Husband obsessed with idea of threesome

[Jessa111]

Changed my name for this. I wonder if I could get some advice.

About 6 months ago, Myself and my Husband went over my friends house 1 evening for a few drinks. The conversation came onto sex. My friend decided to tell us ( I already knew, so it was more for my husbands benefit ), how she’d been with tones of woman during her uni years, had threesomes and loads more. My husband was clearly turned on by this as his face lit up and he was asking loads of questions. When we got home he tried to initiate sex, but I wasn’t having any of it as I was annoyed by how excited he got during the conversation.

Since then, all he has gone on about is threesomes with another girl, he’s even mentioned my friend once or twice. In the past he’s always told me he didn’t fancy my friend as she wasn’t ‘ his type’, but I’m now starting to doubt that. He’ll name drop her in random conversations all the time.

I have had a serious chat with him, telling him I find it disrespectful that he’s even thinking about other woman and he just says ‘all men think about it’.

It’s like he has a sudden Infatuation with my friend just because he’s found out she’s bi sexual and has a high sex drive. We have a great sex life btw so it’s not like he’s getting obsessed cuz he’s getting none at home.

Other than ‘leave him’ does anyone have any advice?
Many thanks
xx

Because that's the way the male brain works. She was basically giving him the come on and men really don't need a lot of encouragement. I mean, another woman (presumably reasonably young'ish and attractive) talking dirty would make most blokes fantasise. She was enjoying the attention and getting off on it too by the way. The difference is that he wants to live the fantasy. Tell him it's a deal breaker and to find someone else to indulge him. Explain how the divorce, finances and childcare will work going forward.

Friend knew what she was doing and husband took the bait.

I would be very tempted to hire a male escort dressed in leather bondage gear round and then say that, as he wanted a 3 some, you'd like to sit back and watch the pair of them in bed! See how he warms to that idea!

@Jessa111 so your husband has told you he wants sex with another woman? And not only that, you’ve expressed you are unhappy about this and he keeps bringing it up? And he also thinks he can sleep with your friend? Sorry but that is completely bizzare. Are you sure he also hasn’t gone elsewhere before as it would be very unusual for someone who has been in a long term monogamous relationship to suddenly bring up something like this in such a blasé manner. I would also question your friendship with this friend as it sounds like she was egging it on. Could they have possibly already slept together and planned broaching this with you behind your back? If my husband actively wanted to sleep with anyone else, it would be over.

I’d call his bluff. If he’s so keen for a threesome tell him you would like to have a threesome, you, him and another man. See how ‘excited’ he is about that!

This.

I would be keeping an eye out that they don’t decided to have their “threesome” without you.

Your so called friend wanted your husbands attention and she got exactly what she wanted.

Start mentioning a friend of your husband, give him a taste of his own medicine, or better yet, just leave him he sounds awful.

Your friend wants a threesome because she has feelings for one of you. It may not be him she actually fancies.

and find an escort with a huge dick and is going on top

Perv

I had an ex who used to do this. He once mentioned it during sex which thoroughly pissed me off

I went back ‘oh yes I’d love one with two men! (I wouldn’t) Maybe the other man might actually make me cum’. Then I started telling him what I’d do with the other man.

He was absoloutly fuming but didn’t dare mention threesomes again 😂I dumped him shortly after. I suggest you do the same!

I'm so tempted to suggest the third is a bisexual man.

Hmm, if you're friend and he is already interested and flirty, I'd question if something hasn't happened already and so they're trying to legitimise it by making a threesome suggestion. I'd seriously question whether that "friend" is actually a friend.

I had an ex who was desperate for us to go swinging, despite the fact that I couldn't imagine anything worse. Got off on telling me what he'd got up to in the past at parties. Absolutely grim.

You're going to have to tell him to stop mentioning it, the answer will always be no. And if he doesn't respect that, the relationship may well be over.

Gross. First, I'd cut off that so-called friend, not just stop seeing her with your husband. She's stirring the pot, and I wouldn't want her in my life. Cut out all mention of her, as well.

Second, as a PP said, make it clear to him that this is not happening and that it's disrespectful for him to keep bringing it up after you've said you aren't interested. This is a deal-breaker for you, and if he wants his family to stay together, he needs to nip all this talk in the bud. He can leave you, if he's not satisfied, but you won't degrade yourself by doing something you don't want to do. Ask how he'd feel about introducing another man into the marital bed. I doubt he'd be keen for that type of threesome. 🙄Disgusting pig.

This.

Both she and your husband have made your relationship weird with all of this. He's like a dog with his tongue hanging out.

If you don't want to leave him, I'd tell him you don't want to hear about threesomes or your friend from him ever again. If you want to continue seeing your friend, don't bring him with you.

I’d suggest you suggest a named male friend of his is the third before you would consider a threesome with another woman. Say you’ve always thought so-and-so would be really good in bed but never thought you’d ever get to experience it until he started mentioning opening your sexual relationship to other people. That might shut him up bit but unfortunately I think your b*tch of a “friend” has started something that’s not going to get snuffed out until something disastrous happens in your relationship. I don’t have any answers for you really but the friend is a problem. You can’t necessarily ditch the husband easily but the friend can disappear. The danger is whether they have any means of communicating behind your back. Maybe it’s best to keep your enemies closer, I don’t really know what to suggest.
But got the major ick on your behalf and if I was in your position I’d have lost so much trust in DH.

Do you think your friend fancies your husband and is buttering him up?

She fancies him and wanted some power and to feel attractive. More fool your DH for falling for it. She’s not your friend and don’t trust her if she’s prepared to upset you just to feel good about herself and her impact on your DH. I had a f’friend’ do something similar (not this though) and I am very guarded now with her.

tell him if he mentions it again then he won't even be in a twosome

Marc Almond once said the problem with threesomes is that somebody always ends up just making the tea

and he probably knows more about it than most

Hot blooded male? Can’t this male control himself or his urges? I don’t see Op talking about how she was turned on? So what’s the difference?

Ah really? The plot thickens…

Your friend is probably a massive dick. There is no reason for her to talk about it in front of your husband and I would bet she is getting her kicks knowing her husband is thinking about it. Particularly when she has already told you (which is ok as you are her friend) so why bring it up again.

DO NOT LET HER WIN by telling her your husband was interested in the idea of the threesome with her. And tell your husband to stop being a dick too

That's what I was thinking.

Say, "Sure, I'd be up for a threesome. I've always thought your mate Darren looks like he'd know what to do. Invite him over."

Respectfully OP, if your husband is hankering after a threesome and has the hots for your pal, I’m not sure your sex life is as ‘great’ as you think it is.

He has shown you what he’s like, the question is - what are you going to do about it?