My husband lost his job and I’m finally saying it out loud

[Mamalolly]

Sorry if this ends up being long I just need to get it off my chest because I feel like I’m going to explode if I keep it in any longer.

My husband lost his job, and I’m finally admitting it out loud. We’ve got two kids one’s still a baby and I’m not working right now because I’m home with them. I’ve been trying so hard to stay calm and keep things normal for the kids, but inside I’m absolutely terrified.

Every day feels like I’m holding my breath. I can’t stop worrying about how we’re going to manage the rent, the bills, food, nappies, everything. It feels like there’s no breathing room, and every time I try to plan ahead, I just end up spiralling. I’ve been cutting back on everything I can, but it never feels like enough.

My husband’s been applying for jobs nonstop, but he hasn’t had any interviews yet. I can see how much it’s getting to him. He’s trying to stay positive, but I can tell he’s scared too. He keeps saying he feels like he’s letting us down, and it breaks my heart because he’s not he’s doing everything he can. The job market just feels impossible right now.

I feel guilty for not working, even though I know looking after a baby is basically a full-time job on its own. I keep thinking about trying to find something, but childcare is so expensive that it feels like we’d just end up worse off. It’s such a horrible catch-22.

I’m exhausted from trying to stay strong all the time. I smile and act like everything’s fine for the kids, but when they’re asleep, I just fall apart. The fear is unreal.

Still, somewhere deep down, I do believe we’ll get through this. We’ve faced hard times before, and somehow we’ve always found a way. I just wish it didn’t have to feel this heavy in the meantime.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this maybe just to finally say it out loud. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read.

My DH lost his job just before DD was born and I lost mine immediately after when the company I worked for restructured. It’s very stressful, especially with two small kids.
Can you go back to work early? It’s not ideal but I had to job search and start a new role when DD was nearly 5 months.

My DH retrained but got a weekend job at an estate agents whilst he was doing that to help contribute more money.

Depending where you live there will be evening work available - waitressing Xmas events, supermarket work etc. even babysitting for other families? Hope you can work it out soon.

This is so stressful for you. It depends on your savings and qualifications, but I would look for temp jobs in offices, care or cleaning work. I have worked as a carer before in a care home and absolutely loved it. It also has the advantage of shift work, so you could work different shifts and care for children/look for other jobs between. Not ideal at all, but might be a short term solution.

I’m sorry it’s so stressful, we’re hearing this from people rn, it’s awful.

Can you say what kind of work your dh did? Do you have anything you could go back to

You need to be looking for full time work too. You have a family to support just as much as your husband, baby or not. Plenty of other mothers are forced back to pay the bills.

So sorry to read your situation, I’ve been redundant and it’s shit. The best way I found to get a new job rather than sending a cv anywhere or bothering with recruiters was phoning up people I’d worked with before and asking them who was looking for someone like me - it meant I could be much more specific about what I wanted, and two conversations led to two interviews and two offers within a short space of time. Get your husband to use his network and ring people who like him! Even someone connected with the redundancy might be in a new role or hear of something in their network that fits, and people respond better to conversations than that annoying banner on linked in. Good luck and I hope things turn around soon xxxx

Exactly, it’s daft to say “just move”. I went back to work when both my babies were 6 months old - didn’t have the money to be off for any longer. It’s nit the end if the world and I kept BF to month 10 or 11 which honestly I think is pretty ok. Don’t panic, stay flexible

Definitely find out what benefits you are entitled to. This is the exact situation they are there for- a safety net for people in trouble until they can get back on their feet.

I’d also look at getting yourself a part time or evening seasonal job just to help out for the time being.

Long term they need to move.

This ridiculous "I can only now bring myself to say it" because image to others is the main focus. The naice rental area? Newsflash, they can't afford. It was stupid to rent there to start with (but looks the part 🙄 ), so yes, long term they need to accept their financial means and live within them so one hiccup of short unemployment doesn't mean they can't meet a rent payment.

Sainsbury's open recruiting for christimas posts this week. My son at Uni who has really struggled to get any kind of part time job whilst doing his degree has finally got some Christmas temp work at curries ( warehouse) this week. Take anything you can for now. On UC even if one of you is working a few hours a week you will really benefit from the work allowance.

Are you eligible for maternity allowance at least? This is at least something and if you were employed when you found out you were pregnant you would often eligible for this even if not maternity pay? https://www.gov.uk/maternity-allowance/eligibility

Sure you will know if you are eligible, but just in case

Being the sole earner to a family is very stressful and a lot harder than a SAHP

If you or your partner have a driving license and over 21 lots of bus companies are willing to train up to PSV. I know it's shift work but it is steady employment. Also hospitality could be good up to and including New Year and lots of hotel functions are casual so you could fit it in when your partner is home.

