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Original poster

Husband obsessed with idea of threesome

150 replies

Jessa111 · 15/06/2025 15:04

Changed my name for this. I wonder if I could get some advice.

About 6 months ago, Myself and my Husband went over my friends house 1 evening for a few drinks. The conversation came onto sex. My friend decided to tell us ( I already knew, so it was more for my husbands benefit ), how she’d been with tones of woman during her uni years, had threesomes and loads more. My husband was clearly turned on by this as his face lit up and he was asking loads of questions. When we got home he tried to initiate sex, but I wasn’t having any of it as I was annoyed by how excited he got during the conversation.

Since then, all he has gone on about is threesomes with another girl, he’s even mentioned my friend once or twice. In the past he’s always told me he didn’t fancy my friend as she wasn’t ‘ his type’, but I’m now starting to doubt that. He’ll name drop her in random conversations all the time.

I have had a serious chat with him, telling him I find it disrespectful that he’s even thinking about other woman and he just says ‘all men think about it’.

It’s like he has a sudden Infatuation with my friend just because he’s found out she’s bi sexual and has a high sex drive. We have a great sex life btw so it’s not like he’s getting obsessed cuz he’s getting none at home.

Other than ‘leave him’ does anyone have any advice?
Many thanks
xx

OP posts:
sueelleker · 15/06/2025 15:31

Jessa111 · 15/06/2025 15:04

Changed my name for this. I wonder if I could get some advice.

About 6 months ago, Myself and my Husband went over my friends house 1 evening for a few drinks. The conversation came onto sex. My friend decided to tell us ( I already knew, so it was more for my husbands benefit ), how she’d been with tones of woman during her uni years, had threesomes and loads more. My husband was clearly turned on by this as his face lit up and he was asking loads of questions. When we got home he tried to initiate sex, but I wasn’t having any of it as I was annoyed by how excited he got during the conversation.

Since then, all he has gone on about is threesomes with another girl, he’s even mentioned my friend once or twice. In the past he’s always told me he didn’t fancy my friend as she wasn’t ‘ his type’, but I’m now starting to doubt that. He’ll name drop her in random conversations all the time.

I have had a serious chat with him, telling him I find it disrespectful that he’s even thinking about other woman and he just says ‘all men think about it’.

It’s like he has a sudden Infatuation with my friend just because he’s found out she’s bi sexual and has a high sex drive. We have a great sex life btw so it’s not like he’s getting obsessed cuz he’s getting none at home.

Other than ‘leave him’ does anyone have any advice?
Many thanks
xx

Ask him how he'd feel about a threesome with yourself and two men. I bet he wouldn't be so keen on that.

Allergycream · 15/06/2025 15:33

Hang on wait a minute you've posted about this before a few months back.
You have changed some of it.
The last thread you was told to stop talking about your sex life to friends.
You said you or your husband one of you had a dirty dream with said friend.
And now he wants a 3some.
You got told multiple times on that thread to stop going on about your sex life.

DontTouchRoach · 15/06/2025 15:35

I’m sure all men do think about it, and I’m sure plenty of women do too. Thinking about it isn’t a problem.

The problem is that he keeps going on about it to you even though you’ve told him you don’t want to talk about it. He’s behaving like a total shit.

I’ve had plenty of thoughts about having a threesome with two men, but I keep those thoughts to myself because I know my partner really isn’t into that fantasy and I’m not a complete dickhead.

I also think your friend knew exactly what reaction she’d get when she decided to tell him. My friends and I would never in a million years start recounting our sexual exploits to each other’s partners! It’s really not OK.

Your husband is being a twat and your friend is not a good friend.

BlueandPinkSwan · 15/06/2025 15:35

My exh 'the scrote' was like this and was always asking for a threesome with a girlfriend of mine. I usually ignored it but one day said, " Okay, but I'll choose the guy, the thought of you having anal with another guy is really exciting, but more so when he fucks you It's gonna be great."
He never mentioned it again and I divorced him along with other reasons soon after.

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:42

Allergycream · 15/06/2025 15:33

Hang on wait a minute you've posted about this before a few months back.
You have changed some of it.
The last thread you was told to stop talking about your sex life to friends.
You said you or your husband one of you had a dirty dream with said friend.
And now he wants a 3some.
You got told multiple times on that thread to stop going on about your sex life.

Yes that rings a bell

OP… what is going on?!

Original poster
Jessa111 · 15/06/2025 15:43

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:42

Yes that rings a bell

OP… what is going on?!

Show quote history

That wasn’t my post.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessa111 · 15/06/2025 15:47

What I find bizarre is that he could go from not looking at my friend that way, to blatantly fancying her just because she was upfront about her sex life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessa111 · 15/06/2025 15:47

Allergycream · 15/06/2025 15:33

Hang on wait a minute you've posted about this before a few months back.
You have changed some of it.
The last thread you was told to stop talking about your sex life to friends.
You said you or your husband one of you had a dirty dream with said friend.
And now he wants a 3some.
You got told multiple times on that thread to stop going on about your sex life.

