How much help have you had from parents in life?

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I never thought anything of it until I met my DH and his family. His parents have sacrificed so much for him and helped him with uni, housing prices and constant help whenever needed. It's made me wonder. As a kid my parents were fairly well off they ot me through sports which I am grateful for and though uni education very grateful for that. I was never allowed to have friends over after they built their own house so from 14 onwards as they were afraid of house parties and that I'd somehow break anything ( Inever broke anything). When I turned 18 my dad kicked me out and told me paid for all my uni and housing which I am very grateful for but I wanted to do a year abroad before and they said I wouldn't get help with uni if I did that. They are retired now and since then I haven't gotten anything from them. I don't know if that's normal or not but they never offered to pay for my wedding or help with a house deposit. To bring context they have a house worth over 1 million and my dad said he got a big stick payout in his retirement. I know Its not my money and they can do what they want, my partner this ks it's weird that they never offer to help. When our DD was born his parents gave us money to put for her education ect mine haven't but I'm not resentful. Just wondering is it strange to have parents not help when they can afford to?

This was my experience too. My parents paid for my wedding but I found out later they really begrudged it. They haven’t helped me at all financially otherwise. Haven't given any emotional or practical support either.
I on the other hand have given a lot of support to my children, both financially and emotionally.

I lived at home but paid rent to my parents. I moved out with DH to a rental in our mid-20s. I have worked since I was a teen.

My parents did not pay for anything big. I paid for uni, car and DH and I paid for our wedding and honeymoon. We saved for our house deposit (while renting).

DH is the same, no hand outs. He moved out at 18 and rented with flatmates.

DH and I will be saving/paying for our DC’s education from our own pockets. Good thing we both have had lots of ambition to build our careers as we are now doing better financially than any of our parents ever did. Maybe it’s good to not rely on hand outs in some ways, and make your own money.

We had 260 saved towards our dream house. My parents gave us 150k towards us a few weeks before we were buying to take a chuck out of it. Just the type of parents we where lucky to have. Both professors in medicine.

Honestly, very little, and absolutely nothing in the past 20 plus years, not even a birthday or xmas present. Parents divorced when I was a teen and I was estranged from my father, who then disinherited me in his will. Miserable pig. My mother is really mean, with me anyway. She throws £££ a month at sibling, paid ££££ for him to have therapy after the divorce, pays some of his bills. I think I got a washing machine for my first house and a pram for eldest child but nothing seriously big ticket like driving lessons or a house deposit, I paid for that myself. I got a bit of money for my wedding from my stepfather and had to endure my mother screaming at me over the phone for months afterwards that it was all too expensive. It was £1500. The only life advice she gave me was that the most important quality I should look for in a boyfriend was that he was taller than me in heels (this from a woman who married a domestic abuser followed by a drunk).

This is exactly what my mother has done - offered to pay for things but then made it clear she felt hard done to. I wonder now if I was supposed to turn down the offers so she could feel like she was a wonderful mother but not actually have to put her hand in her pocket.

Absolutely nothing... In fact its me that's done the helping..
As a child, my dad used to get my mum to draw out the "family allowance" and she would have to hand over the lot to him and he would spend it on fags and his hobbies.

I can relate to this. My mother offered to pay towards my wedding dress, she offered something like £400. When it came to the day I was collecting the dress she said, “we said £250, didn’t we?”, I just remembered being mortified and cringing for her. I didn’t have the strength to argue with her so agreed with her. She’s always hard done by and needs excessive praise for fairly minor things.

@junebugalice my mother also has form for offering to pay for something and then back tracking on the offer later and denying she ever made it. I think she gets carried away in the moment and wants to appear all lovely and kind but is then resentful about it. There's a lot of very immature behaviour. I still cringe when I think about my own wedding dress experience - I was young and didn't have a lot of money. I was at the time still desperately people pleasing when I came to my mother, so I thought I should include her in dress shopping. Went to a high street shop that did off the peg. The dresses were cheap and looked it. I genuinely thought she would take one look at them and offer to pay for a better dress, to spoil me (yes, yes, I know, I was greedy/parents are not obligated to pay etc etc) but I had tried so hard to always put her first, to make sure her needs were met, I thought that was the moment when she'd put me first. Lol was I wrong. I ended up panic buying the cheapest dress in the shop because she said I couldn't possibly wait and buy a dress in the sale. I know if I'd gone shopping without her, I would never have bought it. And I was too embarrassed afterwards to admit I hated it and buy a different one (and tbh, by the time I'd paid for all the things she wanted for the wedding, including her outfit, I couldn't afford it anyway. She told me afterwards she hated the outfit I bought for her). Looking back it's mortifying. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to see things clearly.

@junglejunglebear oddly enough my experience was similar to yours with the cheap wedding dress, the only difference is that I genuinely loved it. The idea that that was good enough for me, by her, stings though. No expense spared for my sister though 🙄 she would make me feel guilty about wanting
certain things, for example “fancy” makeup or bags etc and then try to shame me after I’d buy them with my own money. I know what you’re saying about always trying to make her happy but nothing I ever did made her happy. I’m no contact 2 years now and the sheer relief at not having to deal with her toxicity outweighs the trauma of actually having to make the decision to go nc.

@junebugalice we are v v low contact now. All contact is superficial and I don't tell her anything. It's sad, really, but I've learned the hard way that this works best for me. I feel your pain. Hugs.

@junglejunglebear im glad you can maintain LC, I think it’s best if you can. I tried LC for a number of years but it didn’t work. Unfortunately my mother is narcissistic and extremely harmful so it was either stay in contact and watch my mental health continue to deteriorate or end the relationship. It’s an awful decision to have to make but I had no other choice. Big hugs to you too 💐

My very wealthy cousin kindly offered to pay for the flowers for my wedding (which I’d already ordered) so I gratefully accepted and assumed I’d just send him the invoice. Before I’d got round to it I received a delivery of five enormous cardboard boxes. When I opened them they were filled with thousands of plastic red and white roses. Temu didn’t exist back then, but they were similar quality.

I was mortified! I had to thank him for them but didn’t have the nerve to tell him i wouldn’t be using them. I often wonder what he thought when he turned up to the wedding and there were beautiful fresh flowers everywhere. He didn’t mention it and nor did I!

Well my Mum died when I was 8, so none from her. Then my Dad made a series of unfortunate decisions which meant I sent money his way (even when I was at Uni - he got a third of my income).

He didn’t contribute towards my wedding or provide childcare.

The help and financial support went the other way from child to parent in my case.

My DH and I are doing everything we can to reverse that trend in our family.

For me it’s not the lack of financial support it’s the lack of emotional support as there was none of that. If I was ill or upset I either got a mean comment or was ignored, when at sixteen I was followed home by a man who grabbed me they were angry with me as it it was my fault and showed no concern for me . I would have liked an occasional bit of interest or kindness

I managed to save £20k for my deposit in my twenties but it wasnt enough. They bunged me the extra 30k so that I could buy the house I wanted as opposed to a flat.

I moved out when I was 24 into that house. They never, ever charged me rent for living at home (prob cause they knew I was saving).

Over the years there has been a few thousand here & there (siblings all getting the same), "0% loans" to any sibling who needs it etc... not tens of thousands but if you're stuck for a few grand we know we can always ask for help. But we try not to. But we know it's there. When I built my extension I managed to finance it all myself, but I knew I had a safetey net.

I have a friend whose parents didnt help a single jot with getting their kids on the ladder, even though they were more than able, and I find that really weird.