My husband lost his job and I’m finally saying it out loud

[Mamalolly]

Sorry if this ends up being long I just need to get it off my chest because I feel like I’m going to explode if I keep it in any longer.

My husband lost his job, and I’m finally admitting it out loud. We’ve got two kids one’s still a baby and I’m not working right now because I’m home with them. I’ve been trying so hard to stay calm and keep things normal for the kids, but inside I’m absolutely terrified.

Every day feels like I’m holding my breath. I can’t stop worrying about how we’re going to manage the rent, the bills, food, nappies, everything. It feels like there’s no breathing room, and every time I try to plan ahead, I just end up spiralling. I’ve been cutting back on everything I can, but it never feels like enough.

My husband’s been applying for jobs nonstop, but he hasn’t had any interviews yet. I can see how much it’s getting to him. He’s trying to stay positive, but I can tell he’s scared too. He keeps saying he feels like he’s letting us down, and it breaks my heart because he’s not he’s doing everything he can. The job market just feels impossible right now.

I feel guilty for not working, even though I know looking after a baby is basically a full-time job on its own. I keep thinking about trying to find something, but childcare is so expensive that it feels like we’d just end up worse off. It’s such a horrible catch-22.

I’m exhausted from trying to stay strong all the time. I smile and act like everything’s fine for the kids, but when they’re asleep, I just fall apart. The fear is unreal.

Still, somewhere deep down, I do believe we’ll get through this. We’ve faced hard times before, and somehow we’ve always found a way. I just wish it didn’t have to feel this heavy in the meantime.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this maybe just to finally say it out loud. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read.

Have you both looked at warehouse work? They often set in for Christmas.

Also put in for DHP from your local council - its a pot of money that is given to councils from the government every quarter to help fund people who have outgoings more than incomings. Which is your situation due to your high rent. (its not supposed to cover your rent but will obviously help cover the short fall)

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/claiming-discretionary-housing-payments/claiming-discretionary-housing-payments

look on your local council website for the form. Again the form is intrusive asking all your outgoings and incoming - fill it in comprehensively and show you have more going out than coming in and put you moved to the house when the rent was affordable, thus your shortfall.

https://www.gov.uk/apply-council-tax-reduction. also make sure you have put in for council tax reduction

My dh did early morning cleaning after being made redundant , not many people want this job

Or, some of us were sahm for years but had financial responsibility and made sure we could comfortably afford the lifestyle we had, so if something rocked the household income, we weren't broke in a few weeks and panicking about rent payments.

It's not a race to the bottom.

It's being a responsible adult, even more so when you have dependents. You need to stop living beyond your means because you want a certain appearance to others. A lot of the country live like it, then seem surprised and blame "the state of the country" when actually they just can't afford the lifestyle they want and can't accept that "but I want it and I deserve it" is juvenile and entitled. OP is genuinely claiming she can't work. Actually it's just that she doesn't want too. As if she's in the position to choose. But to OP, quite astonishingly the first plan of action in her mind is to carry on sitting at home. It's even the fault of the LHA that she can't get benefits to pay all of the rent in the area she can't afford.

You can't be a sahm without a home.

No, it's not only from 9mths. Please don't give people false information.

I agree with pps you need to look for work too
You might have to introduce some bottle feeding but needs must
At the very least it will take a bit of pressure off your DH

Can you ask employer for KIT days if you could do a half day maybe? Just to get some money in, I know not easy with exclusively bf

also, I’d try to get in with a food bank just so you can save what you can for rent etc.

If you have a local garden centre, have a look on their website for vacancies/seasonal jobs. They often take on extra staff around now for Christmas.

Ah, bless you @Mamalolly
I remember the stress, we have 2 dc and when I was pregnant with each of them dh was made redundant, with absolutely no clear warning signs. Yep, twice. First time wasn't so bad in that I was still working full time and had a good mat leave package but by the time the second one came round I was a SAHM so much more tricky. I took in ironing, tenner a basket iirc. Not much but did make a difference (was a long time ago now though so maybe not so helpful with increased COL). Easy enough to fit around dc.

Make sure you lean on each other, keep talking and don't let things fester.
We came through it and you will too.

If I were you, I would be applying immediately. I have friends with very skilled jobs that have been looking for over a year for a job! The baby can be bottled fed and taken care by your husband if needed. It might not be what you dreamed of but life happens. And it’s been everyone to be fed, have the rent paid etc rather than a just a baby breastfed. Childcare is expensive and if at some point your husband find a job, you can always resign and go back home.

Op has a job she's just not entitled to maternity pay.
Op you need to go back to work early, you are allowed to express breast milk by law in the workplace and they should accommodate it. Needs must unfortunately, your dh can look after the baby as he's unemployed.
It may not be what you want to hear but that's the situation you are in.

