I'm getting the fanny gallops for a man 16 years older than me

[Fannygallopswtf]

What on earth is going on.

I met him at work not long after I started there a few months ago. We hit it off straight away. He's on a different team, but I find myself finding excuses to talk to him and involve him in projects.

BUT.

He's not physically attractive at all. I normally go for younger men. He's obviously much older than me. A bit overweight. A smoker. Basically the opposite of everything I would usually find attractive physically in a man.

But!!

I've just spent all evening texting him after we spent the full day travelling together for work today (a situation which was shamelessly engineered by the two of us so we could spend some time alone together) and I'm getting the serious fanny gallops over him??

Wtf is going on and am I right in thinking it would be a terrible idea to pursue this?

Fanny gallops, javelin arse ... I'm howling 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Being his plus one for the awards ceremony seems a bad idea. It’s a work event and you don’t have reason to go, so you’d get risk of gossip etc without the fun of an actual date.

Could be OK if your company’s HR policies are good with dating and you think you would be OK with things like work colleagues gossiping, not having much separation between work and dating and seeing him at work loads in the event of an awkward or upsetting break up.

I disliked all these when dated a man I met at work when was younger.

given his age his smoking would concern me.

It’s perfectly possible he raised the kids as the Mother was incapable. My colleague did it. There are women with serious mental health issues, addictions etc. social workers do take kids off Mothers who are unable to raise them.

Sure it’s more common for Mothers to have to step up when Fathers step down, but it absolutely does happen the other way too. It’s rarer, but not so vanishingly rare as to be utterly unbelievable.

I'm pretty sure I can picture the type of person who'd write this kind of tripe 😒.

I’m pretty sure you’re not all that OP enough to be out of his league as such... you’re nearly 40 and probably average.

I know many 40+ women who are more than average.

This man can't even wait to have this nearly 40 woman out in public, so I'm guessing he's pretty pleased with her 🙄.

I’ve known and worked with several non-handsome men who knew how to turn on the charm and charisma/smarm and pheromones.
It was their way of levelling the playing field.

Has this colleague got a reputation in the company, OP?

I met my older DH at work too.... he is still the only man for me and we remain so ridiculously happy together 26 years and 4 kids later.

So, when I in my late 20s I had a pretty full on thing with a chap who turned 50 around that time. He used to be pretty high up where I worked before. He smoked and wasn’t skinny. Not particularly huge though. But oh. The sex! We had a fantastic thing going 😉 Don’t write off all the smoking fatties!

Agree with PP that you do need to gets all the facts - ask other people who work with him & know him well. I certainly did with my now DH, and we are in the "normal" age difference range (whatever that is) and met in our 20s.

However, also as other PP say, there are more men than you think out there who are single Dads. My DH and siblings were brought up by their Dad, after their mother walked out on them. She was an alcoholic. Also NDN split from his wife a few years ago, older child wanted to live with Dad. He's a lovely bloke, often mows our front lawn for us etc., never seen an OW appear. His son is a kind, well brought-up lad.

I'd be worried about his health- smoker, overweight, = unfit.
He may have ED- just to warn you.

I had a long relationship with someone 14 years older. The age didn't matter that much but 16 years is a big gap- it's a generation. We did split up after 5 years but it wasn't down to his age.

It may work out for you- depends how he is as a person.

My DD is your age. I'd be worried if she hooked up with an unfit , smoker aged 53 year as it just looks like a health disaster waiting to happen.

I think it is a temporary perversion on your part. Don't rush into it, you will be disgusted with yourself when it passes. That is why historically perverted men who sometimes unreasonably lusted over something inappropriate for them (like in your case - fat, smoker) would seek out an individual like that for a short-term liaison in a different city, satisfy their fantasy and then be able to remove themselves totally from it. Best avoided!

You’re not planning on more kids, are you? Because a man of 53 who has already raised a set will be unlikely to want more. Apart from that, enjoy yourself. The weight and smoking are irrelevant if you like him enough. And Harry and Charlotte were very happy 😊

It's not that the age gap is unusual as such. It's just unusual for me. As I usually attract and am attracted to younger men! It's a bit of a running joke amongst my friends.

But anyway thanks for the reality check @MaggieBsBoat

Glad you all agree about the awards thing. It definitely feels a bit too coupley and the last thing I want is work gossip flying around.

I'm not looking for anything serious and I definitely don't want more kids or anything like that. I wasn't even looking for a relationship, the chemistry/connection with this guy has just naturally grown the more we've got to know each other.

I'm torn between wanting to explore it and running a mile because of all the reasons I've mentioned!

If you do get into bed with him and then split up after a while, how will work be then?

If you get into bed with him and he can't perform, how will he feel?

You sound as if you're after a fling.

The work situation is more important as it could trigger a major fall out unless you're both able to handle any disappointment.

Never ignore the call of the fanny gallops - the fanjo knows.

So, jealous. I want a flirty passionate affair now!

Until you’ve decided whether to go on a dare I’d ease off the flirting and making excuses to do things together at work.

Perversion?

She fancies an older man, not a sheep 😂

I don't think there's anything wrong with your ages here.

What I think you need to be really careful about is you work together. If you're happy for this to be a quick fling - or even if you dont know what this might lead to yet. You absolutely need to keep your "situationship" completely separate form work, So absolutely no meaningful chats at work - no preferential going to him for help with stuff (unless workwise that's necessary) and 100% don't go with him as a +1 to a work event.

He could be love bombing you - or just naturally charming who knows. Tread with care and as long as you have no expectations nothing wrong with a bit of fun - but in a work situation it's a no no - so you have to be strict and keep you work life and personal life with him (whatever that looks like) completely separated.

This made me laugh out loud

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Smoker and overweight two big nos for me.

^^This

(It's what I said too )

If you don't want a relationship and just a bit of fun in bed, work is not the place, no matter how fast your fanny is galloping.

It's a recipe for disaster for one or both of you.

Someone will get hurt and that's not good in the workplace.

My DH is 52, slightly overweight, and a (light) smoker. He's very tall, with huge shoulders, dark skin, silver hair and silver stubble. He regularly gets eyed up by women much younger. He is always noticed by everyone when he enters a room, he very much has the aura of a mafia boss😂He's actually a big softy, he even saved a bumble bees life yesterday 😆 So, yeah, the weight and smoking wouldn't bother me at all.

Yes really. This PP is either a mean girl, a himpathizer, or a mean guy who is hopped up on red pills

That was a totally deranged comment 🤣

A himpathizer - adding that to my list of words 🤣😂.