Pregnant and Husband not letting me open the Windows at night.

[ElGraham]

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and with the hot weather we are having at the minute I'm desperate to open the windows at night to cool down whilst in bed. My husband hates this, he said the bird noises wake him up and he can't get back to sleep. I just want a little bit of comfort during the pregnancy!

I'm waking up every night at around 4am sweating - its not yet totally unbearable heat but I know it soon will be in the summer. I tried the below to help:

1. He suggested a portable aircon, when I said that would be even louder he said he could handle a constant noise. Parent bought me an aircon for my birthday after I asked. After turning it on, he said it was too loud and we couldn't have it on at night.
2. I suggested ear plugs to help with the noise of the birds, he tried and said he could 'hear himself breathing' so didn't want to use that.
3. I suggested going to the spare room upstairs, he said that it was too bright and hot up there. When I suggested eye mask, he ignored the idea.
4. I suggested wearing headphones, he said he cant roll over onto his side when he wears them.

I am really at a loss here! I can't go into the spare room because its far too hot for me up there and the aircon hose doesn't reach the window - also the cat has his litter tray in there which I need to be away from.

He's really nice about it in the day time, says he can cope with it and we can have the windows open. At night he turns into this monster, he guilt trips me to make sure I close the windows. If I do open then, he gets up and closes them 15 minutes later which means neither of us sleep. If I want to try and talk to him about his he tells me to 'shush' its really making me dread night time and I feel like its only going to get hotter... I end up not sleeping if the windows are open now because I worry about how uncomfortable he is.

This.

Easy Solution: Make him sleep on the sofa

I can't believe that he thinks his comfort trumps yours.

What a selfish man.

Tried that one. I had serious Tinntitus a few years back and the only way I could sleep was with white noise. Ended up having to sleep with my phone attached to my head and the noise down so low so he couldn't hear it because it was disturbing his sleep!

Snoozebands - covers his ears and also eyes if required
He moves rooms
Gel pack pads/mats that you can lie on - these are great and useful for peri menapause syptoms as well.
White noise machine
He gets on with it.

It does beg the question how he's going to cope with a screaming baby.

He sounds very selfish to me. How on earth is he going to cope with a crying baby at night? I bet he discovers he can wear ear plugs after all!

I imagine by... not being pregnant?

I don’t want to put the fear of god into you, but you’ve chosen to have a baby with a man who is not prepared to compromise. That’s only going to become a bigger issue as your pregnancy continues and the baby arrives.

So you need to have a serious conversation with him about this. During organic your needs trump his. While your breastfeeding your needs trump his. The baby’s needs trump his.

Where is the baby going to sleep once he or she isn’t in with you any more? Can he or you sleep there?

Otherwise there are plenty of suggestions here already and he’s going to have to try them and get on board with one.

I suspect he will suddenly find he can miraculously sleep through a crying baby...

I couldn’t sleep in a room with no open windows. It’s so unhealthy. We have 2 open all year round.

Congratulations, you’re having a baby with a man baby who absolutely refuses to consider any compromise to his own precious comfort. Not even for the woman who is carrying his child.

It’s too hot for him in the spare room!? Boo fucking hoo, does he not consider that’s exactly how you feel every night..?

Exactly this. Or suddenly the spare bed will be a great idea because precious baby (him) needs his uninterrupted rest or he will get cranky

Have you got a spare bedroom, can you sleep separately?

You are growing a human. He needs to accept that his needs are now secondary to the baby. This is true now and it will be true for the next 18 years.

You need rest to grow a healthy child. Open the window, turn on the a/c. He can sleep in the spare room or on the sofa.

Just reread. Youre going to have to make the spare bedoom suitable for one of you to sleep in. Especialy when the baby comes.
My dh has bad sleep and i always wake up to pee 5 times, it was essential for our sanity to have somewhere someone can get a good nights sleep.
Can you buy a longer air condition unit hose, we just ordered a really long replacement one from tumu for ours.
Can you put blackout blinds on the spare room window.
We used the ones that stick with suckers to the window instead of buying expensive blinds.

