I'm getting the fanny gallops for a man 16 years older than me

[Fannygallopswtf]

What on earth is going on.

I met him at work not long after I started there a few months ago. We hit it off straight away. He's on a different team, but I find myself finding excuses to talk to him and involve him in projects.

BUT.

He's not physically attractive at all. I normally go for younger men. He's obviously much older than me. A bit overweight. A smoker. Basically the opposite of everything I would usually find attractive physically in a man.

But!!

I've just spent all evening texting him after we spent the full day travelling together for work today (a situation which was shamelessly engineered by the two of us so we could spend some time alone together) and I'm getting the serious fanny gallops over him??

Wtf is going on and am I right in thinking it would be a terrible idea to pursue this?

Gently, anyone can tell you they are single.

Odd that your answers to someone you purport to know pretty well being single are, "I think" and "he told me" and that's ok.

I don't know anyone's marital status at my work because they've had to tell me. I know Jane is married because she calls her husband at lunch. I know Jeff is divorced and has a girlfriend because he has the kids every other weekend and the girlfriend sometimes picks them up on the Friday because his shift hasn't finished.

Is it that he's not, and you kind of know it too. But he's said he is and you fancy him, so it's all ok?

Surely in life at some points we have to take people at their word?

I don’t understand why so many people are making so many assumptions on this post? So far we’ve had he’s probably not single, he’s probably not a good dad who stepped up for his kids, he’s probably got erectile disfunction because he smokes - maybe he is actually a single, good guy with a fully functioning penis???

Well, it was a very brief chat about the topic while we were driving in the car together. We don't know each other that well yet so I'm sure he gave me the abridged version, as I did him when touching on my own past! His children are adults now so it's a long time ago for him.

No, it's just that I instinctively tend not to take men at their word

We very rarely work in the same office so I have no idea what he gets up to on his lunch break!

Enjoy your night out. I'd say go for it, even if it doesn't work out. What have you got to lose.

Yeah sure. Trust until you've got reason not too.

And the reasons here are, most men who have "raised their children single handed" with some form of crazy ex/unfit mother, are frankly dangerous individuals and it's a huge red flag. Be careful to note my use of most before we run down the rabbit hole of "not all men...."

And that if you have been working with someone for some time, and to feel close enough to go out on a date, it's really really strange to have no idea other than their specific announcement of their marital status.

And that if you have been working with someone for some time, and to feel close enough to go out on a date, it's really really strange to have no idea other than their specific announcement of their marital status.

Our work is fully agile, we're very rarely in the same place at the same time unless we have to be. It's not like I'm sat at a desk next to him from 9-5 Monday to Friday!

Chemistry with relationships has nothing to do with looks etc - it’s there or it’s not If it’s there, then go for it. 👍

How strange but somehow quite lovely, take care as you’re not thinking with your head at the moment!!!

I'm a bit of a sucker for this situation OP, but have always cooled right down once fantasy becomes reality and the initial thrill has worn off. Having said that though, none of my ones turned out to be particularly great people so perhaps that has more to do with it. I say go for it and see what happens!

Exactly what I was thinking. Is he a nice man, and does he treat other folk nicely? Is he a laugh? Lots of things can make you feel good about someone - not just looks! Good luck!

How old are you? Do you have kids?

I've already said - I'm 37 and yes I do.

edited as misread year.

I was 14 in 1986 and studying for my GCSEs so a bit confused by some posts.

It's a side track from the point of the thread. But ... GCSE courses were introduced in Sept 1986. You could have started studying for them aged 14 but would not have sat the exams until summer of 1988.
I was also 14 in 1986. I have 2 O levels which I sat in 1987 because I did them a year early. I then have 9 GCSEs which I did in 1988. You can Google when the first exams were. I am 100% confident I was one of the first cohort to do GCSEs because I also have those couple of O levels from the year before. I turned 16 during my GCSE exams.

That all makes sense @RedCatBlueCatYellowCat , thanks.

Actually they did, that was the last year, I remember unfortunately

@Huckyfell I stand corrected!

Sorry, I mean 87 was the first year, we were the guinea pigs. Old now

Hope it works out brilliantly for you! Recently had a passionate thing for a man 15 years older than me. I’d never before been with an older man and I was also surprised by my infatuation with him. I was head over heels! Turned out he couldn’t make it work in bed, and I had no idea how to handle it except minimize it and hope it passes. After a few unsuccessful nights, he broke it off and said we weren’t sexually compatible. Dinged my self-confidence a bit but don’t regret the adventure.

I wasn't physically attracted to DH when I first met him. I thought he was kind of cute, but he was the opposite of the type I would have normally gone for.

By the time I first slept with him (3 month wait). I was madly in love with him and he was the most beautiful man I'd ever met.... still is. We are happily married and there's not a day I don't thank my lucky stars that we met in lock down for a walk and he won me over with his sense of humor and a surprise picnic.

Love the bones of him!

How do you see it coming out? How would it present a problem? Can a relationship where someone is punching not work?

Potentially an issue with different family life stages ie you still have childcare responsibilities, you have to drive them to activities, and can’t do stuff on a whim. I’ve got young adult kids and wouldn’t want to be with someone who had children under 15/16 tbh.

Looking to the future …people can get away with being overweight smokers at 53 but later it sometimes starts to be problematic and you may find the age difference more significant if his health starts to fade prematurely. The gap between 37 and 53 is not wide but think about when you’re 55 and he’s a portly old man with a cough…..

An overweight smoker is punching with a nearly 20 yrs younger woman .... No matter how nice his personality.

The advantage is on his side.

As I said, I await a thread on here by a 37 yr old man discussing his feelings for his 16 yrs older, overweight female work colleague with bated breath.
It hasn't happened and won't (unless he's 20, she's 36, and she's the hour glass version of overweight).

Also 37 and 53 doesn't seem to bad ..... Give ,it 10 years; 47 and 63 will seem rather different. Especially with an overweight smoker.