Annulling marriage as spouse is trans?

[confusedpasty]

Hi everyone,

I got married 3 months ago. I have been with my now husband for 7 years and prior to the wedding, we honestly had a fantastic relationship. We also have a 14 month old boy. We are best friends and have shared everything together and talked about having more children after the wedding.

Intimacy has trailed off a bit since our baby was born, mostly on my part actually as I haven’t felt in the mood much, but I guess from his side too. Anyway, I thought this was just a phase due to our circumstances and was excited for the wedding.

Slight relevant background - my husband has always been more ‘feminine’ if you can call it that, as in interested in clothes and hair and underwear etc. No problem, loved him for who he was and we got on great.

Fast forward to after the wedding - no sex despite me trying and trying. 12 weeks have now passed since our wedding so I finally sat him down last night and asked what’s going on. He told me that he feels ashamed to admit it, but that deep down he feels he is transgender and his true feelings are that he identifies as a woman and that sex now feels disgusting to him as he’s not behaving like his true self?

Lots of crying and emotion followed - he begged me to support him and stay if he chooses to transition publicly, I feel that I cannot do this. I am torn. He has gone to stay with his mum for a few days whilst I process this.

I know this is a bit of a niche situation, but has anyone out there faced a similar situation? I am considering applying for an annulment, I think this would be fair on the grounds we haven’t consummated the marriage? Husband says he would contest this. I am so, so confused and haven’t yet told anyone in real life.

If you were genuinely interested in a conversation instead of a fight I would happily engage with you.

That's always the excuse for you lot to run away. 'I don't think you're genuine so I won't bother'. You're so transparent.

Yes, yes. You're so convinced of his motive that I'm beginning to wonder whether you are on fact the husband in question. Otherwise how could you possibly know?

It does though if by being trans you are insisting on entering women’s single sex spaces.

TIP: type 'trans' into any news site.

Don’t agree with the comment you are replying to at all. That would be a ridiculous overreaction.

But the guy doesn’t want to be a father he wants to be a second mother. Which will be incredibly confusing for the child.

This is the problem with transitioning, it changes the relationship with everyone else.

I will bet that on coming out he will start claiming to be a mother. There was a poster, possibly on the Trans Widows thread, whose child was traumatised when the father turned up at the school gates in full trans gear.

It escalates, always. Ops money will be spent on make up and clothes - for him.

Yep, here we go with the transphobia....

His world is not 'crashing down', you're lying. He is a fetishist narcissist and 100% selfishly gaslighting the OP. He is not any type of victim here.

Urgh, it’s all about him isn’t it? Such a sense of entitlement… you could say the sense of entitlement of a man. And bringing your child into all this is disgraceful. I can’t believe he expects you to just become a lesbian and expect you to be attracted to him as a “woman”.

Have you ever met any men who identify as trans women, @Pupinskipops ? I have, close up and over time, and I can tell you that it's the woman's world that comes crashing down while he is on a euphoric high because he's out and being his true self at last and doesn't have to hide. As @TinselAngel has already said, this is the stage at which the manipulation and the real abuse of the wives starts. You can see from his response — threats, opposition — that he wants everything his own way. The narcissistic AGP can't bear it if things don't go his way.

It's not transphobic to say men shouldn't be in women's single sex spaces. It's the law.

With respect, you're around the 87th person so far who has said this on this thread. At least once every 5 to 10 posts someone says the same thing to her. I think that poster has gotten the message.

My ex was equally manipulative when I found him on gay dating sites arranging meet-ups. After that he managed to hide things pretty well until I found a phone in a cereal box full of homosexual pornography. God, the lies and deceit was endless. I didn't recognise myself in the end as I was completely paranoid and suspicious, which I keep an element of to this day.

His manipulation began with him saying that he wasn't gay because as a teenager he'd been sexually assaulted by an older teenager. Of course I felt empathy for him however, every time I found something new, he'd claim that I wasn't being supportive and understanding of his assault. I couldn't win. I couldn't breathe to think clearly.

My recommendation is not to go down a rabbit hole with this. I did and it was shocking. I suggest sticking to the facts. He's lied about who he was and the marriage hasn't been consummated. As another poster said, the choices for him should be annulment or divorce. Be kind to yourself also. I blamed myself so much and I can see now that none of it was my fault. Good luck ❤️

There’s nothing transphobic about keeping women’s single sex spaces safe and secure.

What? No listen to yourself! This man is dangerous and not safe to be around that child. Clearly you care nought about safeguarding.

@Merrymouse thinks I didn't notice the ex is a bit of a shit. I did. But my issue with your pp wasn't your sympathy for him (even shits deserve some sympathy) but your complete lack of sympathy for the OP.

There is no evidence for this at all. This is a stressful situation enough for the OP without ridiculous hyperbole.

It's about what is safe for the child. Continuity and stability is what is needed. A man demanding an innocent child call him 'mummy' is not in the best interests of the child.

There is a possibility he may not fight her on the child. If so, I think she should at least try it.

OP, you are going to get more and more of this from trans-identified males like @Pupinskipops and your DH.

Get out. Get out now. See a solicitor this week, and safeguard your pension. Then draw some strong boundaries with your ex-spouse as to having time with your son.

Then move on with your life! 💐

He is in shock? 🙄Wow, you really are naive.

He is not at all in shock. He had this planned from the very beginning. Wake up.

By the one who thinks the man is 'in shock' and that 'transphobia' is even a thing... I'll consider the source... 😂

It certainly does. Wake up.

A quick Google search reveals that in 2019 there were 212,000 same-sex families in the UK (and we can assume there are many more now), and that research published in the journal BMJ Global Health supports previous findings that children with same-sex parents fared as well as, if not better, than those with heterosexual parents.

I don't understand - I said:

"I think it's interesting that despite the OP's marriage qualifying for annulment on two grounds, both relating to the husband, posters are trying to argue that it's the husband not the wife who deserves support and sympathy."

I.e. all my sympathy is with the OP.

Have you misread my post?

(We will have to agree to disagree about shits deserving sympathy)

Irrelevant. It's not a same-sex relationship.