How much help have you had from parents in life?

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I never thought anything of it until I met my DH and his family. His parents have sacrificed so much for him and helped him with uni, housing prices and constant help whenever needed. It's made me wonder. As a kid my parents were fairly well off they ot me through sports which I am grateful for and though uni education very grateful for that. I was never allowed to have friends over after they built their own house so from 14 onwards as they were afraid of house parties and that I'd somehow break anything ( Inever broke anything). When I turned 18 my dad kicked me out and told me paid for all my uni and housing which I am very grateful for but I wanted to do a year abroad before and they said I wouldn't get help with uni if I did that. They are retired now and since then I haven't gotten anything from them. I don't know if that's normal or not but they never offered to pay for my wedding or help with a house deposit. To bring context they have a house worth over 1 million and my dad said he got a big stick payout in his retirement. I know Its not my money and they can do what they want, my partner this ks it's weird that they never offer to help. When our DD was born his parents gave us money to put for her education ect mine haven't but I'm not resentful. Just wondering is it strange to have parents not help when they can afford to?

I got the literal bare minimum. So no university help, no wedding help, no house help, no childcare help etc. Like your parents then mine did well, not especially due to hard work or ingenuity. They were just born at the right time and in the right place. Also just want to spend their money on themselves. I won't be like this with my children when they get older and my in-laws aren't like this with my husband.

I will get the last laugh as they are not getting any younger and will want help. Zero chance of this happening 🤣 -they have never even changed either of my children's nappies. I will direct my parents in the direction of paid carers which will be explosive but funny

I’m 53 and slightly unusual in the my dad and step mum (mum died as a child) had a massive decrease in circumstances when I was a late teen.

• £100 (I guess around £250 in today’s money) freshers week. That was only uni contribution (and last money I was given) I got a full grant, all students loans and I inherited a modest amount from a great aunt (my mother was named in her will) during 1st year, so was ok.
• paid for ten driving lessons at 17
• I stayed at home rent free during first summer holidays from uni (they moved into a one bed bungalow 4+ hrs away after that - so I had to accommodate myself during holidays from then on).
• I think the main place where I noticed a lack of support and difference with other parents was practical and emotional. I had to manage everything myself, with no moral support. They never visited me but put a lot of pressure on me to visit them (which was expensive with travel and accommodation).
• Obviously zero practical help with their GC but my dad was generous with GC financially given his circs - £1K for CTF when born and generous gifts, would give them £40 cash when saw them too.

DH parents better off, comfortable not wealthy. His mum didn’t work because they could afford for her not to (even when both DC has left home and she was still only early-mid forties).

• could stay at home rent free (no uni) until he left home at 19, and again briefly when he split with GF in early twenties for a few months.
• Gave him some things to set him up in first rented flat (approx £250 worth)
• £1K (c. £1750 now) gift for wedding
• Saved some money for him as a child - £2-3K ish
• think they paid for some driving lessons
• Some practical help but not great with emotional support/empathy
• expect adult DC to host or pick up bill when eating out 90% of time

Our DC (22) have already had a lot more in comparison

• £40K CTF at 18 - and very strongly encouraged to grow this
• Stayed home rent free until ready to move out
• First rented flat fully kitted out - deposit and help with rent to start
• lots of practical and emotional support - including professional and financial advice. Will pay for help here if needed.
• Bought car and paid for all driving lessons and pay insurance and maintenance still
• Pay some regular bills/help with rent so they can save more (they save at least what we give)
• will help with house deposit when older and various other things (prob less generous with a wedding in comparison)
• if DH inherits from parents he will do a deed of variation to goes directly to DC

Yes I've had a fair bit of help. I lived at home until 24, with 3 years of that at uni but back home for holidays etc. I never had to live in any house shares or spare rooms outside of uni thank god. They gave me money during uni years, I did get loans but they gave me spending money. I never had to pay rent or 'keep' and they paid for all family holidays, meals out etc. They gave us money for a house deposit when they sold my childhood home and moved out of London. They've never been stingy or weird about money.

Edited to say DH didn't get any help, his parents didn't really have anything to give and were also not the most emotionally available or aware people. i think they lent us some cash when we first moved in together but it was strictly as a loan. Attitudes towards money are worlds apart in the two families

Nothing, no support. Ive had to live and look after myself and siblings. Its been very hard

Nothing at all. My brother got all the financial help when he was made redundant and had a baby to look after. It wasn’t repaid and there was never anything given to me, I have to claw my way along.

I had some inheritance from grandparents which helped me get on the housing ladder back in the late 90s but not much else other than that. My in-laws have helped us financially though and also help to support their grandkids as they go through uni.

I actually didn't realise this level of parental support was a thing until I met my husband and I now suspect that a lot of my friends have had help with house deposits, cars, school fees, holidays etc.

Some of these comments are really showing some unchecked privilege. The horrors of having to live in a shared house or rent a room! I made some of my best friends via house shares and had an absolute blast in my twenties meeting different people. Of course not everyone would enjoy it but not everyone has the luxury of parents buying them a property straight from uni. I’m now a homeowner but probably appreciate what I have even more from not being handed things in life and not having that expectation that I would be given things.

My DC will be significantly more privileged than I was growing up but there is something important about humility and self awareness.