Well that’s where we differ. I feel for the poor babies without a single working adult in the home, it’s a ticket to poverty. It’s very sad that you’d apparently accept that for your children.

OP if baby will take expressed BM then that’s what needs to happen so you can also apply for every job going and whichever one gets work first, the other does childcare and keeps looking.

It is more tricky if they won’t take a bottle, it will limit your options for work quite a bit. Husband will have to do literally any job for the next little while.

I’m sorry, severe financial instability is so incredibly stressful especially with a baby.

@Hellohelga 6 months- ? Luxury - when I had our son in 1998 it was13 weeks - he was literally with a childminder at 13 weeks ( Avery lovely Spanish mum too) I simply couldn’t afford not to work , we lived in London and my H wasn’t highly paid but in a skilled job - I want on mega money either - for several years I worked literally to bring home an extra£400 after childcare - UC top ups and all that were simply not as they are now

@Clonakilla "I feel for the poor babies without a single working adult in the home, it’s a ticket to poverty. It’s very sad that you’d apparently accept that for your children."

Somewhat dramatic. Temporary job loss whilst another is on maternity leave is hardly the "ticket to poverty". Christ. As it happens, my DH was made redundant a few weeks before I gave birth to my second child, so in our house there were indeed two non-working adults temporarily. No ticket to poverty for our children, because as responsible grown adults we have these things called savings and passive income🙄So no, I wouldn't accept that for my children, so keep your way-off assumptions about what I'd accept for my children to yourself!

My children will never experience poverty, even if my DH and I never worked again, because they are fortunate enough to have financially responsible parents who ensured before they were even conceived that we'd be able to afford to raise them, should the worst (financially speaking) happen.

What does your husband do, and in what part of the country? There might be someone on here that is currently recruiting.

https://uk.indeed.com/q-christmas-l-london-jobs.html

Which sector is he in because we might be know of available jobs or help with advice etc. Are you in London or down south?

there are things you can apply for. Are you in the UK? You will be able to both get universal credit, I’m guessing you’re on stat mat? You can also apply for the maternity grant, have a look at the help to save scheme for when you can do it (you can open the account while on UC), get a council tax reduction rate, you can get help with your mortgage (a loan) from the gov or if you’re renting you can get help with housing costs, also look up the healthy start vouchers and check in with your local council for other food help. You can also get on social tariff with your water supplier and check in with your gas and electric supplier. I’m starting a blog for mums in similar situations (moneywisemum.com). Feel free to talk to me if you want any more guidance x

There’s so many after school cleaning jobs you can do, also what’s his trade? What’s he good at? Can’t he set up a side hustle in the mean time? In these situations you really need to help yourself. The job market is horrendous right now so don’t reply solely on him getting interviews.

OP, I mean this kindly, but you also need to be actively looking for work and get a job- it’s both your problem to solve

im the breadwinner and went back 6 months post partum last time and was still breastfeeding- I was working 60 hour weeks some weeks, I’m a lawyer. Pumped in some interesting places, office, open plan, court, hotel rooms, we made it through. Husband was primary carer. If I was working from home I could feed from the breast around meetings.

it’s doable, even whilst EBF you just don’t seem to want to.

Your children need at least one parent (potentially both!) bringing some money in to provide for you as a family. Gone are the days of the man being provider

Have you taken the advance from UC op? How did you husband lose his job? There may be a sanction if it was his own fault, just to prepare you?
Also you don’t have to wait until baby is 9 months to claim for childcare, but you do both have to be working to claim it so bear that in mind.

While looking for work, you or your husband, should start looking into the welfare benefits you should be claiming. Its not easy. Good luck, something will turn up ❤️

I think it sounds too early for you to go back to work, so don't beat yourself up about that. Is you DH looking for jobs similar to the one he lost or is he casting the net wider and looking for anything to bring in some money in the short term? Have you looked into benefits? Good luck with it. It must feel terrifying x

You can apply for remote admin jobs, there's plenty of them around. It'll first in with breastfeeding feeding and your dh can care & bottle feed expressed milk the baby while you're working.

https://www.charityjob.co.uk/jobs?keywords=administrator&workplace=remote&maxsalary=40000

https://uk.indeed.com/m/jobs?q=remote%20admin&l=&radius=25&from=searchOnSerp&sameQ=1

So, OP, you HAVE A JOB. Go back sooner than you'd planned and DH can look after the baby, for now at least. That would be loads easier than finding evening or weekend work (which might not even be allowed depending on your contract of employment).