Do tell us where an area is with rents that are not beyond peoples means

our local housing allowance is £240.49 per week for a 3 bed

our local private rent for a 3 bed starts at £1300/1400

so people are having to find the £300-400 extra per month rent

You both need to be applying for jobs and the first one to get a job takes it. The remaining one does childcare until such a time a better opportunity comes up for either one of you. You cannot both do nothing.

Hopefully you claimed Maternity Allowance if you weren't entitled to SMP?

Presumably you have done a joint benefits claim now to see what help you can get while out of work.

I see that baby is only small, but I agree with PP that you both need to be looking for work at the moment . If you find wortk before him, you can always leave again when he gets a job.

Also, download the MSE budget planner to see how much you need to live each month, and cut out all non essentials. The baby only needs clothes as they grow out of them and presumably you have some from your first child that they can use even if different sexes.

Cut off all tv subscriptions, and anything that you just can't afford at the moment.

If you have a mortgage, see if you can get a mortgage payment break or switch to interest only for a while

I see that you're already claiming Universal Credit but that it only covers part of your rent because of the LHA. You should contact your local council and ask about applying for a Discretionary Housing Payment (DHP):
https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/benefits/discretionary_housing_payments_dhp
It's not guaranteed but it's worth a shot.

I assume you're already claiming Council Tax Reduction (CTR)? But if not you should claim that too.

To make sure you're claiming all the benefits and discounted tariffs you're entitled to, contact your local citizens advice:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/
They can also tell you about local food hubs, too, for free/cheap food, and baby banks in case you need nappies etc.

Hang on in there and best of luck to your husband in his job search, and to you too. Remember if you do need childcare you can get up to 85% of the costs covered by UC.

My goodness, you mean it's not all free and you and your partner have to make up to £75 a week contribution between two adults towards your own 3 bedroom housing. And you're actually complaining that your deal isn't good enough. Much like OP just can't possibly contemplate getting a job. You somewhat prove my point.

OP can't even cover half her rent with benefits.

This is a great suggestion! Don't want to hijack the thread but I might do it too. I am a professional who works part time. I'm finding that it isn't bringing me enough income so I think I might start looking around for evening work.

Sorry to hear about your circumstances, I feel for you. Can you go back to work earlier than you were planning if you are on maternity leave? You also have the option of KIT days up to 10 during maternity leave which are paid at full wages.
there are also online jobs which are like an online call centre you might be able to do something like that.
it’s hard when you are exclusively breastfeeding- that is important too and try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
with Christmas round the corner don’t forget that your kids will remember the love at Christmas more than the presents ❤️❤️

I was made redundant last month.
I am a lone parent. It's all on me.
I am hoping to find work in my field, but if I don't I will have to take whatever I can get to support my family and home.
I am mostly OK, but in the middle of the night, how our life might look like in a year leaves me very scared.

I’ve been in this position with a new baby. I think you’ll have to apply for jobs too. Can your husband look after the children while you work?

Interesting that you didn't answer the question - totally ignored the question

I take it you don't have the answer and can't find it, so instead write a lot of nonsense

You can apply to the council for a discretionary housing payment to help with the shortfall in rent - this is short term help and down to how much money is in the pot. Make sure you have applied directly to the council for help with council tax. Regarding groceries - do you have a social community shop in your local area? They sell donated from supermarkets food - our local one is open to all.

It is tough out there employment wise - use the jobcentre to get an up to date CV. Ensure that both of you are tailoring cv to jobs you are applying for - include a cover letter. Ensure that you are looking at all recruitment sites and agencies. Approach local recruitment agencies and register.

My partner lost his job earlier this year. He attended interviews and even looked at relocating for work (that job never even bothered to email him saying he didn’t get it).

He found something after 6 weeks and is a lot happier. He never even told his parents until he got a new job.

He didn’t apply through an opening, jos friend told him to call a company director and he met for coffee and they found something for him to do. Many jobs are like this. They don’t advertise.

It was a very strange feeling. I didn’t tell anyone at all.

I did worry because mentally he can’t stay home for long periods of time. He gets angry and needs to be doing things.

My cousins husband has been unemployed for months. I think when you get to the high salary positions there are fewer jobs and the recruitment process takes a while.

It actually happens a lot. I’ve heard that Gen Z are less loyal to an employer because they saw their parents going through periods of unemployment- not due to performance or a genuine downturn - but during record profits because companies wanted to make even more money than they were making.

No, far from it.

You're claiming that if you have to pay a penny towards your own rent, it's "unaffordable"

Just £75 a week between two adults to live in a 3 bed house is outrageous. To you.

Sorry if you had trouble understanding that.

Well done for posting here OP writing thoughts, either here on a scrap of paper helps to stop it running around in your head.

Have you talked with DH about budgeting? I know that’s stressful but if you both know exactly what’s available etc it will be better.

When my DH lost his job, in the 90’s, he went to a job in Venezuela 🇻🇪, that was extreme and I’m not recommending that.