DH said not to eat yogurt as it was just for DD15

[ForeverDelayedEpiphany]

Food order is coming this evening. Dh is usually one who does them.

We're out of yogurt so I ate a spoonful of natural Greek style yogurt that was left over which my DD prefers - i usually eat the Greek yogurt that is thicker and "real".

I haven't had much to eat today and literally just wanted a spoonful for my lunch with a nectarine, but as soon as I was putting it in the bowl, my DH says I needed to stop eating the yogurt as it was left for my DD and she said that she'd have enough, so he hadn't ordered any extra.

I've eaten the yogurt now but feel crappy and guilty. I know it's not a serious thing or the end of the world, but I do feel like sometimes he is a bit controlling at times. He often criticises the way I do chores like washing up or hanging up washing if I haven't done it in the same way he would - he says he's had years of doing it so his way works best - and as I dont hang clothes on the clothes horse in such a way that doesn't crease them, my way isn't the best.😳

Anyway, just a bit of a moan. I sometimes feel bad but I think i might have undiagnosed ADHD so have a little part of the being oversensitive side possibly.

Surely one would just pop to the shop & get more? This is a non issue and he sounds like an arse

Yes, i agree, but it was literally a spoonful. Not the worst thing and whole pot!

How dare you help yourself to a spoonful. 😂

Eee god - how do you put up with him? Perfectionist or not, that is controlling telling you not to have something!

I get the overreacting thing.just try and breathe through it, until it passes because you won’t really think straight until it does (if you’re like me, I mean)

In my house that’s the sort of thing I could imagine saying to dh. And it wouldn’t land as hard, he’d just eat something else or pick up more if he was passing the shop. It’s just understood that I’m the provisions quartermaster because I shop and cook and carry that mental load. I’d totally defer to him in other areas where he’s the one doing the mental organisation.

It might be worth considering what was triggered for you? Women with adhd can be carrying an enormous burden of shame re household and family organisation because of social expectations that we juggle all these things. And then navigating our crazy impulse control, it can feel like a lot when a minor thing like eating a spoonful of yogurt blows up into yet another unexpected something.

Keeping the yoghurt for your DD, I can relate to. I'm vegan and my husband is not and it drives me mad when he helps himself to my vegan stuff when he could have anything else in the kitchen.

The other stuff, though - he sounds more like your dad than your DH. What a patronising arse, "My way is better". Either he sees you as an adult, equal partner in the relationship, or he thinks he's better than you. That's what would put me off.

Lol

I internalise it and feel sad a lot.

It just gets a little annoying as he likes to pick holes in how I do things.

Time to poke holes in how he does things. If he's ordering food to this weird standard where there's no food in the house until it arrives and you can't have extra of anything, he's doing it wrong. It was his fault you ran out, his fault you used DD's and therefore his fault there won't be enough.

Or, he accepts that different people do their jobs in their own way and he can chill out.

BTW I know more than one man using 'OCD' as a smokescreen for controlling behaviour.

I suspect that most of us on this board have micromanaged the way our male partners carry out domestic tasks at some time or another.
And yes, moaned if someone had helped themselves to something that was intended to last for someone else.
So without any major back story, I think your overreacting a bit.

Plain yogurt isn't reserved for goodness sake. It's not a special food, or an expensive treat. It's a household staple, when it's gone it goes on the shopping list.
If you get through a lot of it, buy extra as it keeps ages.
Rationing natural yogurt in your own home? Absolutely not.

are you on a tight budget or something?

Yes

He often criticises

I knew this wouldn’t be just about yogurt.

I think you need to tell him he is your partner and not your parent. You can hang clothes your way.

It can be bought for £1 but you don’t know everyone’s budget to say if it’s a household staple or a treat, it might be a special food for their DD

This. Tell him to up the yoghurt order as the current way isn't working. Also, if your DD is 15 she can stop off at the nearest shop and buy herself more yoghurt on the way home from school. My DC went to Aldi for bits and pieces at that age.

@ForeverDelayedEpiphany sounds like you were taking more than a spoonful of yoghurt if you were putting it into a bowl???? most parents cater for their children first and themselves last!

This! I don’t understand why so many posters don’t seem to see the issue with it. Surely it’s normal if you know a certain thing is a certain person’s then you don’t eat it without replacing it

@ForeverDelayedEpiphany
Your dh doesn’t sound very nice tbh. Do you have a laugh together? When you say you feel sad inside, is that due to what he says to you?
It’s really ok that you had a spoonful of yoghurt, it’s a very small thing for such a big thing to be made out of it. Have you got friends you can chat to?

"he is a bit controlling at times" clearly your issue is not just to do with the yogurt is it?

You should not eat something that was bought for someone else, pop down to your local or order online if you want one

More or less what I was going to say. I've seen lots of threads on MN by women pulling their DH up on how he pegs the washing out/stacks the dishwasher or being irritated because he ate the thing intended for DC's lunch. It's trivial in the scheme of things but most of us are guilty of it sometimes, to a greater or lesser degree.

Yes I do put my children first. It was literally a dessert spoon of yogurt 😳

I actually can't see the issue with the yoghurt! Op doesn't normally eat this yoghurt, she eats her own which has ran out, so there is nothing wrong with her DH informing her that he hadn't put any more on the order for DD as she had told him she would have enough.. he does the shopping, not OP, so she wouldn't be aware that there was no more coming unless she was told?

It wasn't designed to make her feel guilty, it was so she was informed about the situation, OP could have just said she'd pop out and get some more if it ran out.

With regards to everything else, if he is so specific about how he wants things done then let him crack on with it! It's not worth even getting bothered over to be honest. If he wants you to do things round the house he has to accept that you both do things slightly differently, if he wants things done a certain way then he can do it himself!

Nothing really makes me happy. I've had a lot of health problems over the past decade including a head injury and a movement disorder caused by some prescribed off label antipsychotic so I guess I have to work on my happiness a bit more 😅

Order things yourself and tell him he is not allowed to eat it. What a muppet he is.

I don't think this sounds unreasonable but that doesn't mean you can't be a bit irritated about it in the moment!