My husband lost his job and I’m finally saying it out loud

[Mamalolly]

Sorry if this ends up being long I just need to get it off my chest because I feel like I’m going to explode if I keep it in any longer.

My husband lost his job, and I’m finally admitting it out loud. We’ve got two kids one’s still a baby and I’m not working right now because I’m home with them. I’ve been trying so hard to stay calm and keep things normal for the kids, but inside I’m absolutely terrified.

Every day feels like I’m holding my breath. I can’t stop worrying about how we’re going to manage the rent, the bills, food, nappies, everything. It feels like there’s no breathing room, and every time I try to plan ahead, I just end up spiralling. I’ve been cutting back on everything I can, but it never feels like enough.

My husband’s been applying for jobs nonstop, but he hasn’t had any interviews yet. I can see how much it’s getting to him. He’s trying to stay positive, but I can tell he’s scared too. He keeps saying he feels like he’s letting us down, and it breaks my heart because he’s not he’s doing everything he can. The job market just feels impossible right now.

I feel guilty for not working, even though I know looking after a baby is basically a full-time job on its own. I keep thinking about trying to find something, but childcare is so expensive that it feels like we’d just end up worse off. It’s such a horrible catch-22.

I’m exhausted from trying to stay strong all the time. I smile and act like everything’s fine for the kids, but when they’re asleep, I just fall apart. The fear is unreal.

Still, somewhere deep down, I do believe we’ll get through this. We’ve faced hard times before, and somehow we’ve always found a way. I just wish it didn’t have to feel this heavy in the meantime.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this maybe just to finally say it out loud. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read.

Not read the full thread so don't know if this has been mentioned but if his field is office based could he sign up with a temp agency?

OP - my DH has not had a stable career for a while now, he's done contracts, but he's also had some perm roles that haven't worked out as well. At first I was veyr stressed and worried but I've learned that we manage and also that a lot of people are in the same position - jobs are generally less stable than they were, even 'white collar' ones like my husband's field. Employers chop and change easily and there's no shame in losing jobs now, so many people go through it at all levels. I've been made redundant twice myself, and been under redundancy process another time but kept my job, and been fairly lucky that it's only that much

It's probably a good idea to maybe look for some evening/night work. It doesn't have to be long-term, and with Christmas coming up, loads of places take on additional seasonal staff.
I often see adverts for supermarkets, the post office and a few of the big warehouses near me. There's 2 big Amazon depots near me who always want staff. I don't know what it says about them as an employer, but it would do in a short-term pinch.

M&S are currently recruiting Xmas staff @Mamalolly

You’d get the free nursery hours which is 22.5 hours a week split across the year - so you could do two days a week. Xxx

Yeah another vote here for the discretionary top up on housing benefit…it isn’t a forever benefit but could seriously help out.

OP I have just read your thread and I want to send you positivity.
My daughter could have written this post 2 days ago ,word for word .
Yesterday, yes weirdly Ona Saturday morning my SIL got the call from HR where he had his last interview and has been told he will be formerly offered the job on Monday.
The strain of staying upbeat to support partner and juggle small children was completely destroying my daughter and her anxiety was going through the roof and as a Mum I was feeling so sad about the whole situation.
Please talk to friends and family about how you feel ,because you need support as well ❤️
There will be a light at the end of the tunnel and it will light up when you least expect it 🙏Xx

This made me look at the edited post. Bit fishy to use ai to respond to posts.

Get your husband to contact a recruitment agency. Big company’s sometimes go straight to them to advertise for jobs available. Anything you absolutely cannot pay contact the company as soon as possible, they nearly always will come up with a plan. Don’t agree to a payment plan that you cannot manage. Be upfront and say I’m sorry I cannot afford that. Your family must have a roof over their heads, food heat and clothing anything else can wait. There is no shame in falling on hard times. You will get through this. Good luck.

The tone deaf privilege of this post 😂 ‘passive income’ 😂 you have clearly been lucky financially and able to make luxury choices not afforded to most. I’ll bet you’re over 45yo minimum and benefitted from low house prices and wages more in line with inflation. Meanwhile this young mother is on her uppers with no spare cash for savings and you’re there crowing about good decisions and breast milk being essential. Get in the real world.

