How to reassure my wife about my friendship.

[BobbityBib]

Being very honest here so please don’t shoot me down. I don’t know what to do for the best. Recently things between me and my wife have been very difficult. I love and care for her very much. She’s a lovely person, my best friend and we have been happy until over the last year. Our kids have moved out and have their own lives now.
But - my wife has become very jealous of a new friend (who is a woman). Jealousy hasn’t been a thing in our relationship before and I don’t recognise her sometimes. She’s quiet and moody and gets irrationally upset when I see my friend socially or she hears me chatting to her on the phone.
Me and my friend have a good time together and I can talk to her about most things but it stays in the friendship zone. I’m not unfaithful and I wouldn’t be. I don’t know what to do as we work together everyday so there’s no possibility of this situation changing. It took me a long time to get this job and we aren’t very financially secure so I’m not able to change jobs, nor should I.
Of course I want my wife to be happy again but if I’m being truthful, my friend is very dear to me and she is part of my life now too. Has anyone found a solution to this? How do I reassure my wife?

Yh I wouldn't be threatened by some new friend. If they get along if prob get along with him aswell. I trust her with all my heart. A lot of people on here have chosen bad partners by the sounds of it. I feel sorry for you.

OP hasnt said he spends all his time talking and texting her. He just says he does. Its annoying I get it. I feelnlike she has handled this wrong from the get go

‘Handled it wrong from the get go?’

How come? Genuinely curious.

I completely trust my partner not to cheat too but I am also fully aware of how being in close proximity to people of the opposite sex increases the likelihood of feelings developing. This has literally been shown in research. No one is immune to that, not even you my friend.
Most of us chose to live in the real
world and have reasonable boundaries with our partners. And there’s nothing wrong with that, or the way OPs wife has reacted.

Dude, you’re not on to a winner here.

The conversations with a long term partner are frequently different to those with friends - less fun, more to do with caring for children or managing life admin.

I don’t think your wife is going to get over the fact that that she has all the boring conversations with you and your new friend (who conveniently sits within your target gender for sexual preference), gets to have lots of fun conversations with you.

But is there a line? Do you have a line? At what point might you envisage yourself feeling uncomfortable? Or maybe part of having a trusting heart is not having a line.

Some people lack the imagination to either understand the pain of others or to imagine it even in themselves.
They can lack empathy for those who have exoerienced it and it would follow they would lack the empathy for those who they could do this to.

He also lacks the imagination to place himself in this situation.

It's little to do with how well he/she would cope, they imagine it's impossible.
It's not.

He did say earlier he felt sorry for the op, but what for I don't know because he believes op's husband has done no wrong.

I would say a life partner with no boundaries, a lack of imagination,a lack of concience and an innability to feel empathy is quite an unsafe partner.