Annulling marriage as spouse is trans?

[confusedpasty]

Hi everyone,

I got married 3 months ago. I have been with my now husband for 7 years and prior to the wedding, we honestly had a fantastic relationship. We also have a 14 month old boy. We are best friends and have shared everything together and talked about having more children after the wedding.

Intimacy has trailed off a bit since our baby was born, mostly on my part actually as I haven’t felt in the mood much, but I guess from his side too. Anyway, I thought this was just a phase due to our circumstances and was excited for the wedding.

Slight relevant background - my husband has always been more ‘feminine’ if you can call it that, as in interested in clothes and hair and underwear etc. No problem, loved him for who he was and we got on great.

Fast forward to after the wedding - no sex despite me trying and trying. 12 weeks have now passed since our wedding so I finally sat him down last night and asked what’s going on. He told me that he feels ashamed to admit it, but that deep down he feels he is transgender and his true feelings are that he identifies as a woman and that sex now feels disgusting to him as he’s not behaving like his true self?

Lots of crying and emotion followed - he begged me to support him and stay if he chooses to transition publicly, I feel that I cannot do this. I am torn. He has gone to stay with his mum for a few days whilst I process this.

I know this is a bit of a niche situation, but has anyone out there faced a similar situation? I am considering applying for an annulment, I think this would be fair on the grounds we haven’t consummated the marriage? Husband says he would contest this. I am so, so confused and haven’t yet told anyone in real life.

OP, hope you’re doing ok today. You should have been centred on this thread.

I hope you’re eating and sleeping. Drinking enough water and getting through, with your DC.

Why are you asking lesbians who are not into trans women about why that is? Sounds a bit like you are trying to get past the cotton ceiling.

The simple answer as to why lesbians are lesbians is they are sexually attracted to biological women with vaginas. Asking them to reframe their thinking to accept lady dique is a bit like attempted conversion therapy

If you want to get it on with lesbians I suggest you try the ones with penises or bi people as the biologically female lesbians won't be into you.

No one is born transgender anymore than they are born christian or muslim. You might want to read OP's posts - she states her own reaction and wishes to definitely end her sham of a marriage. What makes you not respect that?

This thread is not about you and it is the usual male entitlement to come on here and scold women, do fuck off.

It might be a waste of your life to respond to, but these things are important to us women.

Yep. And it’s the typical ‘oh why should I care about what those pesky women feel. Just budge over and stop complaining about your rights ffs no one cares’

its always women who are expected to be support humans and to give up their hard fought sex based safeguarding.
Men never get the same pressure and abuse

I found out some months ago that transgender womens brains or perceptions tend to be fairly aligned with women in general when it comes to self perception and appearance.

I hate to further derail this thread, but this is not true.

Differences in transwomen's brains have been found, but they do not align neatly with women's or men's brains.

"Our results support the hypothesis that brain structure in TW differs from brain structure of their biological sex (male) as well as their perceived gender (female)."

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41386-020-0666-3

However, studies like this compare trans people's brains with those of heterosexual people. This is an important drawback, because differences in the brains of heterosexual and homosexual people have been observed.

The following study compared the brains of trans people with a set of non-transpeople that included both heterosexual people and homosexual people.

"After controlling for sexual orientation, the transgender groups showed sex-typical FA-values. The only exception was the right inferior fronto-occipital tract, connecting parietal and frontal brain areas that mediate own body perception. Our findings suggest that the neuroanatomical signature of transgenderism is related to brain areas processing the perception of self and body ownership,"

www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-17352-8

Will you lot piss off and argue somewhere else. As said above this thread should be centred on the OP who this is not helping one little bit now.

@confusedpasty it might be an idea to start a new thread as this one is going to fill up with people arguing and forgetting that there is a woman whose life is falling apart right now.

I've started another thread on the Feminism: Sex and gender discussions board, for anyone who wants to continue the general discussion about these issues, so we don't derail @confusedpasty's thread any further.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5342920-trans-spouse-general-discussion

@confusedpasty

Hopefully you will be able to get some legal advice today.
Just a thought but as other trans people have done it, is it wise for your STBXH to have access as he may try to indoctrinate your DC or take it further and force them to transition.

'so in most cases the people I worked with either lied about who they were sexually attracted too or what aroused them sexually.'