Sounds really stressful OP. Some good suggestions from PPs. I would say, to calm your anxieties a bit, would it help to make a bit of a plan or contingency for the absolute worst case scenario? Then at least it feels like you will know what your options are if it takes longer than expected, or if you do get into money troubles.
For example, can you speak to your landlord about a payment plan if you get behind with rent?
Do you have access to credit at all to tide you over for a little bit, for example if he gets a job but is still.waiting for his first pay check?
Would you be able to stay with family at all?
Can you access any local food banks?
If you did work, would you be entitled to any of your childcare costs being covered? I know in some cases if you're claiming benefits you can get up to 85% of your childcare costs back (I'm sure I've seen this somewhere but please correct me if I'm wrong?)
Is there anything you can sell for example on Vinted or eBay for a little bit of extra cash here and there?
Can you look at home start up side hustles that you can do from home, potentially on evenings? I know there's a few Facebook groups on that.

Wishing you all the best OP - I often write down my worries and then I can tackle any of the ones I can have some control over, the actively decide not to worry about the ones I can't control xxx

OP, it's a horrible situation but remember that since you have a small baby and your husband is seriously looking for work, your little family will qualify for benefits which it will be possible to live on at a basic level. There are also food banks and other help available from voluntary groups who are there for these situations. Hope DH finds something soon.

I have been there and understand the fear. We were not entitled to any benefits, I was absolutely terrified that our house would be repossessed. All I can say is it did get better (slowly) hang on in.
The economic climate means you will not necessarily get work in your chosen field. There is generally quite a lot of warehouse work and there will be more with , Black Friday, Christmas and new year sales.

I’m not sure it’s been suggested but could you consider childminding as you could be at home with the baby? I think sometimes it’s worth thinking outside the box in these situations. Could dh retrain and work around it? I have a friend whose dh is training to be a plumber at weekends.

Has your husband got transferable skills, could he try the Civil service?
Sorry if I missed it but what sort of work does your husband do?

It sounds like you're both doing what you can do I'm not going to add to the pressure of endless suggestions except to say - as hard as it is, and as much anxiety as I've no doubt you're experiencing, I hope you're managing to enjoy some family time. My daughter's dad lost his job when she was about two months old and as hard as it was, in hindsight it was the basis for the strong bond they have now. He stared taking her to the swimming pool regularly in that time (it was cheap and free for under 5s) and it's still a thing they do together regularly.

Sure Start maternity grant.
Healthy Start vouchers.

A few ideas....regarding jobs, can your husband sign up with temping agencies as well...even temporary things like warehouse work can help making ends meet.
Sign up to the Olio app where you can either collect food from volunteers in your area or collect and redistribute yourself keeping a certain percentage of food collected from shops (to stop food going to waste).
Too good to go is another good app where you save food going to waste.
Lastly have a look on the £10 a day thread on here...you can do surveys for example and get either money or supermarket vouchers.

Our local post office Depot takes on extra workers in the run up to Xmas, could be an idea?

This is so tough Op.

Firstly can you ask your husband to try doing some evening work or driving work or something menial just to make some money for the interim. And then he can spend the days going to interviews for permanent jobs etc.

Maybe speak with your mortgage provider to see if you can have a short mortgage holiday until you get back on your feet.

Cleaning- 99,9% ,good cleaners earn about £20/h and you can keep up with breastfeeding. This is what I did when my first born was 6 months old, we needed money. I used to breastfeed, then go to clean one house/flat, coming back for breastfeeding and leaving again.
Lots of mothers would like to stay with their kids, breastfeed, etc. - however, sometimes you can need to adjust with situation and reality.

evening work light be an option for you but if your baby is young and you are breastfeeding, make sure you don’t overdo it. While your DH looks for a job in his field, he should do any job in the meantime. Supermarket, warehouse, bar work, retail.

Amazon delivery driver?

Why keep everything inside go and tell you DH how you are feeling. Get him to join a recruitment agency and start taking on temp work.