Pregnant and Husband not letting me open the Windows at night.

[ElGraham]

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and with the hot weather we are having at the minute I'm desperate to open the windows at night to cool down whilst in bed. My husband hates this, he said the bird noises wake him up and he can't get back to sleep. I just want a little bit of comfort during the pregnancy!

I'm waking up every night at around 4am sweating - its not yet totally unbearable heat but I know it soon will be in the summer. I tried the below to help:

1. He suggested a portable aircon, when I said that would be even louder he said he could handle a constant noise. Parent bought me an aircon for my birthday after I asked. After turning it on, he said it was too loud and we couldn't have it on at night.
2. I suggested ear plugs to help with the noise of the birds, he tried and said he could 'hear himself breathing' so didn't want to use that.
3. I suggested going to the spare room upstairs, he said that it was too bright and hot up there. When I suggested eye mask, he ignored the idea.
4. I suggested wearing headphones, he said he cant roll over onto his side when he wears them.

I am really at a loss here! I can't go into the spare room because its far too hot for me up there and the aircon hose doesn't reach the window - also the cat has his litter tray in there which I need to be away from.

He's really nice about it in the day time, says he can cope with it and we can have the windows open. At night he turns into this monster, he guilt trips me to make sure I close the windows. If I do open then, he gets up and closes them 15 minutes later which means neither of us sleep. If I want to try and talk to him about his he tells me to 'shush' its really making me dread night time and I feel like its only going to get hotter... I end up not sleeping if the windows are open now because I worry about how uncomfortable he is.

There must be a compromise as sleep is vital for you both, so I suggest trialling this...Set up the air con in the bedroom and switch it on an hour before you go to bed, with the curtains closed and the door shut. Then, when you are ready to fall asleep, turn the unit off so there's no noise. The room is lovely, has a cool temperature, and will stay cool for a few hours. Once you have both fallen asleep, you may not wake up so early feeling uncomfortable. If you do, then wake up hot, you can switch on the air con or open the window. If he does not like that, he can go to the spare room.

Howl in his ear all night long until he breaks.

This is absolutely not okay, on his behalf. And as you get more heavily into pregnancy, it’ll only get worse as you’ll potentially feel much hotter. And how will he cope with a baby’s noises at night if birdsong is a problem?

You need to put your foot down, OP. Tell him it’s dangerous for you to overheat and he needs to get used to noises at night ready for the baby. So he can never close the window if you need it open, and instead go to the spare room if he has to.

If he closes the window anyway, or you’re too scared to put your foot down, he is exhibiting coercive behaviour and you need to seek support from your family and women’s aid.

On a side note, once the baby is here, I suspect the birds singing won't be such an ordeal, babies make far more noise than a bird or an air con unit. I guess that while the issue now is just heat and sleep, when the baby arrives, he may be in for a shock at how his comfort levels will be pushed.

You're growing a human. Your comfort trumps his and he should be working to help you. If he doesn't like it he needs to sleep in a different room.

How did you manage last summer?

It's up to him to find a solution which involves you not being too hot at night, OP.

Otherwise you just keep opening the window until he gets the message.

Re: lying in his side has he tried a snoozeband, I think they’re called? They’re soft and can cover the eyes as well as the ears. DH wears one every night as likes podcasts or radio on while sleeping (weirdo ).

Get up at 4am and open the windows. Noisily.

At the moment his unpleasantness is winning. Point that out to him and tell him he needs to find a solution so that you can sleep without waking him up.

Simple - HE moves into the spare room.

I was about to post that, CaveMum

how about a badeless fan?

Ceiling fan. Many are very quiet and they are so lovely to sleep under!

Play him baby crying sounds so he can get used to that noise!

Probably by not being 3 months pregnant

I feel your pain OP. Husband and I have very different sleep needs and you sleep so much lighter when pregnant that almost everything disturbs you. It sounds like you've made so many suggestions and he's not on board with any of them, which is completely unfair (pregnant or not). Ask him to tell you what would work for him since nothing you've suggested so far is acceptable. If he doesn't give you an answer, I'd be opening the windows when you need them and he can understand what it's like to have disturbed sleep. If he doesn't want that then he needs to come and go a little.

Meantime, we have a south facing bedroom so it can be roasting come bed time. Can you keep the blinds and curtains closed in the day as a way of keeping the room cooler then maybe turn on the air con for a few hours before bed. If you sleep with the door closed, the cold air might last for a while.

You're hot due to increased blood flow and hormonal changes similar to menopause. I put on hardly any weight during my pregnancies due to HG (so not related to my weight) and I was absolutely boiling from the second trimester through early breastfeeding, not back to normal until my cycle resumed.

I would have very little patience for his strictures at this point. I'd tell him what I needed to be comfortable and leave him to figure out what accommodations he will need to make, whether it's finding earplugs or figuring out a way for the spare room to work for him.

Wow. What a selfish prick. Think long and hard before you enter parenthood with this absolute prince among men. 🤮

He needs to go to the spare room.

He’s being an idiot complaining about birds chirping when he’s going to have a screaming baby living with him shortly 🙄

Does he want this child? Does he realise that parenting involves sacrifice? And that sacrifice should be made by him NOW to ensure that the human being he supposedly loves and who is growing HIS child gets a good nights sleep.

I'd suggest he finds a different house. Sleeping without a window open in any weather is horrible never mind when you're hot and pregnant.

Can he go to the spare room ? If not then get him some ears plugs and open the window, there has to be a compromise . Have you tried an oscillating fan for some relief, the shark portable fans are very quiet .

He sounds like a baby. Which is unfortunate because you've another one on the way!

I would just make sure to be fidgety at 4am so you wake him up anyway

I think you need a white noise machine. We live in a very quiet street cul de sac so any noise wakens us up. This is the only way we can have a good night's sleep. I take it with me wherever I go (to sleep) (meaning on holiday etc)

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/recommended/tech/best-white-noise-machine/

He has to go to the spare room, that’s the only practical solution. He clearly doesn’t mind being boiling hot.

He sounds selfish - which doesn't bode well for when the baby comes and is waking several times a night! I'm in menopause and have the window open and a fan. DH says it's cold but just puts on warmer bedclothes. Sometimes my feet are so hot, I have to get a ice pack out of the freezer to rest them on! I think considering your pregnancy, he should either suck it up and have the window open or a fan, or go and sleep somewhere else!