DH said not to eat yogurt as it was just for DD15

[ForeverDelayedEpiphany]

Food order is coming this evening. Dh is usually one who does them.

We're out of yogurt so I ate a spoonful of natural Greek style yogurt that was left over which my DD prefers - i usually eat the Greek yogurt that is thicker and "real".

I haven't had much to eat today and literally just wanted a spoonful for my lunch with a nectarine, but as soon as I was putting it in the bowl, my DH says I needed to stop eating the yogurt as it was left for my DD and she said that she'd have enough, so he hadn't ordered any extra.

I've eaten the yogurt now but feel crappy and guilty. I know it's not a serious thing or the end of the world, but I do feel like sometimes he is a bit controlling at times. He often criticises the way I do chores like washing up or hanging up washing if I haven't done it in the same way he would - he says he's had years of doing it so his way works best - and as I dont hang clothes on the clothes horse in such a way that doesn't crease them, my way isn't the best.😳

Anyway, just a bit of a moan. I sometimes feel bad but I think i might have undiagnosed ADHD so have a little part of the being oversensitive side possibly.

Is the logic that because some female posters micromanage, OP isn't allowed yogurt?

That's a stretch.

If you are posting on Mumsnet about being made to feel bad over a spoonful of yoghurt, then I would wager that there is an awful lot more to all of this in real life.

This is not about being on a tight budget. This is about not being treated as an equal adult in your own home.

Exactly 💯 this. I've felt like this for a long time but it's not really going to change 😕

DH had a bitch at lunchtime because a few weeks ago I'd eaten two baps out of a packet of four. There's only the two of us. So when he bought baps again I didn't touch them. He moaned three had been eaten. Yep I agreed, you've eaten them. 🙄

He scoffs three times what I do, moans that I don't clear my plate so I must be eating everything when he's gone to bed.

He's a bit touchy because last night son had a go at his big belly. I had to bite my lip hard 😂😂

I’m so confused.

is it from a large yoghurt pot? Or was it a small individual yoghurt?

why isn’t he ordering more? Surely it will go off if it isn’t eaten?

why can’t you just go and buy more yoghurt?

It is a large one for a family.

I guess i felt it's easier to have a spoonful of one in the fridge.

It’s not a big deal - you ate the yoghurt you like, you know the other yoghurt is the one DD likes. You know your DH has ordered more of your yoghurt.

You probably didn’t know that he had a discussion with DD where they agreed that since she had that yoghurt left, she didn’t need any more of her yoghurt to be ordered.

Therefore he told you this, and asks you not to eat it for that reason. I would have asked you not to as well.

You are it anyway though! (Yes I know, only a spoonful, but you could have just put it back and not eaten it).

If it’s a large one for a family why isn’t everyone in the family
allowed to eat it?

are things that tight that you can’t afford £1 for a yoghurt?

Have you ever had an eating disorder OP? I ask because I had a bit of an eating disorder in the past and I often feel shame/upset/sensitive when anyone points out something I have eaten or shouldn't have eaten or how much of it I ate, or that they were going to eat that etc.
If my DH had told me to stop eating the yogurt I probably would have felt shame and embarrassment that I had eaten it and it would have made me think I was greedy even though I know realistically and logically know its not a big deal as it's a bit of yogurt, but my feelings would have been affected by it for reasons out of my control

Occasionally they are.

I had a terrible time after my youngest daughter was born and the post natal depression gave me issues with food for a while.

Are they right now?

I mean we all have our preferences & generally I would leave stuff alone that others prefer.

However if there was so little food that it was that or nothing & something that is cheap to get more of...

We're ok at the moment but sometimes it is tight.

I'm with your husband. I'd be annoyed if someone used up my oat milk that they never usually use when I'd made sure I had enough to last until the next shop. Are you unable to go shopping yourself and get more of your yoghurt or buy your daughter more when you have used hers?

So he was annoyed that you'd eaten all your yoghurt and were then starting on your dd's yoghurt? I'd be annoyed too if DH did that, especially if money was tight and dd wasn't going to have enough because he'd been eating it. That's just really selfish IMO.

I'd also be annoyed if DH hung up all the washing in such a way that I then had to iron it afterwards when i wouldn't normally. If he's going to iron it afterwards though then he can hang it any way he likes!

I don't know what he was moaning about the washing up though so I don't know if it was reasonable or not - although I hate it when DH doesn't rinse the soap off the dishes, I don't want to be eating that.

RSD is common with ADHD, maybe that's why this has upset you so much?

Well, i didn't eat it up. There's half a large pot left!

I really sympathise ForeverDelayedEpiphany.
Rejection Sensitive Disphoria, severe physical and emotional pain suffered by people with ADD when they encounter real or perceived rejection, criticism, or teasing.
I can get this too, it’s criticism that sometimes made me feel suicidal, but now I know what it is I can sort of ‘control’ it.
If it were me, I’d prob just leave DH to do those jobs he likes done the way he always has… tho he wouldn’t be allowed to fold my knickers! 😆
Hope you feel better soon.

The thing is, I dont hang it up too badly. He hardly ever irons so it's kind of a moot point in a way.

The washing up is rearranged on the drying rack to help it dry better - as my way isnt optimal to help it dry. 😳

Yeah my dh criticises my clothes hanging also, when he hangs them they barely need ironed 😮 why is this?

No that's not the logic but it isn't particularly unusual for whoever is "in charge" of ordering the household food to get a bit uppity if someone scoffs something destined for another purpose (particularly if it was for a child). Especially as food is so bloody expensive now and time is always so limited.

Well then he can do the laundry…

Yes, i think I probably have RSD. I've been called oversensitive a lot and my dad told me on the odd occasion that I would probably enjoy life more if I didn't take it so seriously 😆

Thank you 😊