How much help have you had from parents in life?

[Bitesize89]

I never thought anything of it until I met my DH and his family. His parents have sacrificed so much for him and helped him with uni, housing prices and constant help whenever needed. It's made me wonder. As a kid my parents were fairly well off they ot me through sports which I am grateful for and though uni education very grateful for that. I was never allowed to have friends over after they built their own house so from 14 onwards as they were afraid of house parties and that I'd somehow break anything ( Inever broke anything). When I turned 18 my dad kicked me out and told me paid for all my uni and housing which I am very grateful for but I wanted to do a year abroad before and they said I wouldn't get help with uni if I did that. They are retired now and since then I haven't gotten anything from them. I don't know if that's normal or not but they never offered to pay for my wedding or help with a house deposit. To bring context they have a house worth over 1 million and my dad said he got a big stick payout in his retirement. I know Its not my money and they can do what they want, my partner this ks it's weird that they never offer to help. When our DD was born his parents gave us money to put for her education ect mine haven't but I'm not resentful. Just wondering is it strange to have parents not help when they can afford to?

Zero. Nada. Nil. No money, no childcare, zero fucks given toward me or their grandkids.

Mine gave me trauma. I am grateful for the resilience!

I plan on giving my children a house deposit each. I factor it into my financial planning for retirement.

I got zero from my parents but hey ho it’s made me very resilient in life. I was from a large family so there wasn’t spare money around. Didn’t go to university, in-laws offered to pay for our wedding but we declined. I help my kids out lots but then I can afford to but would go without if I couldn’t afford to. I can never understand parents who can afford to help but don’t,

My parents paid fory entire first wedding and reception. Dad bought my first well used car. Dad gave me deposit for first house. Mum and Dad looked after my eldest DS 2 days a week so I could go back to work part time. My DD was already at school. Years later when my car had engine trouble and I couldn't afford to replace it Dad loaned me money to buy another car and I paid him back what I could each month. It was all repaid in full though.

Nothing. Not a bean. I had Saturday jobs and babysat a few times a week from age 14. Paid for my own house etc.
No childcare, paid for my own driving lessons etc. they could afford to - but just didn’t.
All my siblings have had paid for weddings and university. I went to uni as a mature student and they gave me nothing.
This is why I feel no obligations towards them (unlike my siblings who also got house deposits and had childcare from them).
I did only semi jokingly ask if there was a wedding / deposit / uni fund with my name on it I could have and they looked at me baffled.

My parents were neglectful and emotionally abusive. Acrimoniously divorced and acted with spite towards me constantly. I was thrown out at 16 and had many adverse experiences because of how they raised me.

Had a job from 13 and always worked hard. Always tried to maintain a relationship with each of them and have many mental scars as a result.

My dad has met my children once, hardly spoke to them or me, and when he got home he called and told me he couldn't believe how old I looked. I have a relationship by phone with him now and then. Asked yhe other day if he'd like a few videos of the children emailed to him, and what his address is, and he said he doesnt like getting spam email. I regularly am fighting the tears back when on the phone, I think he may enjoy it so try to show no emotion.

When he dies, if he doesn't leave me anything I think it will hit me really very hard. I feel that will be the final insult, and proof he never loved me at all.

Its not about being money grabbing, I'd far rather have had his love and support and kindness over the years instead.

Those of you with nice, supportive parents, you've won life's lottery in so many ways. Sometimes I sit and try to imagine exactly what it must feel like and how life could have been, feeling loved and safe.

When I was younger, my parents helped with travel. I always really valued travel and experiences working and living abroad, so they often helped pay for flights when i wanted to travel in my late teens and early twenties.

Around the same time, my dad bought me a car (and another when the first died!) and paid for driving lessons. Since then, no support really.

Live abroad now and parents have paid for flights back to the UK a couple of times as a gift/because they wanted to see us, which was kind.

Been incredibly lucky both financially and emotionally. Had parental help when I was young, when they didn’t have much themselves and it’s continued as they’ve become more comfortable. They are now helping their GC with house deposits, as are we.

I think reading some of these posts, it’s hard for me to comprehend how many parents treat their children differently and unfairly. Just why? And it’s incomprehensible why those that can afford to, haven’t helped at all.

They fed and clothed me and kept a roof over my head. I left home at 18. Made my own way. Never received anything. Never expected to.

Not a lot, dm and dp separated when I was young, df paying of mortgage whilst dm in council accommodation with me and siblings.
we never did any extra curricular clubs nor had birthday parties…
however when dgm passed I got a small sum to help me on my feet when moving out into private rented property. And df paid first month of nursery fees whilst I got my wages. Df and mil help now and then if we are short and struggling but they are retired now

Not much really. I had a weekend job from the day I turned 16 and some of that money went towards paying for my braces (they paid for my younger sisters), I think they paid my first year Uni fees and then on I contributed. I took out a loan for my masters. I lived with my now husband from 21 onwards but I did have to make a contribution to the household prior to that. My parents paid for the meal at my wedding, which I was grateful for. On the other hand, my husbands parents are extremely generous, I remember being shocked at the beginning of our relationship with their generosity. They would randomly gift us some money and gift very generous gifts at birthday etc they also gave us money towards our house deposit. Tbh, I thought my husbands parents approach was unusual and thought my own experience was more common. I know with my own kids I’d like to make life as easy as possible for them so I will help financially (and emotionally, which was definitely lacking in my family) in any way I can.

I benefited from financial help when I needed it, and lots of support and love.

