How much help have you had from parents in life?

[Bitesize89]

I never thought anything of it until I met my DH and his family. His parents have sacrificed so much for him and helped him with uni, housing prices and constant help whenever needed. It's made me wonder. As a kid my parents were fairly well off they ot me through sports which I am grateful for and though uni education very grateful for that. I was never allowed to have friends over after they built their own house so from 14 onwards as they were afraid of house parties and that I'd somehow break anything ( Inever broke anything). When I turned 18 my dad kicked me out and told me paid for all my uni and housing which I am very grateful for but I wanted to do a year abroad before and they said I wouldn't get help with uni if I did that. They are retired now and since then I haven't gotten anything from them. I don't know if that's normal or not but they never offered to pay for my wedding or help with a house deposit. To bring context they have a house worth over 1 million and my dad said he got a big stick payout in his retirement. I know Its not my money and they can do what they want, my partner this ks it's weird that they never offer to help. When our DD was born his parents gave us money to put for her education ect mine haven't but I'm not resentful. Just wondering is it strange to have parents not help when they can afford to?

It’s probably not great inheritance tax planning on their part. Are you their only child?

No I have a sibling but they live abroad in Canada so not sure about the inheritance tax...

They paid for uni and my wedding plus have helped emotionally. Were good, kind parents.
No house deposit or any other financial help.
I don't want or need their help.
.

How did they help with him with house prices? They dont control them. You mean a deposit?

It isnt however a competition though. My mum didnt even pay for uni. She was on at me money during that time and I was sending her some of my student loan though she lived off benefits.

When i was doing alevels she cut me off and I had to work and didnt even pay my bus fares to college. No clothes no nothing begrudged buying me food though she claimed child and other benefits.

Money isnt everything but I didnt even get any emotional support. Just phone calls to university dumping her latest problems on me and asking when I was coming home next and she hated the start of every university year saying it would be hard "losing me" again. She thought there was nothing wrong with her expecting that level of emotional support from a teenager.

My partner had so much support and help even now.

You at least gone uni paid for. I was in debt everywhere for years because of it.

They arent obliged to give you any money.

Parents put me through private school for 5 years way back when, got into a lot of debt to do so, especially as my dad had had very unstable employment - literally repeated redundancies, unemployed for a year and we lived off savings, my parents were eating every few days so the 3 of us kids were fed. Lunch was a Marmite sandwich and a satsuma. Seems absolutely mental that they did that and I feel incredibly guilty about it. It was really my mum's decision and my dad would just be told what to do. My siblings went to state schools.

I've had zero financial support of any kind since I was 18, I ended up giving my mum a lot of money. All of us did, she had a mental breakdown and got made redundant (they divorced when I was 17) and had serious mental health issues since then that just got worse and worse. Difference is tbf she couldn't have afforded to give help, but there was lots of times she was actively being manipulative to get money.

She died by suicide almost two years ago and hadn't been herself for a long time. I did feel resentful that she was so disdainful towards my grandmother and yet kept going to her for money, emotional support etc which I didn't get as an adult. But I've managed just fine and I think it's made me more resilient. I really miss her good side though.

They did overtime to pay 2 x £10 for me to double enter a couple of O levels and CSEs. And paid for an English tutor for 10 weeks. I pulled of an A grade O level (mock Grade D). That's been immensely helpful over the years.

They looked after our kids in holiday time for weeks on end. Enabled me to work in my career.

Although, slight payback time now. I managed to keep Mum at her home when she died. Then Dad's lived with us for 18 months as he has dementia. Hes currently in hospital having survived sepsis but he is incredibly frail now, his dementia has taken another step, and he is possibly bedbound. We will do all we can to bring him home to us (obviously with lots of help).

So it swings in roundabouts.

Bought my first car. Paid for wedding. Paid for uni. Lived at home rent free after uni for a year. I didn't really need any other help though as house prices were so much lower 25 years ago. I will be giving my kids more because they'll need it.

None at all.
I left home at 17 got a job and then self-funded uni 10 years later.

Mine helped me through uni and gave me a few hundred pounds towards my wedding but that's about it. My mum left money in trust for the grandkids instead of her children, my dad's leaving everything to his wife, I had to guilt him into giving my children something for their 18th birthdays. They had decent jobs but were rubbish with money. I'm not particularly bothered.

I've put mine through uni, paid for driving lessons and pay for them if they come on holiday with us but I am not planning to give them a house deposit, anything spare now is going towards retirement, it will be my time!

