My husband lost his job and I’m finally saying it out loud

[Mamalolly]

Sorry if this ends up being long I just need to get it off my chest because I feel like I’m going to explode if I keep it in any longer.

My husband lost his job, and I’m finally admitting it out loud. We’ve got two kids one’s still a baby and I’m not working right now because I’m home with them. I’ve been trying so hard to stay calm and keep things normal for the kids, but inside I’m absolutely terrified.

Every day feels like I’m holding my breath. I can’t stop worrying about how we’re going to manage the rent, the bills, food, nappies, everything. It feels like there’s no breathing room, and every time I try to plan ahead, I just end up spiralling. I’ve been cutting back on everything I can, but it never feels like enough.

My husband’s been applying for jobs nonstop, but he hasn’t had any interviews yet. I can see how much it’s getting to him. He’s trying to stay positive, but I can tell he’s scared too. He keeps saying he feels like he’s letting us down, and it breaks my heart because he’s not he’s doing everything he can. The job market just feels impossible right now.

I feel guilty for not working, even though I know looking after a baby is basically a full-time job on its own. I keep thinking about trying to find something, but childcare is so expensive that it feels like we’d just end up worse off. It’s such a horrible catch-22.

I’m exhausted from trying to stay strong all the time. I smile and act like everything’s fine for the kids, but when they’re asleep, I just fall apart. The fear is unreal.

Still, somewhere deep down, I do believe we’ll get through this. We’ve faced hard times before, and somehow we’ve always found a way. I just wish it didn’t have to feel this heavy in the meantime.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this maybe just to finally say it out loud. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read.

Whose going to pay for the food she needs to eat whilst breastfeeding if he can't find one?

A couple of suggestions. Schools are crying out for staff. You could both sign up with agencies as cover supervisors.

The other is to get a cab driving licence. You could both do that and work around breast feeding and children.

One of my friends has done it, she has some regular jobs and just picks and chooses other work.

You can ask your local council for help to make up the difference in rent.
Both of you could sign up with a temp agency, even if a job is for a month or two it's still money coming in and experience and the company might take you on or you might find a job you prefer to do.
Royal Mail are apparently employing 2,000 workers for the Christmas period, you could ask them.
Also uber driver and/or uber eats are worth a try.
Good luck. 🍀

Could he do agency work or sign up as an associate with a consultancy?

You can ask your local council for help to make up the difference in rent.

Really? Genuine question as never been on any benefits. I feel like a right mug saving 6 months living expenses.

Yes. OP - look up Discretionary Housing Payment (DHP). Councils have a limited pot of DHP that they use to help families pay rent in times of temporary hardship.

Apply for DHP and explain your full situation including young baby, job loss and ongoing efforts to find work. They might well award it short term and then review it. It may not be the full rent but it would be a big help.

Do you rent or have a mortgage? I would guess mortgage. In which case benefits wouldn't cover it.

In any case, it's always sensible to have savings if you can afford it. Many people really struggle to save on low incomes with the cost of living.

I'm mortgaged. Guess so, I’m aware I’m fortunate. But I’ve needed it once or twice due to employment gaps, so it does focus the mind that without it we were one pay cheque or two from collapse.

Some help that not everyone knows about. Search your local councils website for 'disretionary housing payment'. You will need to have applied for UC with housing element before you apply but the sooner you get this in they can backdate to the date of application. Depending on your level of savings they may be able to help with the rent shortfall for a short period while you get on your feet and have some income coming in. Also talk to council tax as you may be able to get council tax support until he's back in work. This will at least reduce your outgoings for the time being.

Discretionary housing payments are not guaranteed and are usually a short term fix. They will scrutinize every penny of your incomings and outgoings and often refuse. I would not rely on them being awarded. Every time I have tried to apply for my clients ( benefits advice) it has been turned down .

go get a job

Yes - there are some funds available with some councils to help a little even with mortgage payments to prevent homeless. But the same as all funds, they are means tested.

UC will actually help with mortgage payments too but it’s a loan you have to pay back and depends on your earnings in the 9 months before I’m sure. It is better than nothing though.

Yes - an SMI loan. Not ideal but better than nothing.

DHP's are very, very rare. I know people who have applied and got nothing.

Councils are totally cash strapped, they offer HB for rent and anything extra you have to cover.

They don't tend to pay more that is why they have a "cap" otherwise they'd be paying unlimited rental amounts.

Ask your landlord for a breather if you can...that may be an option.

It is risky to be paying a high rent when you have only one earner...you need to work too to give you some leeway.

Both of you apply for everything.

Her baby is just a few months old. She should not be looking for work and certainly should not be doing bar work!! She’d be absolutely drained to her bones. A new born and their mother need each other and should not be separated in that way.
OP, I’m sorry. This sounds hard. Your husband will find and job and you WILL get through this. Please don’t put pressure on yourself to get a job.

You and some others here are being naive.

OP and her husband have no savings and are privately renting, which means that their landlord can turf them all out with two months' notice because they feel like it. OP and her husband should both be looking for work because they have to keep a roof over their heads for them and their child. Like I said yesterday, it could be next year before he finds a job in this current climate. It doesn't bode well that he's not getting interviews. So it's daft to only rely on him bringing money into the household, in this particular situation.

Lots of mothers go back at the end of statutory maternity leave. I was in a similar position after having twins and had to go back when they were 16 weeks old. She should be looking for work alongside her husband rather than relying on the state to support 2 perfectly able adults ….

I work in HR and have unfortunately put hundreds of people at risk in my career. In the majority of cases it works out well for the employees but realise as of now it’s a tough job market

a few suggestions

• Update CV for every application (chat gpt can help)
• be on linked in many times a day and network
• i would also look for a job yourself but tell the employer you can’t start until x date due to your baby.
• look for Christmas roles as an interim. Royal Mail, amazon, supermarkets all need extra people
• does he receive statutory or enhanced redundancy pay? This may make a difference to your timeline to worry

Mamalolly I had the near exact situation last year. My husband was made redundant suddenly whilst I was on maternity leave, my son was 4 months old and exclusively breastfed and my eldest was not yet in school.
I know how terrifying it is but promise you will come out of it!
One little bit of advice, ask your hubby to check the formatting of his CV - a lot of companies use AI to scan in the first round and if it’s fancy formatting they often can’t read them. Mine applied for hundreds of jobs with next to no response - changed cv back to standard word / pdf format and 3 interviews within a week.
Hang in there, it’s rubbish, you’ve got this!

Depending on your skill set and work history, I'd apply for stuff too and first one to get a job takes it. My husband was made redundant when I was on mat leave, I got a job first so he was at home with the kids until we were ready to swap and he had a good job to go to. It meant I did a year full time whilst he did childcare. It strengthened his bond with the kids, gave me some freedom after 4 years at home and then when he got offered a dream job on a much higher salary than mine, I dropped my hours and eventually resigned to run a small business at home.
It's really tough but you need to be a team and each look at opportunities, if you get one he needs to pick up childcare and house stuff.

I agree with this actually. OP was employed when pregnant - would be a good idea to call your employer and ask if you could return early. Might be complicated if they employed a mat leave cover, but that isn’t always the case and definitely worth asking. My employer would typically be delighted if someone wanted to come back early.

You do realize that 12 weeks maternity leave is pretty standard in the USA ? Whilst not ideal that women should have to work with a small baby it is pretty standard for many countries. I have four kids and only took 12 months mat leave with one of them. The others I went back when they were 4, 5 and 6 months old. out of necessity. They were in nursery for very few hours as me and dh always worked around each other.

Op??? Still around??