavy in the meantime.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this maybe just to finally say it out loud. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read.

Apologies if this has been mentioned as I've not had chance to RTFT. Can you apply to the Housing benefit people for a discretionary top up on housing benefit? If you are experiencing exceptional hardship they can look at paying more of your rent for you to take some of the pressure off.
Remember your rule of 5 and box breathing for when you feel like you are spinning out, 5 things I can see, 4 things I can touch etc breathe in for 4 hold for 4 out for 4 pause for 4 then repeat. It is stressful but you are a team so support each other and this will soon be a memory and a tale you tell each other as a reminder of how you survived this difficult time x

Did he lose his job through redundancy? Did he get a pay out to help you through?
Hopefully it wasn't due to poor performance, and he has decent references from his job.
Things always work out in the end. Just got to keep plodding on and staying positive OP.

Has your husband registered with temp agencies? He should be able to get a job starting almost immediately doing admin or warehouse work. Then he can keep looking for a better one.

OP did you keep your job? If so, can you see about going back even on reduced hours? You should also have 10 keeping in touch days to use throughout maternity - these are full pay. If you do have a job then get these 10 days booked in ASAP - even one day paid for the next 10 weeks would be a help.

If you don't have a job right now then look at cleaning agencies. You could do a cleaning job in the morning or evening that would likely be only two hours work. You could leave your baby during that time and feed her before you go and when you get home. May only pay you around £30 a day or less, but if you did that a few days a week it would make a big difference to finances, and you could likely keep it even after your partner finds a job.

There are jobs out there. Look for hospitality work or factory work or care work. Those industries are always hiring and would take him.

Child is exclusively breastfed 3 month old 🙄

You go out to work and he stays at home to look after the kids until the jobs market picks up

You can apply for a discretionary housing payment from your local council. They can make payments towards rent if it is over the LHA. Its part of the homeless prevention scheme.

You can get a water reduction as you are on benefits. There are two schemes, one for if you are on metered and another if not. The non metered is usually cheaper.

Have you applied for Council Tax Reduction? This is separate to Universal Credit and is via the local council.

Broadband have social tariffs - Google ofcom social tariffs.

Have a look for Baby Banks in your local area. They can help with nappies, clothes, Toiletries for the baby.

Have a look for benevolent funds, there may be one you can apply for. Often they are job/career specific or there are general ones.

If you have debt, speak to them about reducing payments or go to a free debt advice service as they can help with this.

Realistically once your baby is 5 month oldish you can go back to work so you can start applying with the hope of getting something in a couple of months.

your husband should continue applying for things in his field but in the meantime pick up whatever he can to bring some money in. Is he registered with temp agencies?

I don't r think you have rbe luxury to say you cant work because of breastfeeding, especially if your baby is a few months old.

There are some right race-to-the-bottom arseholes on this thread, enjoying OP’s misery because they didn’t have decent maternity leave

We were in the same situation a week before Christmas last year. we had 2 young children and I was 7 months pregnant with our third it was awful. Husband managed to get a job but it took about 8 weeks. In the mean time he managed to get a couple of odd jobs helping out in the trade he works in to bring in extra cash. What does your DH do? I was also a sahm too. My DH did get a job in the end but the pay was a bit less. I set up a small business when my baby was a couple of months old that fitted around the children and has helped bring in some extra cash. Maybe you could do something like that?

Do you have your job to go back to OP? At least that is something if so as you could return earlier if needed. Also as others have said KIT days as there will be no deductions as you are not receiving any maternity pay.

Could your partner try something like temporary Christmas post office...they dont have so many cards but lots of parcels now.

If that is the case try asking the council housing benefit department for a discretionary housing payment if you’re getting the housing element of universal credit and it is not covering your full rent but for a short time only you need some extra help because of circumstances that are not your fault (such as losing your job) and you could afford the rent when you moved into the property, they may help

The Amazon work sounds really good I’m gonna tell hubby as we are struggling with the cost of living.

Oh goodness that’s tough, and at a time in your lives when you should be able to enjoy your babies without this worry on your shoulders.
I feel for you and your husband and hope he finds something really soon.
best of luck and fingers crossed for you 🤞xx

When I was a child and my dad was made redundant both my parents started applying for jobs - my mum got a job first; my dad became a stay at home dad. He still applied for jobs and when he got one that paid a lot more than my mum's job they swapped back.
It meant that as a family we still had an income while my dad was looking for work!
IMO if you're not also actively looking for work you can't complain and also can't be that worried!

I think you may have to look for work too if he can't find any.

Sorry OP but, whilst the luxury of staying at home with children is wonderful, it’s not something you can afford at the moment.
I went back to work part time when my baby (now a few months old) was 6 weeks. We’ve an expensive life so needs must.
You both need to be looking for jobs.

Did you guys have savings for a rainy day?

OP something similar happened to us a few months ago.
DH was made redundant out of the blue. I do work full time as well but we can't afford just my salary due to the amount of debt we have.
I was terrified but having to keep it together. Told DH every day I was proud of him for applying for job, looking for jobs for him as well, sending over any and everuthing, helping with interview prep, working on his CV and cover letters.
DS basically spent the summer in his bedroom because DH was too busy applying for job and I was working.
It's so scary and not smooth sailing.
DH now has a job that pays more but he absolutely hates. As in he was in tear yesterday about it. He's on the brink of a breakdown.
So we are back to job hunting for him. Desperate to find something. It's very, very difficult OP

So nothing like OP then who's chosen to rent in an area so beyond their means, and so on the max of their finances that temporary unemployment means they can't afford the next rent payment.

I agree with that as long as decent child care can be sorted.

OP, surely your husband is signing on and getting benefit? Apply for everything you can, you are entitled to it.

Don't be downhearted, something will turn up. Your husband is trying hard. x

You go back to work he can look after child/children. Easy fix for a temporary measure

Has he tried using ChatGPT to update his cv? Also use it to ‘tweak’ his cv to each job he’s applying for and also send a cover letter and personalised cv directly to the companies advertising rather than only going through job sites, recruitment is tough and if you make it easier for the employer there is more chance of being noticed, eg if an employer is getting 100 plus application notifications from indeed they do not have the time to look at the detail of them all all so approaching the company directly ups the odds of gaining an interview.
also a hint is to ask ChatGPT to suggest relevant roles to his experience to open the options for new roles he may never have explored or thought about, I was recently made redundant after 30 years in hospitality and using ChatGPT in this way really opened my eyes to the different roles in different sectors I could apply for, wishing you both the best of luck x