Pregnant and Husband not letting me open the Windows at night.

[ElGraham]

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and with the hot weather we are having at the minute I'm desperate to open the windows at night to cool down whilst in bed. My husband hates this, he said the bird noises wake him up and he can't get back to sleep. I just want a little bit of comfort during the pregnancy!

I'm waking up every night at around 4am sweating - its not yet totally unbearable heat but I know it soon will be in the summer. I tried the below to help:

1. He suggested a portable aircon, when I said that would be even louder he said he could handle a constant noise. Parent bought me an aircon for my birthday after I asked. After turning it on, he said it was too loud and we couldn't have it on at night.
2. I suggested ear plugs to help with the noise of the birds, he tried and said he could 'hear himself breathing' so didn't want to use that.
3. I suggested going to the spare room upstairs, he said that it was too bright and hot up there. When I suggested eye mask, he ignored the idea.
4. I suggested wearing headphones, he said he cant roll over onto his side when he wears them.

I am really at a loss here! I can't go into the spare room because its far too hot for me up there and the aircon hose doesn't reach the window - also the cat has his litter tray in there which I need to be away from.

He's really nice about it in the day time, says he can cope with it and we can have the windows open. At night he turns into this monster, he guilt trips me to make sure I close the windows. If I do open then, he gets up and closes them 15 minutes later which means neither of us sleep. If I want to try and talk to him about his he tells me to 'shush' its really making me dread night time and I feel like its only going to get hotter... I end up not sleeping if the windows are open now because I worry about how uncomfortable he is.

Him in the spare room is the best solution, sort out blinds asap.
He is prioritising his sleep over yours at the moment which seeing as you are pregnant is completely unreasonable

How uncomfortable he is!!! You are pregnant and going to get more pregnant he needs to get over himself, can you talk to him about it and say how awful it is and how horrible he is at night

I’m trying to be fair because I can see from your updates that he generally is a great husband and partner, but he needs to fix his sensitivity to sound at night for two big reasons:

1. You are the one who is pregnant, and as your pregnancy continues, I’m sorry to say that your discomfort will get significantly worse. So you need to do whatever you can to be as comfortable as possible. If you don’t sleep, your health is impacted, which makes it harder for you to make sure your baby is as healthy as possible.

2. As others have said, the baby will be noisy, but it’s not just when the baby is awake and crying for feeds (as you said about your plan to split the night feeds, which is a good idea if you’re not planning to breastfeed). Babies are the noisiest sleepers that have ever existed, and even when they’re perfectly contentedly sleeping, they make noises like snorting and banging, and they’ll be in the room with you. It’s therefore really important that he finds a way to block out sounds that wake him otherwise he’ll be up all night regardless of who’s doing the feeds.

The default has to be whatever makes you more comfortable. He then has to figure out how to work around it.

This.
im convinced (jokingly) that the increased sleeplessness of pregnancy due to discomforts of all types is training for when baby arrives and good sleep goes down pan for next 3 years plus, then you get it back for a while, only for it to go up in smoke at around 45 again due to perimenopause

tell him it’s great he’s such a light sleeper, that means he can get up when baby cries every night, at first multiple times per night and bring baby to you to feed (or he can feed if bottle fed) and you don’t need to wake up too much then.

then discuss with him what he understands will happen re baby at night , night feeds and settling and nappy changes when baby gets here. Have you discussed who WILL be getting up? Don’t fall into trap of he is “working” so you get up at night..youll also be working harder than him on healing your body after birth, producing milk needed to feed an infant, plus nursing and care during day. It is, imho, a blinking sight harder work, no time for finishing a cuppa, no loo on your own, no ability to complete a full conversation with another adult for years….youll also be need a working shift system of each having 3 night full undisturbed (or as best you can) sleep each…that means getting bedrooms set up to decamp to off duty room if neede, or ear plugs and eye shades.

then he might realise he’s in training now for what he’ll face every night for at least next 6-12 months, and just get on with learning to be a proper adult, rather than a self-centred man child who can’t adapt

He just sounds controlling

Wow this is a HUGE red flag. He can't sleep in the room due to the heat, until you move in there, then it's absolutely no problem. From this it seems like the heat isn't the issue really.