That wasn’t my post.

OP posts:
Omgblueskys · 15/06/2025 15:52

Jessa111 · 15/06/2025 15:47

What I find bizarre is that he could go from not looking at my friend that way, to blatantly fancying her just because she was upfront about her sex life.

Op he doesn't fancy your friend but he knows given the nod your friend would happily be the 3rd person , easy peasy,

AnonAnonmystery · 15/06/2025 15:53

WitchesCauldron · 15/06/2025 15:30

Agree- the friend is definitely getting off on this.

Show quote history

Yes she’s been inappropriate in a way I can only describe as trying to seduce the husband in plain sight or enticing him if you like. I would be pissed at the friend and my husband.

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:59

How are you managing to keep up having a “great sex life” with…. Him?

GAJLY · 15/06/2025 16:00

I'd be more annoyed with the friend. What did she want out of telling him?! She wanted attention and a reaction, well she got it. I wouldn't bring my husband to hers, nor would I invite her over again. If he mentions it again, I'd keep shutting him down everytime.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 15/06/2025 16:01

Ask him how he’d feel about a threesome with ‘insert his hottest friend’. I bet that’s somehow ‘different’.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/06/2025 16:01

SquashedMallow · 15/06/2025 15:16

It isn't just the DH who is "gross" - what kind of 'friend' ' babbles on with verbal diarrhoea about her sex life , which includes salicious and titillating scenarios whilst a hot blooded male is in the room, who happens to be her friends husband. I think it's your friend that is the dodgy one that's standing out.

Edited

This. To me that ‘friend’ would from now on be ‘ex’.

Viviennemary · 15/06/2025 16:03

Your friend started this nonsense. Have nothing more to do with her. He has now become a creepy perv. He needs to stop now if he doesn't want your marriage to end.

Viviennemary · 15/06/2025 16:03

Your friend started this nonsense. Have nothing more to do with her. He has now become a creepy perv. He needs to stop now if he doesn't want your marriage to end.

Megifer · 15/06/2025 16:03

Your friend knew exactly what she was doing and was probably testing the waters.

I agree with others if you really don't want to leave him over this then I'd say what a great idea, you know just the guy from work, you'll ask him tomorrow.

OneFineDay13 · 15/06/2025 16:07

SquashedMallow · 15/06/2025 15:16

It isn't just the DH who is "gross" - what kind of 'friend' ' babbles on with verbal diarrhoea about her sex life , which includes salicious and titillating scenarios whilst a hot blooded male is in the room, who happens to be her friends husband. I think it's your friend that is the dodgy one that's standing out.

Edited

This

MiloMinderbinder925 · 15/06/2025 16:09

Your friend knew what she was doing. I'd dump her and tell your husband to cut it out.

Original poster
Jessa111 · 15/06/2025 16:09

I’ve only seen her a couple of times since, and I definitely won’t be meeting her with my husband again. He’ll be fine for like 2/3 weeks, and then he’ll bring it up again.

OP posts:
SafeToUse · 15/06/2025 16:09

Goodlorditssummer · 15/06/2025 15:20

He is being vile and she is not your friend.

Succinct and to the point.

I don't know OP, can you see yourself remaining in this marriage for another ~40 years?

If you can, well and good. If you can't, then start to plan your exit strategy now.

Iheartmysmart · 15/06/2025 16:09

Just say ‘why do you want a threesome, are you trying to disappoint two women at the same time…’

ForZanyAquaViewer · 15/06/2025 16:11

Jessa111 · 15/06/2025 16:09

I’ve only seen her a couple of times since, and I definitely won’t be meeting her with my husband again. He’ll be fine for like 2/3 weeks, and then he’ll bring it up again.

So, you’ve told him you find it disrespectful and he’s still bringing it up? What’s his justification for this?

Sera1989 · 15/06/2025 16:11

Tell him you’d be up for a threesome but only with another man as you don’t fancy women. He’ll probably be less keen on the idea when you start listing his friends

OneFineDay22 · 15/06/2025 16:14

He doesn’t fancy her, he just thinks she’d be easy to get what he wants out of her.

Have you tried asking him about swinging or a threesome with other men? Because of course I doubt he’d want to do those, but he seems to expect you to want to do the same.

I think it’s a common thing for men to fantasise about but he’s persisting after he knows it’s making you uncomfortable which is not ok.

I had a sex dream about a woman which I told my husband about and he got turned on. Then one day he asked something about it and I suddenly felt uncomfortable, like it was getting into cheating territory. My husband immediately saw where I was coming from, and literally never mentioned it again (this was about 8 years ago). Your H should be bothered about how you feel too.

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