Husband obsessed with idea of threesome

[Jessa111]

Changed my name for this. I wonder if I could get some advice.

About 6 months ago, Myself and my Husband went over my friends house 1 evening for a few drinks. The conversation came onto sex. My friend decided to tell us ( I already knew, so it was more for my husbands benefit ), how she’d been with tones of woman during her uni years, had threesomes and loads more. My husband was clearly turned on by this as his face lit up and he was asking loads of questions. When we got home he tried to initiate sex, but I wasn’t having any of it as I was annoyed by how excited he got during the conversation.

Since then, all he has gone on about is threesomes with another girl, he’s even mentioned my friend once or twice. In the past he’s always told me he didn’t fancy my friend as she wasn’t ‘ his type’, but I’m now starting to doubt that. He’ll name drop her in random conversations all the time.

I have had a serious chat with him, telling him I find it disrespectful that he’s even thinking about other woman and he just says ‘all men think about it’.

It’s like he has a sudden Infatuation with my friend just because he’s found out she’s bi sexual and has a high sex drive. We have a great sex life btw so it’s not like he’s getting obsessed cuz he’s getting none at home.

Other than ‘leave him’ does anyone have any advice?
Many thanks
xx

what a gross man

any kids?

Yeah, 2 children which is why it’s not easy to just walk away.

The only advice we can give you is how to change your behaviour, not his.

You can make it clear to him that you are not happy with his desire to cheat on you, because you do consider the idea to be cheating.

That’s pretty gross. You need to be clear a threesome is not on the cards . Unless it’s involving a strapping bloke of course!

Also I’d be unimpressed with friend tbh why does she want to chat about sex with your partner?

I would say that makes it easier.

i wouldn’t want my kids to think that this kind of marriage is their benchmark. A man like this must be such an inconsiderate thoughtless twat in so many other ways

My xh asked for a threesome. Yes I said as long as I get to choose the other man. Funnily enough was never mentioned again! 🤣

Tell him you'll have a threesome as long as it's with another bloke. When he says no, ask him why the fuck you'd do it with a girl when he won't do it with a guy? Then tell him to fuck off

Yeah I found that strange. She’s told no one else in our friendship group so I was surprised when she just blurted it out in front of my husband. An attention thing I guess, but you’re right, I wasn’t overly happy.

Tell him you'll only do it if it's another man. Bet he'll change his mind

A friend’s husband ( now ex) went on and on wanting a threesome . Friend got so fed up she spoke to a ( gay) male friend at work and he agreed to arrive ready for action .
Husband was horrified . He only wanted - threesome with 2 women !

So he’s assuming you would want to have sex with your friend? It’s just all round revolting.

It isn't just the DH who is "gross" - what kind of 'friend' ' babbles on with verbal diarrhoea about her sex life , which includes salicious and titillating scenarios whilst a hot blooded male is in the room, who happens to be her friends husband. I think it's your friend that is the dodgy one that's standing out.

Missing the point but it seems your friend is trying to sound sexy to your H. I would maybe avoid her when with him.

On the H issue (not DH) seems he's halfway out of the relationship. Suggest counselling. How would he feel if you started pressing him to have sex with a man and let you shag another guy? Maybe he's just not thought too deeply about how hurtful it is. Ask him if he is serious about making the relationship work.

It's OK to fantasise. Its not OK to move fantasy to reality without both of you being into it.

My advice would be to leave him.

He has basically told you that you alone no longer satisfy his needs and he wants to involve other women.

Then it will progress to you being excluded from him being with other women.

Your marriage is finished.

He is being vile and she is not your friend.

I have had a serious chat with him, telling him I find it disrespectful that he’s even thinking about other woman and he just says ‘all men think about it’.

I mean, it's probably true that most men (and women) have fleeting thoughts about other people occasionally. But he's talking out of his backside when he's trying to convince you that it's normal to nurse a growing obsession with group sex and also nurse a crush on their wife's friend, and to pressure their spouse into actually having a threesome. That's fucking gross and he's choosing to spend time becoming more and more fixated on this, instead of making an effort to snap out of it and be a present and healthy partner to you.

He sounds like an overgrown Jay from the Inbetweeners 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 He's not setting any kind of example to his children of how to conduct yourself or be treated within a marriage.

I would say to him that you don't think it's a good plan as there's a heavy chance one of you will fall for the girl or get jealous.

That you're not prepared to sacrifice your relationship for the sake of a brief sexual thrill.

That it could damage your ability to have sex just the two of you.

The fantasy of a threesome is fairly common but I think if you look at it statistically it more often makes things worse than better.

If he won't stop going on about it after you've had a conversation about the reasons why it's not a good idea, then warn him he could end up dumped.

@Goodlorditssummer exactly my thoughts.

I also think you need to make it crystal clear this is a nonstarter for you. Make it clear this is breaking marriage vows and not some sexy game to you. Knock it on the head. It’s disrespectful. I would cut ties with your friend, is she making a play for your husband?!

Get yourself a new friend

And fgs op… please see that staying in a marriage with this kind of person definitely isn’t in the best interests of your children.

Hmm yes. Being a single parent with employment and childcare and housing to manage solo is so much easier.

You have a great sex life? How the heck can you stomach it op during the past six months? 🤢

Make it very clear to him that the way he's going on about it is a serious turn off for you, he's putting you off him and he's risking destroying your marriage.

If he says his usual "all men think about it", remind him that there's only you and him in your marriage, plus, thinking about it isn't the same as pestering your wife about it and upsetting her.

I'd tell him to pack watching porn in, the women are paid to act like they're enjoying it, and if he mentions it again, he's on an indefininite sex ban. Whilst not about a threesome per se, I watched a show called polyfamily on TLC last night and was appalled that these people are dragging children/family into their sexual fetishes. It isn't normal and it isn't OK.

Agree- the friend is definitely getting off on this.