How much help have you had from parents in life?

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I never thought anything of it until I met my DH and his family. His parents have sacrificed so much for him and helped him with uni, housing prices and constant help whenever needed. It's made me wonder. As a kid my parents were fairly well off they ot me through sports which I am grateful for and though uni education very grateful for that. I was never allowed to have friends over after they built their own house so from 14 onwards as they were afraid of house parties and that I'd somehow break anything ( Inever broke anything). When I turned 18 my dad kicked me out and told me paid for all my uni and housing which I am very grateful for but I wanted to do a year abroad before and they said I wouldn't get help with uni if I did that. They are retired now and since then I haven't gotten anything from them. I don't know if that's normal or not but they never offered to pay for my wedding or help with a house deposit. To bring context they have a house worth over 1 million and my dad said he got a big stick payout in his retirement. I know Its not my money and they can do what they want, my partner this ks it's weird that they never offer to help. When our DD was born his parents gave us money to put for her education ect mine haven't but I'm not resentful. Just wondering is it strange to have parents not help when they can afford to?

No help at all. None

Ive not had any help at all, was discouraged from attending uni as they said they wouldn’t help me. Was kicked out at 16. I needed £200 for a rental deposit once and my dad wouldn’t help me.
My mum has passed away now, but my dad is very wealthy. He’s been more helpful the last few years, gave us a wedding gift of £1k. When I was made redundant he sent me £2k. That’s as far as help goes.
having said that, I can’t help my kids because I’m not financially secure.

My parents no help at all. The opposite in fact. My DM secretly put bills in my name and then didn't pay them. I knew nothing until I got a solicitors letter. Luckily I got away with just paying the debt off. They collected benefits for us for our whole childhood, so it's not like they were spending their hard earned wages raising us either.
DH parents have helped us out a lot though.

I got absolutely no help from either parent for education, housing or marriage, although both worked full-time. I never asked, to be fair.

My parents have been very generous to me and my Sister. They bought me my first Car. Paid for my wedding. Paid for our first house ( bought for only 10k 28 yrs ago!). They also got everything I needed for my newborns ( cot, clothes, baby bath etc).

Recently they have given my Son £3k for his first Car. They also give me money now and again.

I am so grateful to them and appreciate everything they have done for us. As a single Mum it has lightened the burden a bit of bringing up 5 Children .

If I totalled how much they have given me so far ( Im 45 yrs old) I think it would be over £120k!

Very little help or support from my parents in any sense of the word.

Divorced parents, Mum was on benefits and Dad paid no financial support for me and DB. DM often struggled to pay bills and we frequently had no food or heating, so my earnings from part time work while doing A levels were used to fill these gaps and buy clothes. Anything left over I used to have a social life. Went to uni at 18 and my Dad gave me £50 to cover the cost of food while I waited for my grant to arrive.

Anything I earned during uni holidays was needed by my Mum, so I stopped going home in the summer and took hospitality jobs that involved living in. My Dad once drove me to one of these jobs as it was a difficult place to get to on public transport.

After graduation while working in a low paid job, my Dad once paid a month's rent for me when I was hit by a few higher than expected bills and was struggling to cover the following month's rent.

My parents did occasional babysitting when the DC were very small (can count on one hand the number of times).

We haven't always had much money, but I never wanted my DC to experience the anxiety of having parents who can't be relied on. It sounds like a low bar, but I'm grateful they've never known serious hunger, been cold at home or had to sit in the dark thanks to no power. They live at home rent free, we paid for driving lessons and covered the costs of any hobbies. Our house was the 'go to' place for their friends to come round and they've had a pleasant and relatively carefree upbringing (as I wish all children could enjoy).

@Notmyrealname22 A lot of it is about emotional poverty and unfairness of treatment (perceived or real). It sounds like they had your back up to a point tbh, but that there is a sort of meanness of spirit along the way?

Yes, I think it is the difference in treatment that irks me. One sister got full board, costs and spending money for uni. The other got her rent paid by them for 3 years while at uni but not her costs paid as she was eligible for Centrelink support. I worked full time while doing most of my degree. I went full time for the final year, and fully supported myself from savings. As I had savings, I didn’t even get Centrelink support. Never mind that I lived independently at 17, and had to walk home from work at 11pm in a dodgy part of town as I could not afford driving lessons let alone a car. I had to save up for 6 months just to buy a cheap bicycle to get to and from work.

I have never mentioned it to anyone, but it’s there. I’m sure they don’t see it as unfair or unequal. It’s a bit ironic as my Dad always felt hard done by, as his parent gave all his siblings financial help with house deposits and handouts and even gave one of them a successful business while he got absolutely nothing. I’m not sure how he fails to see the parallels. I am definitely the more financially successful out of my siblings, so I’m sure that reinforces their view that I didn’t need any help.

My parents gave emotional support. They looked after my eldest 2 DC when they were pre school age so I could work 3 days a week. On my 18th birthday they offered me a huge party or a pre used car. I chose the party but my sister's all chose the car. Mum came to stay for 2 weeks after each DC was born and cared for me, DH and older DC doing all cooking, cleaning and taking out elderly dc leaving me free to breastfeed new baby. Parents paid for my wedding and reception. Dad gave me deposit for my first house. Both sadly dead now but always had excellent relationship with both parents and they left me inheritance in will. Not a life changing amount but a very nice amount. Miss them both always.

