DH said not to eat yogurt as it was just for DD15

[ForeverDelayedEpiphany]

Food order is coming this evening. Dh is usually one who does them.

We're out of yogurt so I ate a spoonful of natural Greek style yogurt that was left over which my DD prefers - i usually eat the Greek yogurt that is thicker and "real".

I haven't had much to eat today and literally just wanted a spoonful for my lunch with a nectarine, but as soon as I was putting it in the bowl, my DH says I needed to stop eating the yogurt as it was left for my DD and she said that she'd have enough, so he hadn't ordered any extra.

I've eaten the yogurt now but feel crappy and guilty. I know it's not a serious thing or the end of the world, but I do feel like sometimes he is a bit controlling at times. He often criticises the way I do chores like washing up or hanging up washing if I haven't done it in the same way he would - he says he's had years of doing it so his way works best - and as I dont hang clothes on the clothes horse in such a way that doesn't crease them, my way isn't the best.😳

Anyway, just a bit of a moan. I sometimes feel bad but I think i might have undiagnosed ADHD so have a little part of the being oversensitive side possibly.

So his efficient ordering system left you starving so he's useless at it.
He really sounds controlling and you seem to be accepting it. Tell him his ordering is at fault and he could do better. He needs to always make sure there is food in the house

Aaah OK. I would say this makes a very big difference tbh.

My DP would never eat things maliciously either, but he does constantly eat everything in sight because he's hungry and then doesn't think. That's why we split the nice stuff up - so he knows what he can wolf down his as quickly as he wants while still making sure there's stuff for everyone else when they want it.

If you've got a bit of a tendency to eat impulsively, including eating food that's earmarked for others, this could just have been your DH reacting to that - even though this time it was "just" a spoonful.

As someone who's constantly been on the end of this, it gets infuriating and then you get over-sensitive. DP finished DD's sausage rolls yesterday - which she was planning on having for lunch the next day. He had two packs of his own, different sausage rolls that no one else likes, but he ate hers just because she passed him the pack and asked him to put it back in the fridge. He just didn't think. He's like Homer bloody Simpson when it comes to food.

I'm sure you're nowhere near as bad as this OP, but yes, when there's someone who's constantly snaffling nice stuff in the house, it can start to fester a bit.

I’m not clear whether his ordering is at fault or whether OP finished “her” yoghurt more quickly than normal.

I’m also curious what the food was that OP didn’t eat because she was saving for someone else and why the yoghurt was deemed more expendable. I’d check with the person who did the food ordering what was going to come in the shop before eating something that I knew was someone else’s preference and that wasn’t going to be topped up this week.

It sounds as though there wasn't much of anything for Op to eat at all though?

I mean I agree that if money is tight it's fine for people to have their own treats & when it has gone that's it.

But it seems that Op was struggling to find anything at all-be it treat or food!

I know i do tend to not help myself as much as I could though. My parents were quite overprotective in lots of ways and mollycoddled me (as I was adopted and 3 months premature), so it's been a case of my DH being sometimes somebody who is a bit "father" like i suppose, in the older man role.

He orders food within budget probably better than I could as in some ways, I am crappy with money. I guess this week maybe i ate too much food before the order...

Ha ha, well I do love my food and occasionally snaffle others', but i don't indiscriminately just eat any old thing every day 😅

My husband has eaten food that is for my daughter = he’s a prick

my husband is annoyed I’ve eaten food that is for my daughter = he’s a prick

My husband doesn’t do the food shopping = he’s lazy
My husband does do the food shopping and communicates when things are running out = he’s controlling

Haha, I love your honesty OP!!

I think you should just forget about this yoghurt now. It's done. Try not to dwell on it. No harm done and it's over.

Going forward, as you say you're shit with money and prefer your DH doing the shopping, are you requesting that he orders sufficient food for you? Is there any shame or awkwardness attached to you requesting a sufficient amount of food for your week's lunches? You need to make sure you're asking for, and he is ordering, enough food to realistically last the week.

