Pregnant and Husband not letting me open the Windows at night.

[ElGraham]

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and with the hot weather we are having at the minute I'm desperate to open the windows at night to cool down whilst in bed. My husband hates this, he said the bird noises wake him up and he can't get back to sleep. I just want a little bit of comfort during the pregnancy!

I'm waking up every night at around 4am sweating - its not yet totally unbearable heat but I know it soon will be in the summer. I tried the below to help:

1. He suggested a portable aircon, when I said that would be even louder he said he could handle a constant noise. Parent bought me an aircon for my birthday after I asked. After turning it on, he said it was too loud and we couldn't have it on at night.
2. I suggested ear plugs to help with the noise of the birds, he tried and said he could 'hear himself breathing' so didn't want to use that.
3. I suggested going to the spare room upstairs, he said that it was too bright and hot up there. When I suggested eye mask, he ignored the idea.
4. I suggested wearing headphones, he said he cant roll over onto his side when he wears them.

I am really at a loss here! I can't go into the spare room because its far too hot for me up there and the aircon hose doesn't reach the window - also the cat has his litter tray in there which I need to be away from.

He's really nice about it in the day time, says he can cope with it and we can have the windows open. At night he turns into this monster, he guilt trips me to make sure I close the windows. If I do open then, he gets up and closes them 15 minutes later which means neither of us sleep. If I want to try and talk to him about his he tells me to 'shush' its really making me dread night time and I feel like its only going to get hotter... I end up not sleeping if the windows are open now because I worry about how uncomfortable he is.

Oh yes and also for you try those cooling gel mats. I used to freeze mine and still do when it’s boiling/ I get peri night sweats! (probably not recommended!) They're fab.

Could you get an extension hose for the air con unit and move the cats litter tray?

Well, obviously he's a dick. But I think that in the short term, you should move tot he spare room. Take the portable air con with you if necessary. But mostly, his complete unwillingness to compromise suggest you have a bigger issue here.

He might as well get used to earbuds, the spare room or sleeping through noise now or he'll have a shock once the baby is here...

My wonderful DH spent nearly a year sleeping on the sofa while I was pregnant and recovering from C-section. Mine and the baby's health and comfort were the most important thing to him.
Your husband is not only being incredibly selfish, he's actively putting you and your baby's health in danger.

I suggest you list out the options for a solution to him and ask him to choose - and if he is not willing to compromise on this, then you need to seriously consider the future of this relationship and make sure you start getting your ducks in a row as they say.

Remember, if you were to break up and would need to move away to get the support you need from family/friends, then this will be much easier to do before the baby is born. He could block you from moving away through the courts once baby is here. I really hope OP that it won't come to this for you, and he's able to see sense!

@ElGraham wow!! is his name Jack? as long as he is alright!

This would really upset me! My partner slept on the couch to allow me to sleep better! He’s being so selfish

He won’t sleep at all when the baby is here, do how will he cope? This is a good point.

Ugh, so there's a long history of him being an arsehole and you never stand up to him.

I have the windows open at night, but when it’s still too hot my (actually revolutionary) solution is to fill a hot water bottle, freeze it, and then take it to bed with me. It stays cool all night. You can obviously put a cover on so it’s not too icy against your skin. Game changer tbh.

Wanted to add he is in for a rude awakening once the baby arrives. They tend to be very noisy sleepers. It’s not just the middle of the night crying. Babies grunt and make all sorts of noise in the night.

Yikes. He’s going to have a big shock soon!

you and the baby need your sleep. He has other option, you don’t. Open the windows or have the air con on and invite him to sleep elsewhere.

What's he going to be like with a newborn waking all hours if he can't handle a bit of bird song.

What is this incessant need to sleep arse-to-arse all the time? Surely you can have separate bedrooms? I mean, not just now, but in the future too - people have different preferences, different rhythms, etc. You can have your sex all you want, but then - separate beds with your books/crumbs/snoring/screen time?

He sounds awful OP, honestly, he won’t try any compromises and I get the impression you’re scared of him when he acts this way.

He sounds precious, selfish and ridiculous

He is about to be woken up by a baby crying several times a night. He needs to pull himself together.

At the moment, all arrangements are in place to afford him a good night's sleep - there is no compromise. Not fucking on.

Be clear. I am pregnant and not sleeping. Options are:

Window open
Aircon On
He moves to spare room

Simple.

What he does or doesn't do to mitigate bird song noises is not your problem - that's his to solve.

What a dick. He has a rude awakening coming and his behaviour now does not bode well for shared night wakings.

He's only going to continue this selfishness when you both become parents.

Is this even about the window or is he just trying to keep control?

Get a fan

Snoozeband - they are headphones in a band that you can sleep in. I use it to drown out DH's snoring!

Why can't you go to the spare room? I did during my second pregnancy when I used to wake up in the night. It was a double bed and I slept much better in there.

You get 2 votes, he gets 1.

Umm she's pregnant!

Do you keep your curtains and windows closed during the day? That really helps the room to keep reasonably cool during the day. Open them shortly before bed and get a through draught going.

just keep waking him up when you wake up too hot
put the aircon on and let him stew.

Good luck, you sound as though you're going to need it

I'd give him fucking "shush".