DH said not to eat yogurt as it was just for DD15

[ForeverDelayedEpiphany]

Food order is coming this evening. Dh is usually one who does them.

We're out of yogurt so I ate a spoonful of natural Greek style yogurt that was left over which my DD prefers - i usually eat the Greek yogurt that is thicker and "real".

I haven't had much to eat today and literally just wanted a spoonful for my lunch with a nectarine, but as soon as I was putting it in the bowl, my DH says I needed to stop eating the yogurt as it was left for my DD and she said that she'd have enough, so he hadn't ordered any extra.

I've eaten the yogurt now but feel crappy and guilty. I know it's not a serious thing or the end of the world, but I do feel like sometimes he is a bit controlling at times. He often criticises the way I do chores like washing up or hanging up washing if I haven't done it in the same way he would - he says he's had years of doing it so his way works best - and as I dont hang clothes on the clothes horse in such a way that doesn't crease them, my way isn't the best.😳

Anyway, just a bit of a moan. I sometimes feel bad but I think i might have undiagnosed ADHD so have a little part of the being oversensitive side possibly.

I don’t see any problem in eating DD’s yoghurt. She could always have something else and your DH should buy more yoghurt or perhaps you could do the food ordering. Your DH sounds controlling and a bit of a git.

I thinks it's the OPs sympathy grab poor me description of the situation that has skewed opinions. "Haven't had much to eat" "just a spoonful" "blame my ADHD for taking my daughters yoghurt" "controlling husband". I also don't like the way my husband hangs up washing because it doesn't dry as well when it's creased. Apparently I'm controlling too. 🙄

I will say that we reserve food for DS1 who has autism and eating issues. If there was an item of food that he liked then none of us would usually touch it. If one of us did eat it then it would be with a view of replacing it before he was likely to want it. That's our normal tbh. So I 6might well eat one of his yoghurts, but that would be after he has gone to school and before I would do the shop.

(Incidentally- DH has literally just come in and called up the stairs 'I have bought [DS1] some chocolate eclairs so they his, okay?'

He often criticises the way I do chores like washing up or hanging up washing if I haven't done it in the same way he would - he says he's had years of doing it so his way works best - and as I don't hang clothes on the clothes horse in such a way that doesn't crease them, my way isn't the best.

This would piss me off no end. If my DH said that, I'd just tell him that I do it my way and if he wants it done his way, he can crack on with doing all the washing and hanging out himself.

If the yoghurt that you eat is just for you & you know how long until the next shop maybe you do need to be more mindful of how much you eat at a time?

If others are chipping in that makes it hard though.

Seems to me it's the way he spoke?

Surely you just say "daughter was hoping that will last her until whenever".

In which case you either don't take more or acknowledge & that you will replace-money & time permitting?

I've not worded it deliberately to garner sympathetic responses. It's just how I felt about his way of saying things to me. It doesn't mean I dont see his point of view or can't understand where he is coming from..!

You ATE it anyway, sorry - can’t edit it now!

Sounds like food is rationed in @ForeverDelayedEpiphany house. She had a nectarine and a dessert spoon of yoghurt for lunch. What did his lordship have for lunch I wonder.

Yes, I agree. I mean, I probably should eat less at a time of the one i prefer, but equally I dont have an issue with sharing food. It's food we can all eat, so i dont begrudge someone eating some of it!

Just tell him to add it to the order.

My DH tried the "you're hanging the washing out wrong" line on me once. We had a brief row, and I ended up saying," Fine, do it your way then", and leaving him to it. He now hangs out the washing, so I see that as a win for me tbh. He gets to be a perfectionist for himself, not for me. He can decide how he does things, and I get to choose how I do things. If he objects strongly to my way, he can do it all himself. He doesn't have a lot of feedback to share anymore for some reason 😆

On the yoghurt, I would assume he is sharing what he thinks is useful information, nod vaguely, mumble thanks and carry on. You don't need to justify your lunch choices. If you think it genuinely might be an issue for your DD you can choose something else; otherwise, she can manage with what's left, yoghurt isn't covered by the Human Rights Act 😉.

Ha, well he has had a ham sandwich. But he doesn't order himself treats. He is always eating beans on toast or weetabix to have the same lunch and save money which I do understand.

Is he controlling in other ways as well @ForeverDelayedEpiphany ?

My husband sounds a little bit like this: he wants things to be done in a certain way. Therefore he does his own laundry (I do his underwear and pyjamas) so he gets to hang his stuff the way he wants to.

What I have learnt is that if he criticise something I do I just don't do it for him anymore. If he's not happy with my way of cooking or whatever I just don't do it for him.

I'm more easygoing like you while he is very perfectionnistic and we have kind of found something that works for us. I find it worrisome that you think you got ADHD just because you don't live up to his (too high) standards. He needs to accept that you're different and stop being a dick.

As does he! Geez. Could not handle that level of nitpicking. He can do all the bloody chores himself if he wants to micromanage them.

This is how I work too. I do leave the things he likes doing to his own way, so he has less to moan about to me if it's not done to his liking when I do it.

But of course, the workload of his then doubles so he moans about how much he is doing too - i can't win either way 😳😅

I do leave them to him, but it results in him making out he's a martyr.

I agree that i need to di the things my way and leave him to do his own stuff the way he wants.

Bloody hell theres thread after thread after thread on here about husbands and sons and partners who have 'eaten xyz and now we've run out and it was for so and so'

To be met with swathes of 'hes greedy' 'I couldnt be in a relationship with someone with such poor self control' 'he's selfish' 'make him go out and replace that'
Ad infinitum

So are you saying I'm selfish or need more self control?

Hmmm I’m in two minds here.

money is really tight and you’ve asked for a certain amount of yoghurt for you. Your daughter is given a certain amount for her. You ate all yours, your husband came in as you were spooning your daughter’s yoghurt into a bowl. So at this point he didn’t know you were going to only have one spoon, so he said don’t eat more, it’s our daughters, which to be honest I feel is fair.

im however unsure, how big was the pot is your daughter really going to eat half a large family sized pot, did he know there was more than half left.

was that literally all there was to eat, her yoghurt and a nectarine, wasn’t there other stuff.

im also a little concerned about all the self diagnosis you’re all doing. He’s ocd, you’re adhd, possibly now rsd as someone suggested it.

isnt ir really there isn’t much money and it has to be on food rations, so he goes without and he’ felt a little annoyed when he saw you’d eaten all yours and were busy spooning your daughters into a bowl? Couldn’t you have just said, I’m onky having one spoon, (not really sure why one spoon had to be put in a bowl to be fair) and there is more than half left of this family sized pot?

but equally I dont have an issue with sharing food. It's food we can all eat, so i dont begrudge someone eating some of it!

I'm not saying that you do begrudge.

Just that if others are eating it as well you can't really divide it out for yourself iyswim.

I mean depending on how well dated stuff is he probably might as well have replaced both yogurts or just keep an eye on it to see if it needs replacing between shops this time.

I know, it's a bit of a non-issue in some ways, you're right.

I guess i should try not to self diagnose too much either, although there are some things that make me think about ADHD, OCD etc but I guess everyone has sone 'ways' that might be said to be a bit neurodivergent.

There was other stuff but i had actually left the other stuff for other people to eat (I know...!)

People on mumsnet NEVER run out of any food, so you have committed a cardinal sin here OP. In reality people run out of stuff all the time and it’s no big deal, your daughter can eat something else it won’t kill her. Hth.

If the yogurt Dd likes runs out I expect someone might pass a … SHOP… that sells it, before the next order is due?

Just to give an indication of yogurt pot size... not a very small one!