Could you order some long-life stuff for the cupboard that you can fall back on if you've eaten up all of your nice stuff? Like tins of tuna etc. I'm currently eating my way through protein bars but I don't recommend that as they're bloody expensive. I don't know, what else do you like that you could keep to one side for any time when you're feeling as if you want to stuff your face? That might help ease the frustration of others in the house, while still ensuring you've got enough food!

I'm also both ND and in peri-menopausal, and sometimes the need to just bloody EAT is off the scale. You say you're trying to lose weight, so maybe long-life cupboard food that doesn't have to be eaten by a certain date but gives you the option of just piling into it if you need to (without worrying about short dates and wastage) could help? And it's not too expensive either.

Instinct tells me it's not about the yoghurt, it's about his wider habit of nitpicking the way you do things. And the heightened sense of rejection you feel at the receiving end of these criticisms. It doesn't surprise me that he's a lot older.

Yes, you have hit the nail on the head, exactly this. Thank you 😊

Yes, you have hit the nail on the head, exactly this. Thank you 😊

I'm waiting for two operations first next month. I've had to stop driving, can't cope with shopping so DH is going it all. This means I have to eat what he chooses. He likes hot and spicy which I can't eat, I miss shopping for myself.

@ForeverDelayedEpiphany DH is happy for her to cook but he'll have to let her choose the ingredients so she cooks within her skill set.

Both my DILS have online shopping once a fortnight, but to save money they also shop at Aldi, Lidl, Home Bargains and B&M. I'm betting that they're shopping more cheaply than OPs partner.

I wouldn’t fancy anyone who nitpicked me. It’d make me go off them completely

You ate a spoonful of yoghurt, which is fine. If you eat loads, just replace it.

I will say, Dh does this and it drives me nuts. He ate the best part of half a chicken today for his lunch - the half of chicken that was clearly for our dinner tonight, and went with all last night’s leftovers. He also claims he doesn’t want anything when I do the weekly food order, but then suddenly needs a week of lunches so siphons off food from all the rest of us and eats all the kids’ snacks.

It isn’t controlling in itself to say, I need that thing for something this week, but I think it’s also fine for you to eat whatever you want as long as you buy enough to see everyone through the week instead of lumping the extra shops on him.

Oh yes, absolutely, I do get this. I mean, i don't let people go without if i use something up - I'd buy a replacement.

Maybe I should buy an extra yogurt just for me so DH can't say anything about me eating extra 🙃

And write your name on it 🤣

I think this forum being what it is, most posters have no idea about the fear and terror of not having enough money to make sure there is enough food to go around and while it might seem irrational for people to say 'dont eat that yoghurt', thats often where it comes from

People are often shopping in a way that is stretched to the bone so sometimes you cant just replace stuff, which Im reading between the lines may be the case here

That’s why I asked. I’ve been there and it’s a different way of thinking to many on here.

If it was me I’d see if I could find a way to get to Aldi or Lidl but that may not be feasible for the op.

Yes I wouldnt be shopping in Sainsburys, way too expensive. Problem is, online shopping negates the risk of impulse buys, so I can see why they want to do orders. On the other hand the supermarkets use online ordering as a loss leader, it costs them money to do ordering and deliveries and thats why budget supermarkets are not going to offer that so you'd have to go in Aldi and LIdl and then try to avoid all the special buys and offers. Or you come out with a load of bed linen and hammers that you never needed.

You’ve met Mr Bog then?

🙄

No no no ....it's not you. Did you ever live alone or independently? Have you always been told you need someone to look after you? He's now got you worried about eating normally your making a lunch of one spoon of yoghurt and a bit of fruit. Absolutely not adequate.
Why does he budget so tightly are you both on low wages/benefits? Is he saving for his future....sorry I bet he says both of your futures? Does he buy stuff for himself?

He’s a twat. In future any job he moans about how you do it, he’s signed up for indefinitely.
Order more of your yoghurt and enjoy! He sounds miserable

But he's sitting on his arse doing an online shop at one supermarket so not really budgeting

I work part time from home as a freelancer and he is full time WFH for a company in London. Our combined income isn't huge but it's ok.