My parents divorced acrimoniously when I was small. My mum brought me up for three years alone. I give her credit for that as it was tough for her. She went on to marry again. My stepdad was an unkind man and she stuck by him.
My dad was in my life but never offered me an escape. When I left for uni at 18, I stayed in my uni town throughout. I never felt either parent had a house that I could call home or stay at, and that has remained the case for the last three decades.
Financially, I put myself through uni, with the help of a grant and a loan, but my mum did give me £4K when my gran passed away. My dad gave me £4K towards a house deposit. Neither have ever looked after my children any longer than a day and I can count on one hand how many times they have had them.
Both love me in their own way but both damaged me in their own way. I am low contact with both and have grieved both. I feel a mixture of love, guilt, resentment and pain towards them.
I feel compassion but I don't feel obligation.
Much of the dysfunction has affected my life, relationships, mental health and my own parenting. I have to own that and change it.
I do envy others who had a more healthy upbringing and thriving, close-knit family ties.

I still remember the absolutely amazing incredible feeling when I bought my first car with money I’d earned. Same when I bought my first house, when I put myself through a decade of university etc. I also saw how much more equipped for my career I was because I’d worked since 14, compared to my peers who’d been supported by mum and dad.

I wouldn’t downplay the pride and satisfaction that comes from supporting yourself.

Neither myself or DH had any financial assistance from parents.

My parents gave me a rock solid work ethic and my Mother gave me very sound advice regarding men and money. They also both taught me to cook well. My Mother English food and my Father Chinese food.

Not financially no but in other ways they helped a lot.

I do help my dc both financially and physically. Simply because I can.

My parents no. I can recall my fathernonce sending me £100.00 as a gift out of the blue that was a huge surprise. My mother stopped with any support once I had moved out.

Mil and fil were generous in their support.

Big fat zero.
Mum died when I was a kid and the grief turned dad into a raging druggie alcoholic.
Somehow I managed to get into uni, but crashed and burned as I had no money, got into debt just trying to eat and had to quit in my 3rd year when the stress was too much.
A few years living on friends sofas doing crap jobs before my career only taking off at 25.
If anything over the years I gave my dad money, not the other way around, until he passed a few years ago.
Mid 30s now, I have no savings, live in rental accommodation, and feel miles behind my peers who have supportive family.

Zero help whatsoever, and I'm 54 now. I do get really envious when I hear of people getting help from their families

Very similar story, although I'm 54 and have nothing to my name. Rent, no savings, no pension. I'm fucked

Mine paid for uni. They were generous. Not ‘deposit for a house’ generous, but they bought us all brand a new car for our 21st and would fairly often give us money ‘just because’. This was usually 1k, but occasionally 10k.

They were not extravagant and didn’t spend money on themselves (apart from on cars which they both loved). They didn’t offload their wealth as they got older, although the idea of eventually paying for their own care was anathema to them. They’re dead now, both lived into their 90s and lived independently at home until the end without needing any sort of care. So we’ve definitely benefited from them being lifelong savers and having had a large property.

Dad bought me my first car, an old mini. They both put some money towards my wedding, but that’s it. I never expected anything more.

Mine have given me loads of help, in that I've always know they're there for me. Loads of practical support with childminding and advice on DIY, cars, finance etc, but not really money. I've always known if I was desperate they wouldn't see me destitute, which is a tremendous security blanket, but I'd have hated to have to ask.

I always said they did their bit by raising me to be capable of earning a good living, but they are starting to use gifts as IHT management now I'm in my 50s and don't need it

I should add that although my dad has been extremely generous, I have never once asked for money, or expected any. They’ve always been gifts given because he wanted to.
We have always saved for the things we needed/wanted and could have paid for them without my dad’s generosity. Him stepping in and paying meant that we could put the money we had saved aside for our children when they need it.

Barely any help. DM was a narcissist. DF is autistic. From about age 13 I’ve felt like I parent them. DF has helped a bit financially but mostly I’m in my own for everything.

Since 18 £50 for birthday and again for Christmas.

since having children £100 for birthday and Xmas also same amount given to my DH from them and the children

no emotional support as they aren’t those type of people and they just say ‘it’s your life and your an adult’ if I ask them their opinion on something

BUT if I have an emergency like needing to go to the hospital, a pipe leak, they will be there in a flash for childcare and turn up to all my children’s events in and outside of school.

DH parents give everyone in the family £10 for birthday and Xmas as he has an absolutely massive family. He is the 10th child out of 12 children. They will also be there in a flash but much more likely to give emotional support but they are a bit out of touch with things. If DH explains that the washing machine is broken they will attempt to fix it (even though DH has tried and he’s good at things like that) but to no avail and then just laugh it but wouldn’t offer financial help.

I’m from quite a large family. My parents have never been able to afford to help any of us out financially & I would never expect them too. I too, was lucky enough to get a grant for uni and worked part time to get by etc, paid for my own driving lessons & car , Dh and I saved for our own deposit on our first house, paid for our own wedding etc. Dhs parents are not well off either and has never had hand outs.

They have been fantastic parents and help out in other ways. Practical stuff, I know I could call them if I had a problem.

We have never used them for childcare except maybe twice, but again, I know my mum would if I asked her.

My parents are both late 70s, my dad is still ferrying around family members who can’t drive though. The youngest sibling still gets lifts to & from work even though it’s only 20 mins walk away!

My parents have been incredible my whole life. Put us through uni, paid for my wedding, has loaned me money when I needed it, paid a chunk of my house off to allow me to stay in my house after divorce, has saved for my kids and given them lots of extras I couldn’t have afforded, still treats me to big birthday presents like a holiday for my special birthday and they are both so kind and loving. I don’t take them for granted, they are exceptional and I know how lucky that is. I’ll dI everything I can to be there for my kids like that though I won’t be as well off.