Amazon for an air-conditioning extension hose, a sound absorbing mat and some better curtains (thermal keep heat out as well as in), litter tray gets relocated to the bathroom whilst wearing disposable gloves, you move up there.

I'd be doing lots of very active tossing and turning, throwing covers off in his direction and keeping him awake all night. It worked when my husband never heard the kids at night.
Seriously open the window and tell him to sleep on the sofa....I'm guessing that's where he will be for years to come while you do all the feeds. ....personally I'd express and let him do his share.

“When you’re gestating the baby, we can shut the window”

You stay in the house with the windows open and put him out in the garden and see which he prefers

He would hate me i cant sleep if the window is closed or the curtains closed.
My windows are open all year round day and night and i dont pull curtains across either.

Ah poor princess, his delicate little ears must cause him no end of trouble. Except, as someone else mentioned, when he miraculously “can’t hear” the baby at night.

Does My Lady of Silence have any redeeming qualities? Especially ones that make up for him “shushing” you as if you’re a dog that’s bothering him?

I never sleep with my windows open, not even when pregnant or now in peri, but I do like to be cool. So, I wear nothing in bed, have the windows open all day/evening with blackout curtains pulled (to keep the heat out), then shut the windows just before I get into bed. I also have a tepid shower before bed if it’s really hot and - totally recommend this! - I have a large flat freezer pack (around A4 size) that I keep in the freezer during the day and take to bed with me, wrapped in a couple of large plastic bags. I usually have it near my feet but it can be moved easily. It’s blissful and has totally solved me getting overly hot.

Sleeping with the windows closed at any time of year is pretty awful but it must be absolutely intolerable in the summer when you’re pregnant.

I don’t know how you’ve got so far in to a relationships with him to a, be married or b, be pregnant.

This!

He needs to grow up. You both need sleep, but you’re pregnant and actually for this short time your comfort and rest needs to take priority. You’ve made a load of suggestions and he’s shot them all down.

When I was pregnant with my second, DH relocated to the spare room from about 5 months. I got very big very quickly and it was a searingly hot summer from early May. I was constantly boiling and sweaty, massive, needed space (plus one of those body support pillow things) was drinking tons so I was constantly awake needing a wee even more than usual for a pregnant woman…It just made sense, we both slept better not sharing our bed. Off to the spare room he went without question or complaint!

It’s only for a little while and it didn’t affect our relationship. It would’ve if I’d not have been able to sleep even worse than it already was, and he was actively making that worse!

If he’s annoyed and woken by a bit of birdsong he’s in for, quite literally, a very rude awakening when the baby arrives.

He’s being incredibly selfish. Tell him to sort the spare room so that it works for him and send him in there. Buy a new blind or whatever if needs be. If he won’t go then get up and open the windows in your room when you want to and if it bothers him then tough luck. I would be so cross if my DH had this attitude.

I also relocated temporarily to the spare room when DH had an injury later on that meant he needed extra space for eight weeks. In that instance, he needed our (slightly bigger) bed and firmer mattress to be comfortable and rest, which was essential to his recovery. So I slept in the spare room. He didn’t even have to ask.

We’re a partnership, we look after each other. Right now, your DH is not looking after you. He needs to learn that when he becomes a father (starting now!) his wants, and even needs, no longer come first!

He needs to learn to sleep with earplugs. I am a side sleeper so I sleep with one earplug only in the upwards facing ear to avoid the internal echo he dislikes. Yes this means I have to swap it over if I turn over, it’s fine.

Also - I know this is a way off but if the spare room will become your baby’s room at some point, you’re going to need to sort the heat and light issues up there. If you find a solution now it might help with this argument too.

As others have said this doesn’t bode well for his attitude once the baby arrives. I hope we are wrong.

I just think this is so sad... this man is supposed to love you.
I don't know about you, but if the person i loved most in the world was struggling to sleep while growing our child, I would be trying to find a solution to the problem and be happy to take a bit of discomfort for them, if that's what the only option was! Isn't that just the basics of love? Wanting the best for the other person? I just don't see this behaviour as that of someone who loves you, sorry. I think he probably thinks 'like' is love.
How do you think he's going to cope with compromise, or not having everything 100% how he likes it when the baby arrives?