Or they didn't know. Same with some transgender people.

-what worries me the most are the efforts by certain groups to convince the young that biological sex is a social construct and that they can be whatever gender ( sex) they want.'

No one really says either of those things. A social construct doesn't mean 'it's all social and made up' by the way. It's usually referred as pretty hardwired developments in the mind that we don't really understand scientifically.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7415463/#:~:text=A%20recent%20study%20investigated%20the,cortex%20compared%20to%20female%20controls.

The studies and research that have been conducted allow us to confirm that masculinization or feminization of the gonads does not always proceed in alignment with that of the brain development and function. There is a distinction between the sex (visible in the body’s anatomical features or defined genetically) and the gender of an individual (the way that people perceive themselves).
It is noted that the causal mechanism of GD is unknown, but the importance of biological influences via genes and hormones is clear. Individuals with AIS present with a spectrum of gonadal appearance, which cannot be categorized as either completely male or female but maintain their typical function. This duality, in addition to individuals who present with discordant gonadal and brain developments, creates psychological challenges that may contribute to a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with their biologically assigned gender. A focus on brain anatomy highlights a difference between males and females and shows that brain function too is gender-orientated, with, for example, a hypothalamic response to androstadienone which differs significantly between the two sexes. In this test, individuals with GD have a hypothalamic response more like that of their experienced gender, rather than their genetic sex. These point to a possible biological and genetic underpinning of GD as stemming from a dissonance between gonadal development and brain sexual differentiation and orientation.

Haven't dictated anything. I've just warned her a about the rabbit hole in the ground

'The problem is that they are demonstrably facts.'

It's honestly not that. I see people such as yourself like a burning fire. You want me to get in the fire with you and burn. It's the same grievances that when examined fall away, it's the same speech, the same rhetoric.
I get that you don't like transgender people. Like when you fall away all the grievances that you carry around, I get you don't like me for who I am.
I'm not interested though.

'Why are you asking lesbians who are not into trans women about why that is? '
Ive really only asked that if you're making things up.

None of my points centered around anything you've just said

Shame on every poster who has disrupted or filibustered this thread.

I'm not religious. Not believing in Allah, or God, or Jehova, does not mean I hate religious people. I just refuse to join in their fairy tales, whilst respecting their beliefs.

UNTIL they try to make me change my habits, or safe spaces, because of their beliefs. Then, I stand up for myself.

OP, I hope you see what kind of world your non-DH, and therefore you, are entering now. Have strength, and do not bother hoping for compromise. He's on a path that is selfish and gaslighting, as you have already found.

There is both decades worth of psychological concensus into the validity of gender identity and sexual identity.
There are studies that show gender in the brain and there emerging studies that show sometimes gender can develop differently to sex.
Conflating this with a religious belief that has none of that is just your opinion with no real validity.

So what kind of world is she entering? If you win let's say, we enter a world where we begin to ignore scientific work. So what world is that then?

The irony and absolute tone deafness of a trans identifying man (and, to be fair, two other trans - I don’t know, allies? Campaigners?) filling up the thread of a woman whose life has been turned upside down by a man suddenly saying he identifies as trans is just 😳

OP - I hope you’re ok, and recovering somewhat from the shock.

I think it's important that she hears all of what she's getting into with this.
If she wants to go down the road of a trans widow and conform to all the beliefs that come with it then it's very important that the ushering doesn't happen unopposed.
This will be her life, all these discussions.

I get it. You want your views to be unoppsoed because you know what is best for her.

If the poor OP takes anything from this thread, I hope she sees what has been displayed proudly, in plain sight, that will be expected of her as an obedient partially-sentient service biped.

Your husband has deceived you in a massive way. I’d get out now - divorce or annulment. See a solicitor.

I think, if she has any sense at all, she will get the fuck away from all of this and that's exactly what I'm trying to point out

OP, you'll hear a load of bollocks (pun intended) about "studies" that show whatever. The only question is - if these studies all show some kind of different way for gender identifying, why are men so obsessed with being affirmed by going into women's spaces? Why are they so insecure? Why not have a trans space, if they are happy being trans?

Oh, because that means the world wouldn't be validating them. It is not enough for them to be trans. They have to try and be us as well.