Nothing at all since I left at 18, except very occasional childcare.

Have had to support my mother for 27 years, including buying her a property.

Is this yet another "why don't my parents give me their money thread"?

DH and I know many people now in their late 30s or 40s living in London still struggling in house shares and rented rooms. It's becoming more and more common due to the difficulties of getting on the housing market, especially as single individuals. It sounds awful and yes I'm glad I'm not in that position.

You can't possibly know you appreciate anything more than anyone else does because of your circumstances. I personally can't understand why people have kids and then leave them to essentially fend for themselves. On the basis it teaches them something? What? Prove it

Very little apart from 5k for our wedding. However I have never asked for or wanted their money. I am happy that I have been able to financially look after myself. Both dc got 8k from us at 18 that we had saved. Ds 24 used some of it towards a house deposit and although we gave house warming gifts etc we have not given any more cash. We have supported dc with first cars, driving lessons and money towards sports but both are also very financially independent.

Moved house to get into catchment for my primary school and lots of tuition. Paid for uni and London rent (I was an international student). They are v wealthy though. They did confiscate my savings when I married dh at 22 and eloped though they did return it later and gave me extra £10k when I had my wedding 7 years later (had to save for a deposit for a london flat and pandemic also delayed it). Now I have a baby they reinstated my hsbc Premier account and said they can top it up with unlimited money even though I am in my 30s..feel like I would die of shame if I asked them.

MIL let us live at her house for free for 3 years in our 20s (enabled us to save 70k for our london flat). DH's grandpa paid for our rental deposit/was our guarantor and also subsidized our rent in our first year of marriage.

It's wild how we are considered 'self made' in our social circle of London friends but it looks like a lot of help when you add it up.

Well I had free board until I was 19 and started working (could not work before that because of a decision my parents made), that's it really. Will not inherit anything either. But have accepted my parents weren't great and im lucky I have my DH and my DD's, life will be better for them and that's all that matters.

My parents paid my living expenses at uni (old fogey so had a grant for the fees and it was before student loans) although, I also worked to top it up; they also paid for most of our wedding. They didn’t help with a house deposit, but have given me a couple of significant cash advances later in life to reduce IHT.

They’ve also given my kids deposits for a property and living expenses when they were studying to reduce student debt, which really reduced the pressure on us and was hugely appreciated. I think/hope I have also given them lots of ( non-financial) support, especially now that they have health difficulties- however, they have been very careful with their money and already planned for care needs in the future. I hope I can do half as good a job!

Wow, some of these are lovely. I really like stories about parents who value their kids.

I left home to go to university and had some of a student grant, but my father had to pay my rent. We had no experience of university as a family, and when I realised I needed a bit more, I worked. I couldn't ask him.

That's been it, really. They say that parental support beyond school - financial and emotional - is a real hidden privilege.

My parents paid my living expenses at uni and for a post grad course, they had too much income for me to get a grant but gave me the same amount. I had some help with the deposit for my first house and they hosted my wedding and paid for it. I say ‘they” because I quickly realised when my father died that it was my father who helped me, not my mother. She left virtually everything to my brother.

Financially nothing because they didn’t have it.

Emotionally and practically, the whole world.

Absolutely nothing: no holidays, birthday presents or toys, they didn't even asked about school or give any affection. I actually thank them now because I've never expected or received help and it's made me completely self contained and independent.

Financially when I married 25 years ago they gave DH and I a cheque for £3,000 to do with us we wished, they have also given me £ as gifts in recent years eg for my birthday my DF (DM deceased) gave me £300 to treat myself to something and for our 25th anniversary he and my DB gave DH and myself £1000 to put towards whatever we wanted to mark the occasion.

Growing up there wasn't holidays - my Dad always has a low paying job and my Mum was aSAHM. Dad has made his income work by being financially astute and investing wisely - he is comfortably off.

But how they have helped me - all my life they have been there for me, loved me completely and unconditionally and provided me with a safe and lovely childhood , we never had much but family was and is everything to them - I am so very lucky

You only become a proper adult when parents stop paying/bailing you out.

There’s a big difference between having to live in a shared house in your forties due to the housing crisis and how hard it is to get onto the property ladder, and living in a shared house in your twenties whilst you are finding your feet. It’s quite clear my post was alluding to the latter.

Most people can pick up on entitled attitudes a mile off.

There is a middle ground between letting children ‘fend for themselves’ vs buying them properties to spare them the horror of having to live in shared accommodation. I am very happy in the middle personally.

Fair enough, my parents didn't buy me a house. I rented with DH (then dp) for 5 years then my parents helped with a deposit as they sold their London home. Most people are in the middle surely.

None I got £300 as a wedding present my brother got £20,000 as a house deposit . I dropped out of uni as they refused to pay their share of my grant ( days before loans) it’s not the money some interest and emotional support would have been nice I had none of that either

Im not sure there are many people on this thread who have had a house brought for them outright just to save them the indignity of house sharing.
Personally I house shared at uni, then again in London for a year when I was on a graduate scheme, then managed to rent on my own for a couple of years, met my DH, we rented and saved for a deposit for a couple of years, then my Dad offered us £20k (which was sufficient to cover the deposit as it was a small house!), meaning we could keep our savings. I was incredibly grateful, as I had never expected anything.