DH said not to eat yogurt as it was just for DD15

[ForeverDelayedEpiphany]

Food order is coming this evening. Dh is usually one who does them.

We're out of yogurt so I ate a spoonful of natural Greek style yogurt that was left over which my DD prefers - i usually eat the Greek yogurt that is thicker and "real".

I haven't had much to eat today and literally just wanted a spoonful for my lunch with a nectarine, but as soon as I was putting it in the bowl, my DH says I needed to stop eating the yogurt as it was left for my DD and she said that she'd have enough, so he hadn't ordered any extra.

I've eaten the yogurt now but feel crappy and guilty. I know it's not a serious thing or the end of the world, but I do feel like sometimes he is a bit controlling at times. He often criticises the way I do chores like washing up or hanging up washing if I haven't done it in the same way he would - he says he's had years of doing it so his way works best - and as I dont hang clothes on the clothes horse in such a way that doesn't crease them, my way isn't the best.😳

Anyway, just a bit of a moan. I sometimes feel bad but I think i might have undiagnosed ADHD so have a little part of the being oversensitive side possibly.

Sounds like a reverse this.

I don’t know about your ADHD but I’m pretty sure your DH is a git.

It's pretty normal for some items of food to be 'reserved' for certain people, but he sounds very irritating overall.

No, it isnt. I promise.

No idea if / how ADHD makes people more sensitive however you are not being over-sensitive in the slightest.

The yoghurt thing is all a bit daft - if DH tried to tell me what I could and couldn't eat (given that we both pay for food) I would tell him to get stuffed.

With regard to him criticising how you do things, can't you just tell him he's your partner not your boss and you will do things how you see fit, since you are an adult.

Presumably a shop is open and you could buy more.
To the not doing it right....okay as I can't do it properly it's now your job. ....he's an arse.

Yes, i do assert myself but get told the same thing still. I think he is quite OCD in his ways so likes things to be done is a particular way.

Yoghurt is one of those things that’s a staple so shouldn’t be reserved. Why didn’t he order more?
Sounds really controlling.

He sounds irritating but I can understand the leaving the yoghurt for your DD. If there is a couple of something left and I know I don’t have time to get some more, I often say this too. For example: croissants as if we’re running late in the morning DC can have them for breakfast in the car as a get an and go instead of having to make toast or be even later by having cereal. Smooth orange juice is another one as one of my children will only have smooth orange juice not any other offerings from the fridge.

If his food ordering system is so infallible, how did you run out of ‘your’ yogurt?

Because I ate all of my yogurt i asked for so the one left was for my DD. If id eaten mine then I shouldn't eat hers as there might only be that left, as he isn't ordering more for her.

Maybe i ate too much 😕

I dunno. It sounds a bit silly now I have written it down. I need to get over it 😅

So you're self-diagnosed ADHD, and your husband is self-diagnosed OCD. Maybe you're just having a bit of an argument? Go out and buy some more yoghurt for your DD, or get the type you like so you don't need to eat the type she likes.

Just buy more yogurt. This isn’t a big issue. You making it one isn’t because of undiagnosed ADHD and even if it were it wouldn’t change anything so please stop with that.

As for hanging up clothes so they don’t crease unnecessarily: why is that controlling? Surely hanging them up so that they don’t require ironing is better than hanging them up such that they do - just hang them up so that they don’t. Or do the ironing. Pick one. It’s not controlling to suggest the option that requires the least amount of drudging housework.

I think this is part of a much bigger picture. You dh sounds controlling and a bit of a jerk. Is he much older than you as he seems to be treating you like another child.

Yes, i know. It's a bit of an overreaction on my part. It just gets a little annoying as he likes to pick holes in how I do things.

Tell him to piss off and that if needs be you’ll go and buy more bloody yoghurt when needed.

Also a spoon of yoghurt and a nectarine is not enough food for lunch. Do you often restrict your eating due to his control?

He is 11 years older, yes.

I'm actually trying to lose a bit of perimenopausal weight so I don't usually restrict myself. I actually love my food 😋

I agree it's not that controlling but he is quite a perfectionist whereas I am more laid back, so occasionally we clash a bit.

Tell him to piss off.

Why are you only having a spoonful of yogurt and a nectarine for your lunch though?

So when my son was about 18 months old, my husband once tried this on me (knackered, unwashed, starving) and I said to him:
Well darling, unlike everyone else in this house I haven’t had anything to eat today, and if I don’t eat, I’m gonna pass out, and if I pass out, you’re gonna have to do all the childcare, so BACK THE F* OFF.
I shouted the last bit. He’s never mentioned anything like that since.

Try that.

We dont have a lot of food left in the house until our food delivery tonight so i am eating whatever is there.

If you know a particular food item is earmarked for a particular future use, as an adult you should know better than to use it without replacing it.

We have had to each our teenager to be a good housemate and I think this situation is similar. It’s frustrating when you go to bed thinking you have milk or bread for the morning and your teenager finishes them off. So you teach your teenager that those are staples and that they can’t use up shockingly large quantities late at night. Equally, you don’t eat the yogurt your teenager is planning to have for a particular meal or snack unless you are going to get to the shop and replace it before the intended consumption time.