My dad died when I was a young adult which is sad, I miss him. My mum gave me a house desposit in my 20’s basically paid me to leave home so she could concentrate on her new husband, but no emotional support or practical support with childcare, barely hear from her at all. Feeling like I’ve really missed out and for my children too not to have loving parents around.

I got help through uni and I lived with parents 'rent free' for a couple of years post uni whilst I saved for a house deposit. Haven't had any financial help since.
I would have to be in dire straits to ask my parents for money and I would certainly be paying them back. I don't think it's at all weird that they haven't offered me their money. I've been an adult with my own children for a long time.

Very little - mainly because they weren’t in the position financially or emotionally. They help where they can now. I plan on being more present and involved with my DC.

Bought me a fridge in 2009. Uni, house- none of us will get any help with housing, one parent rents and the others house is staying in the family. (Built by great great grandparents.)

I also moved out at 18 and never moved back. My parents certainly weren’t in the position to give me a deposit for a house! I was always very aware that it was down to me to achieve these things for myself, which was a double edged sword.

I received zero financial support from my parents, whereas my husband has had plenty. It does make me laugh when he brags to me about how well he's done financially in life, when he's had a hand up at every step. I do have to tell myself (and remind him) that every penny I have in life I have earnt myself. It does sting though and I will make sure that my kids have the financial help. It can make a huge difference to the successfulness of someone's life.

I take a certain pride in managing with almost zero help. So has DH.

My parents are amazing, they've helped all my life, cars, uni, wedding, more cars, business loan (paid back with extra), helped when divorced...now just bought again after renting since divorce, helped with deposit, loaned (long term, no interest) money to pay off car finance, physically are helping with the renovation/move. And they've done the equivalent for my sibling.

Why wouldn't your dps help if they're in a position to? Eventually everything is likely to go to you, my dps would rather help when we need it than make us wait until they're gone...and I plan to do the same for my dc, as my gps did for my dps

DH and I both have a single parent (working class - 1 was a teacher.1 was a nurse) and we also have siblings (for context).

Each of them have helped us out here and there but more the occasional big gesture rather than regularly.

eg my dad came into some inheritance and gifted me and my brother £10k each - to go toward our respective weddings.

MIL got a lump sum on retirement and gave each DC £3k gift from it.

so incredibly generous and much appreciated.

Loads from my dad. First car, uni, holidays, help with house deposit, money towards home improvements etc.
My dad is wealthy, and he’d rather we have it while he’s alive than when he’s dead.

They gave me zero financial support or gifts and were terrible parents apart from that.

I’ve never had a penny from either parent (DF is dead now), but I’m in my 40s and it never occurred to me that I’d get anything once I was an adult as they didn’t provide anything when I was a child either, aside from food and essentials.

For my own DCs I’ve paid uni accommodation, driving lessons, and a 20% house deposit each. I also help them out with bits and bobs (have paid for white goods and furniture, for example). We’ve also paid for numerous family holidays and meals out etc.

I won’t pay for weddings when the time comes because we will have to eat in retirement and I think they believe we’re a bottomless pit!

I think your expectations are high. They sound to have supported you greatly until you were an adult and through uni.

Why would they continue? What type of adult expects to be kept by their parents, particularly once they have retired. It's not normal in my world.

My parents brought me up as a child and then I was on my own from 17/18. I don't know anyone whose parents have given them a house deposit. I come from a pretty poor area.

I don't know what I will do with my kids. I do let them live at home without paying rent and am paying for uni.

I think if I paid for all their stuff they might have less motivation to work hard. Also, I come from a long lived family and I may well need it for care in my 90s.

Neither me nor DH has had financial help after 18. I certainly wasn't put through university or given a house deposit. DH is quite jealous of friends who have had big hand outs. I accept reality but we are saving for DD.

Mine have been there to loan money when needed but never gifted anything. I am old enough to have received a grant for Uni and worked part time to fund the rest. They are not remotely generous and it stings, as they are very comfortable. I rented through my early - late 20s but then got on the property ladder by myself, living in a shitty area and only owning a 30% share. Thank god I then met my DH. I will not be repeating the same pattern for my DC despite having far less than my parents! Friends who had financial, or even just emotional support to be honest, had a much better start to adult life. I have been in therapy on and off for years and am only coming to realise now, in my late 40s, that it is OK to feel really really sad and upset by it all.