You say he's a great partner because he'll run to get whatever you need in the day, but what if there's a choice you disagree on - does he always need to win? Does he often have feedback on what/how you're doing things if he does them differently?

You could go to the spare room room with the air con machine. To make a point I'd consider sleeping on the couch with the aircon machine and then casually drop it into conversation in front of someone like the midwife or his parents while he's there to make him feel bad. Sometimes if people are avoiding acknowledging how unreasonable their actions are, being accountable in front of others can make them face it.

Surely he'll only hear the bird noises from early morning anyway, they go to sleep when its dark.

How is he going to cope with a baby waking him up if he can't cope with bird song?...he seriously needs to grow up.

He’s going to find the baby crying absolutely intolerable if he can’t abide the morning birdsong!! Yikes!!

if he goes into a separate bedroom now, when the baby is born he will end up staying there.

my husband can be very insensitive, he hated me using extra pillows to prop my pregnant self up for comfort whilst in bed. He said it stopped him from sleeping. When my son came along my husband was an utter nightmare.

id be very clear with him now that babies make loads more noise than birds, even when they are not crying they make loud snuffling noises. He will need to try ear plugs I think.

He doesn’t sound like he’s going to compromise at all which is very frustrating for you.
in home bargains or b&m they sell cooling pads, I’m 26 weeks pregnant and have been sooo hot at night and this works so well to cool me down a bit.

I dread to think what a drama queen he's going to be at night when there is a baby in the mix....

This there are so many red flags here that I worry about adding a baby to this mix of this

a man who knows that if he persists his pregnant wife will capitulate and give in at her own physical expense is awful

a man who won’t give you space or have you sleep alone is smothering and sounds controlling

does he make all the decisions

She wasn’t pregnant last summer. Some pregnancies are like having an internal heater, especially since it has been warm and stuffy at night recently.

So his only solution is for you to carry on being uncomfortable and not sleeping? Helpful and considerate kind of guy isn't he...

Loft bedrooms are hotboxes.. and even worse when there's no blind on the overhead windows! that's a double whammy of sunlight and heat beating down on it all day and heat from the rest of the house rising.

You can't carry on like this.
Measure up and order the blinds yourself to make sure it actually gets done.
You can get them with a remote control if they are too high to reach easily. It does make a real difference.. I had a roof window with no blind directly over my head waking me up as soon as it got light so about 5.00 am at times... it was unbearable.. but not over his side of the bed so it was all "Well if I can live with it" (it didn't shine directly in his eyes) - So I just priced them up, found an interest free deal and insisted we order them. Gamechanger. Sleep is a precious commodity when you have a newborn... you don't want anything interfering with the times that you do get a chance to sleep, or anything that is going to make it all harder, so its an investment in your well being.

also Curtains.. keep blinds and curtains down all day. and open at night.

Also. Stop staying awake worrying about whether he's getting any sleep. He's just not realising how bad it is for you and we are only at the start of the summer.

He tells you to 'shush'? wtaf. No way would I tolerate that, never mind the heat.

This. My DP is a bit princess and pea about things but honestly with the kids (we have two) you do anything to maximise everyone’s sleep. White noise is blaring, air con on etc

🤣🤣🤣

You both sound a bit precious.

You could open the window in the other bedroom (or get a longer hose for your air con unit) and you could even move the cat litter tray. Or he could.

He needs to get a grip. He’s apologetic in the morning because he’s already got his own way. Seriously, what are either of you going to do when you baby is crying through the night?

Set fire to him so he understands how hot you are

He sounds like a clingy toddler. I 100 percent guarantee you that he’s going to get worse once his jealousy of the baby kicks in.

Good luck.

Wow…. Good luck when baby arrives. If he’s this selfish now, you’ll need to put your foot down when baby is here

Blimey i have never been able to sleep without the bedroom window open - i would suffocate ! They do say its healthier to sleep with a window open - get him to wear earplugs!

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They really are wisper quite on the low setting.

DH is the same about having Windows open, bit the ceiling fan works wonderfully.

He's being a bit of an arse though, he's not going to cope well with a crying baby in the middle of the night.