I do the same for my DCs. We are in a position to be able to help financially and we want to help, in practical and emotional ways. I don't understand people who stop wanting to help their children when they're passed a certain age.

I understand of course that not everyone can help financially, but there are many other ways to support your children.

It might have been different if our DCs wasted money / were work-shy etc. They work hard, are building careers and are sensible with their money, and I think if we can make life a little easier, then why wouldn't we?

So, so much it’s embarrassing.

Not very much for weddings which was sensible as I’m now planning my third 😣but when it came to a roof over our heads, my mum and my father in law made it happen, twice.

My mum dedicated her entire life to us including supporting every inch of our (state) education, cooking every meal including growing/raising many of the ingredients (I believe I ate out once from home before I was 18, and we never had takeaways) and modelling being a really good working mum. I could never thank her enough.

I’m exceptionally lucky.
My parents put me through private school, paid for uni so I had no student debts, paid for my wedding and bought my first house so I didn’t need a mortgage and continue to pay half of my own childrens school fees.

I’m well aware how exceptional this is and am forever grateful.

edited to add: they’ve also done all of our childcare for free when I’ve gone back to work and help with school pickups. They’re the best.

Mom was not in a position to help me through uni, nor for a house deposit. When I bought my house she bought me a lawnmower and a hoover- I was grateful.

I was very lucky, my parents were endlessly supportive. Not only did they provide me with a loving and stable home but they also gave me the confidence to think I could do anything.

We were not particularly well off but they sacrificed a lot so I had no debt leaving uni, gave me £10,000 so I could stay at home when my kids were little and contributed to my wedding. Then there were the endless meals out that I wasn't allowed to contribute to, childcare and the £20 pound notes for petrol, turning up unannounced to help me move house. They would have taken the food out of their mouths if I had needed it. They were a model of how to support your children.

@Bitesize89 you sound young and immature a 1M house is not much in Canada, owning a home requires maintenance etc. doesn’t mean they’re rolling in money to dish out.
Are you living in the UK? Sending money overseas from Canada is a pain in the ass.
I’m in CA, my two here get little things I’d love to give to my one in the UK but even the fuckin postal service can’t be counted on!

There are some other challenges in my relationship with my parents - as I’m sure a lot of people have - but they have always been supportive financially.

I got driving lessons for my 18th birthday, had money towards living expenses at uni, paid no board at home, and have always known that I could borrow money o go back and live with them if needed. As a young adult I sometimes got presents of money or a laptop etc if they knew things were tight.

Ive had inheritance when my aunt and my nan died, which my parents had arranged would go to my sister and I instead of to them.

Ill definitely follow their model of support with my kids, I feel like it’s been enough to make a real difference whilst not so much as to damage my work ethic.

Although there's nothing material, they instilled in me meaningful lessons—encouraging ambition, independence, patience, hard work, and resilience. It's a truly priceless message.

This thread is really interesting. Obviously there are so many ways to support one’s children and it’s not just down to levels of wealth.

I am curious though - for those who had different levels of support from their partners growing up, how does this affect raising your own kids?

My parents were in a position to help me financially quite a lot. DH’s parents were a bit less affluent, but I’ve been (privately) a bit shocked as to how little they’ve helped him and his sibling, even when they were in a position to. From the moment they turned 18, even when there were moments of struggle for their sons they never, ever offered to help. It’s entirely up to them of course and as I say it’s not like they are not uber wealthy, but it did seem weird. Imagine ‘we can afford a second home and lots of holidays but if our son loses their job at 24 and is struggling to pay the next month’s rental payment, we won’t be offering’. This attitude baffles me tbh.

DH is a LOT more generous than his parents ever were, but I find that he expects our kids to be more financially independent once they are uni age and beyond than I might. It hasn’t been an issue (yet!) but has anyone found this to be a challenge in their own relationship?

Zero. Parents weren’t wealthy at all so everything I have, I’ve done myself. I’d rather that than handouts tbh

I never had a penny from my parents, they divorced when l was 15 and with 3 younger siblings (one a toddler) my mum couldn't afford to treat us. This was in the 60s and divorce wasnt as common as it is now. My Dad married his affair partner and mum had to manage on a tiny amount of maintenance. Everything was budged to the penny and we older ones had to get Saturday jobs for anything extra we needed. I never had any financial help from my Dad either.
My own children are adults now but l have always tried to give them support and help them out financially whenever they need it.

It doesn’t sit well with me, grown adults accepting money from parents . Yes I had help here and there a few hundred, a new window, a kitchen floor in my flat when I moved in, but no wedding help or house deposits or cars ! I could take that- it’s pathetic

I had lots of support from my parents - they sold me their house at 50% of market value when I was 21 and they were moving. They got a low offer on the house and I said I’d you accept that then I’d rather have it so my dad knocked some more off and I got it. I also had money throughout the years and lots of support with childcare.

I also got an inheritance when they passed away.

I plan on doing everything I can for my two and have bought them both their first cars and supported when needed with things they need. I also pay if they want to come on holiday with us and will be giving them a house deposit when they’re ready to buy.

I don’t have a lot but it’s really important to me to give them a step up when I can.

Inheritance tax applies in UK if that where parents reside.

Not much help, my mum gave each if us £30k from a medical negligence payout. Didnt get anything else.

I dont give my adult child much, he earns well. We have given him money for cars over the years. I have bought him stuff for the house and do treat him and gf to a meal now and then.

When I get state pension I will be giving him a regular monthly sum (excess income) as it's free of inheritance tax and I'd rather see him enjoy it a bit whilst I'm alive (hopefully!).