How to reassure my wife about my friendship.

[BobbityBib]

Being very honest here so please don’t shoot me down. I don’t know what to do for the best. Recently things between me and my wife have been very difficult. I love and care for her very much. She’s a lovely person, my best friend and we have been happy until over the last year. Our kids have moved out and have their own lives now.
But - my wife has become very jealous of a new friend (who is a woman). Jealousy hasn’t been a thing in our relationship before and I don’t recognise her sometimes. She’s quiet and moody and gets irrationally upset when I see my friend socially or she hears me chatting to her on the phone.
Me and my friend have a good time together and I can talk to her about most things but it stays in the friendship zone. I’m not unfaithful and I wouldn’t be. I don’t know what to do as we work together everyday so there’s no possibility of this situation changing. It took me a long time to get this job and we aren’t very financially secure so I’m not able to change jobs, nor should I.
Of course I want my wife to be happy again but if I’m being truthful, my friend is very dear to me and she is part of my life now too. Has anyone found a solution to this? How do I reassure my wife?

"Of course I want my wife to be happy again but if I’m being truthful, my friend is very dear to me and she is part of my life now too."

Said every man who is emotionally enmeshed with a woman friend, ever.

None of my colleagues or work friends have ever become so dear that I would put their feelings above my husband's. If you've become so attached that you don't want to give up your friend, take a harder look at the relationship. Is she becoming the person you confide in? Do you go with her for lunch or breaks, just you two? Meet up or take walks? Things can get out-of-hand so easily. People end up getting attached in ways they didn't expect. Partners can be hurt, and marriages break down.

When you married, you took vows to love, honor, and cherish your wife. You promised to put her first; to forsake all others. Can you not see that you're putting this woman in the place where your life partner should be? Giving her time and energy that you should be spending on your wife? Oh, and do you exchange gifts with your friend?

Faithfulness means more than having no physical relationship. Are you emotionally faithful, too, or have you put your friend in the middle of your marriage?

If you love your wife, don't cultivate friendships where you become so attached to other women that you make them part of your life!

It really is that simple.

So you barely socialise just the 2 of you but she is dear to you and part of your life. Oh my goodness thats just ridiculous. No wonder your wife is jealous you are heading into affair territory and you are happily going along for the ride.
If they are a work friend, you see each other at work, talk about crap and work, she doesnt become part of your life and dear to you. You can not expect your wife to support you falling in love with someone else you fool.

MN is not 'anti-romance'. MN is anti married men who fawn and gush over the connection they think they have with a younger woman while treating their wives with cold contempt.

I love romance, as it happens, but the way you talk about your wife repulses me. I hope that she too finds a man who makes her 'ache' and much more than that, and I hope that you throw the mother of all 'tantrums' about it, you silly little fool.

HTH.

Where have you gone OP?

I might be wrong but this thread reads like ‘I want to gaslight my wife into believing she’s irrationally insecure over my borderline emotional affair with a woman decades my junior who I’ll probably end up shagging after a drunk work night out and blame the wife for pushing me away with her jealousy’

Indeed

I don’t think OP liked the answers so am assuming he’s not coming back.
Thinking of his wife in all this.

The very last time we met she was wearing light blue denim dungarees with one strap undone to show the side of a white T shirt. Not practical but fashionable and eye-catching. Slim, shoulder length blonde hair, and blue eyes and dimples. I think I am entitled to a bit of an ache over what might have been in a past life, don't you agree?

Did Creepy Bob come back to try to make more excuses? I guess his plan to get a bunch of women to help him gaslight his wife didn't quite pay off then.

I do hope this is a woman winding us up because if this is a man he is a pathetic, vomit inducing old creep.

Almost certainly typing with one hand….

If it is a he is absolutely sick making. I feel a bit nauseous having read that. Hope his wife left the manky old creep.

Arrgghhh, no....😥I fear you are right though.

I was 45, wife 38, "friend" if you want that name, was 35. The big problem was, she looked fabulous. No one can help their looks. If we all looked like puddings with raisons for eyes there would be no affairs but also no romance.
No more posts from me as I'm not clicking with anyone here.

Was she Charlene from Neighbours?

You said earlier that she was 15 years younger than you, and 10 younger than your wife 🤔

Please never talk at me again, you are giving me the absolute creeps you are completely and totally revolting.

Probably just some woman doing a wind up. One can but hope.

Did you honestly expect to 'click' with anyone on here, you ridiculous old fool?

Here we go.
At least try and keep your story straight.

Lol, yep, complete with that one smear of dirt on her cheek :)

Mansplaining fantasising wanker. Literally.

OP: this is you, this is. Cop on before it's too late.

Clicking with anyone - it’s not Tinder ffs.

Get yourself over to Pornhub of Onlyfans. I’m sure you’ll find someone you click with there - as long as you’ve got your credit card ready

Probably wasn’t anticipating his thread to be hijacked by a creepy porn addled old fantasist using it as his personal wank fodder.

Grim as fuck 🤮

So if you're at work with your friend, and at home you're on the phone to her and outside of that you're meeting up with her, when exactly do you spend quality time with your wife?

Kids have flown the nest, it's time for you to perhaps rekindle the closeness in your relationship and it sounds like you've given that opportunity to someone else.